Does anyone else have "hopeful hypochondria?"

[Freedomindeath4me]

Don't know what else to call it. Every time I feel a strange ache or pain or experience exhaustion/weakness or a difference in bowels I am so hoping that I have cancer. Yet the odds of that are unfortunately very low considering I'm 27. If I had cancer I could let it go untreated and no one could stop me. No one can be forced into cancer treatment. It's my greatest fantasy. Come cancer. Come/.

 

[Anónimo]

I had hypochondria when I was dealing wirh anxiety. Now dealing with depression I wish I had cancer so I could get my inevitable early death. But I feel bad about people who have cancer and want to live.

 

[its-about-time]

LOL I am so far into this right now. Been having intense physical symptoms for almost 5 months; finally saw a doc last month and he's worried I may have cancer… had to keep myself from smiling. He ordered a CT scan w/ contrast of my abdomen and pelvis to check, I did it earlier this week. Radiologist report found two lesions, one on my liver one on my kidney, and real fucked up ovaries, but I haven't heard my doctor's thoughts yet… you bet your butt I'm praying for cancer. I looked up liver and kidney cancer and was shocked to see ALL of my worst symptoms in liver cancer… too good to be true??

I'm 25 almost 26 so this never seemed like it could be even a remote possibility for decades. If I have cancer, I will not treat it then ctb when things get too rough. It's my #1 dream plan and it's maybe within reach!!!

(To anyone here who has cancer - I understand it is horrible, I do not intend to be insensitive towards the thing that likely brought you here. Understand that for someone who already does not want to live, an "excuse" to die that allows loved ones to say goodbye is really the perfect fantasy… )

 

[downndone2]

Yeah, I hope for the heart attack. With my stress I smoke a lot, my diet is shit, and I'm taking terrible care of myself. I also have chronic health conditions that have complication of heart disease plus I have heart issues. Everytime I feel a little flutter or have chest pain I'm hoping my heart just stops in my sleep. I guess I dont hope for cancer because it doesnt end quickly and comfortably without drugs.
If I was diagnosed with cancer, I wouldnt treat it though.

 

[CommitSudoku]

Yes I'm like this very often. Always hoping when I feel bad without obvious cause that one of my previous attempts left lasting damage that will finally do me in. If only.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is understandable wanting something else to end your life as suicide is very difficult after all, and I would rather end up with an illness that killed me quickly rather than be tortured for decades by health problems. Cancer sounds like a horrible disease, I do not wish for cancer, instead I wish to pass away peacefully in my sleep.

 

[Ligottian]

Hypochondria is part of my anxiety, but it only adds to my surplus of misery . I'm simply not going to die of some horrible, painful disease. But getting told I had, say, cancer would definitely prompt me to ctb asap. No surgery. No chemo. No radiation. I'm outta here.

 

[CiproKilledMe]

Yes, I should only be so lucky. But I need it to be something quick and fatal...not something that will incapacitate me further or land me in a hospital. GOD STRIKE ME DEAD!

 

[Pain In The Ass]

This is one of those posts that make me laugh. A bunch of people hoping they have cancer or get a heart attack! I'm the same way - as soon as I feel some chest pain I'm like, 'OH COME ON, PLEASE, JUST TAKE ME OUT QUICKLY', and I hope I have enough time to run and get a bottle of morphine from my bedroom stash, before I'm writhing in pain on the floor... but it never happens. I would be so pleased if my doctor told me I have terminal cancer.

Is there a way we can induce cancer?!

 

[Freedomindeath4me]

Unfortunately only scientists have the means to reliably induce cancer. I'm also smoking for exactly this reason. Hedging my bets if you will.

 

[GentleJerk]

You guys got some balls.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Unfortunately only scientists have the means to reliably induce cancer. I'm also smoking for exactly this reason. Hedging my bets if you will.

I've been doing that recently, and I have asthma. I'm starting to get a weird thing when I breathe in, like my lungs are shuddering or shivering. It's definitely screwing something up!

 

[fox_wannabe]

Just today I felt so weak I thought I might have leukemia, but I just didn't eat whole day, and I didn't know symptoms of cancer. I just felt very week. I was organizing my funeral and thinking what to do before death. Pondering life and death. It was more of a fun mind trip. I really felt tired tho so my judgment was very clouded.
I never wished for cancer, I know people suffer terribly from It. And some would rather die from ctb than cancer.

I am so tired all the time. Today I talked with lady behind counter and she also was complaining about being tired of life. Glad to find that people feel same as you do in real life.

 

[nopride86]

Absolutely.
There was a point in my life that I was polar opposite, very hung up on health and wellness and trying to reverse symptoms of pcos + autoimmunity. I wasted tens of thousands and now I'm working poor. So I gave up looking for answers but still hated the body that I was trapped in.

Then in December I started "praying". First praying to have the abusive people in my life removed, then when that didn't work I begged for death. I'm not stupid, IF a god did exist he wouldn't work like a genie.
But a couple of days later I got very ill. Like my fiancé made me get medical treatment, despite my protests, because he genuinely cares.

I feel like god gave me what I wanted and I threw away his gift. I'd love to have it happen again now that I'm even worse off mentally than I was then.

Now I have a lifelong mole on my nose that's gotten bigger. It's ugly, but I'm reluctant to get it taken off just in case it's a cancer that will spread. It's sickening to be thinking this way, especially when there's so many people who want to ctb because of their cancer diagnosis but can't/aren't allowed to.

 

[Ashu]

Yes, very much so. The palpable small tumor among the lymph nodes under my right armpit is really my only hope, at this point.

 

[Insomniac]

I don't like feeling sick but I get u

 

[wljourney]

Yup.
It's strange though.

While I would welcome cancer as a reason to qualify for MAID in Canada, I was (and still am) really scared of
COVID.

Mostly because COVID is very unlikely to actually kill me (age/health/vax etc). But I absolutely can't afford adding ANOTHER disability like longterm COVID on top of what I'm already dealing with.

Betting on kidney failure (isn't supposed to be too painful) but hold the COVID, thankyouverymuch!

 

[Fish Face]

I get jealous of people with cancer, although I shouldn't be. If I could swap I would because they really, really want to live. I have a lump on my tongue which I should go to the doctor about but I just don't want to. I just do not care about it.

 

[Nolan96]

This actually happened to me but only once. What I'm about to say might come across as insensitive to people who've had illnesses or lost people to them so keep that in mind:

I was growing more and more convinced for about four months that I was developing cancer and was hoping every day that I actually was and I would die. I ended up going to the doctor, mostly because it seemed irresponsible not to. I hadn't chosen to die, I just emotionally wanted to. She told me the things that made me think I had cancer were all very common and basically harmless, and nothing to worry about at all.

 

[Al Cappella]

Yes, actually. It's a really weird feeling. I've been "theoretically" close, by which I mean I've already had a minor heart attack and mini stroke. At the time each happened, in the ambulance, I seriously wondered, knowing nothing, if this was it. I didn't completely think so—it didn't feel right. And after, it was just "well fuck".

The really sad thing? Unlike this set of garbage conditions I have, which have always been seen as a self-induced nuisance, when you have something "legitimately" wrong—there's so much more dignity. I felt no shame or fear, and everyone was really lovely. Still, don't recommend. Especially heart attack, those hurt…