Does anyone else have no friends or connections left?
In RL, I don't. I never had actual friends growing up. Like I moved around a bit, and no one interacted with me beyond the requirement of school. During college, I found it to be highly similar. I asked someone about it, and they said I have a bad vibe. As far as I can tell, it's because I'm different due to my autism. But that's more of a guess.
My family for the most part is the same. The only ones who interact with me outside of when they are forced is my grandparents on my dad's side, a small amount from his side, and my parents. But I think my grandparents on the 1 side does interact with me is because no one really interacts with them. They aren't an ass, but they have nothing really to offer but love and judgment. Like they always have been in poverty, and currently something as simple as a hamburger they have to split because they can't afford 2 of them. Over the past number of years I've been secretly paying for their cable bill, and my dad and I are the only ones who really come over to fix anything or give them anything to make them comfortable. And this happens often, we are about a 4 hour round trip from them, and most of the family is literal walking distance to 15 min from them. Many of my family they haven't seen over 5 years, but I try to call them every few weeks and visit every few months. In short, I'm better than nothing.
My parents interact with me mostly by force since I still live with them. But, they once in a long while do something out of their way. With that being said, I notice many times they wish I was never born.
Pretty much the rest of the family hates my guts for literally no reason, or they don't see me as anything different from another stranger on the street. Since HS I never gotten a Happy B-day, Merry Christmas, etc. My grandmom on my mom's side called me an unwanted guess that won't leave the last time I seen her. My sister has caused me hell by her lying about my parents, but for no second has anyone asked me what is true. They hated us already, and it just gave them a reason. Like some of them that were in law enforcement knew how bad she is and the people who she hangs out with. When we brought her in, they warn us to make sure our security system is up to date. But outside of warning us that she or someone she knows might kill us. They have nothing to do with us.
I have some online friends. Well 1 online friend. I think he is a NEET, and he seems to be OK. But we never seen each other in RL, and I have no idea what he looks like. We became friends after he helped me learn ARK.
We don't talk as much as I would like, and it kinda sucks.
To be honest, if my parents died I might off myself. Even more if my grandparents were already dead. I hate being lonely, and I'm extremely sick of things not working out.
With this in mind, I think much of my problem is really on myself. One of the things that is keeping me from getting into a romantic relationship is because I'm not financially stable, and I don't want to start a relationship until then. If I stopped caring, then I might be able to find someone. And I could move to areas like DC to work around those who are interested in things I am (tech), but for whatever reason I don't.
