does anyone else get mad that they have to die by suicide?

[make_00]

I just want everything to stop, the pain and suffering. I don't want to be here and I despise and feel frustrated to the point of anger and crying that to leave I have to do something as awful as die by suicide and hurt others because of it. I have to suffer so other people don't suffer. I have to hurt and suffer more in dying because i don't want to be here and that's the only option. I hate it, I hate it it's unfair it's terrible suicide is ugly and terrible. I don't want to commit suicide, but I don't want to be here. it's my only option.

 

[Fedrea]

SO fucking angry about it. I loved life so much at times but too much shit happened

What about you, are you sure things can't change?

 

[braketimez]

I get mad I was born in the first place.

 

[make_00]

SO fucking angry about it. I loved life so much at times but too much shit happened

What about you, are you sure things can't change?

I've been a recluse since I was 14 years old, and I've been hospitalized as young as 11 years old after suffering from mental illness symptoms since being 8 years old. I'm almost 25. I've had amazing experiences, I've loved and been loved, I've traveled and seen beautiful things, I have close friends and family that want me here. I am still miserable.

 

[divinized]

I feel the same way. I hate the fact that the only way we can stop our pain is to completely end everything. I feel as though there's no other solution and that enrages me.

 

[make_00]

I feel the same way. I hate the fact that the only way we can stop our pain is to completely end everything. I feel as though there's no other solution and that enrages me.

I used to feel like begging to have someone let me die by assisted suicide, to promise I would even hold on for 5 more years and if I still haven't changed my mind for them to please please let me have that so I don't have to suffer in death too.

 

[Ghost2211]

I look at it as more of a choice than a have to. It's a way of taking control of the direction of life were there is currently little to none, so in that sense it's liberating.

 

[make_00]

I look at it as more of a choice than a have to. It's a way of taking control of the direction of life were there is currently little to none, so in that sense it's liberating.

I'm happy that it's something liberating for you, and that you feel in control. It's different for everyone, but to have this view I can only be thankful that you feel this way.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm happy that it's something liberating for you, and that you feel in control. It's different for everyone, but to have this view I can only be thankful that you feel this way.

I've been where you are. It's despite and frustrating to feel so cornered. It can be hard to make peace with our reality. It took a lot of time and practice to see death as a positive. I just don't want to leave this world scared, sad, and angry.

 

[rt1989526]

Yes, especially because I'm not certain I will succeed. I just want the suffering to end that's it.

 

[Incorrigible77777]

Not mad, but indeed in the situation where I "have to die by suicide". If life weren't going extremely bad to this extent where there's no hope at all to expect in my future, I shouldn't have thought about CTB.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

it's sad that we can't ever truly be at peace, whether we're alive or not.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Yeah, I don't really want this at all but the time constraints and limits I get in life are too much for me to handle.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yep. I'm mad my life turned out like this and suicide seems to be the only way. Everything I do or try I get beaten down further. I don't want to die I'm mad as hell life was so unfair to me, I'm mad I was ever born and I'm sad I have to ctb.

 

[Toptock]

It angers me greatly that regardless of our actions, most of us will never get to see the world, and be helped in any meaningful way by it. We are beaten and scorned until we cry, and then another facet of society mocks us for crying. The ouroboros cycle of our society is driven by pleasure at the cost of another, and when that other is taken they weep and moan in solidarity. This isn't any force that can be changed or directed, only absorbed and clung to for reasons we can't explain.
The phrase "life sucks then you die" is meant to be a callous view of how the world doesn't focus on you, and that sucks, but what sucks harder is when you have accepted that, and suddenly that is the tool used by the world to attack your weaknesses. It's unfair that this happens, and I hope some fundamental force in our reality shifts to allow for more love. Until then we will have to shout into the infinite black how much we hate it, and press on together.

 

[Wincombe00]

Absolutely. I never consented to being here and the only way out is to commit suicide?

 

[sadworld]

It makes me really mad to think about how good my life could have been but i fucked everything up it's so annoying.

 

[wilderj]

I hate it because I don't think I'll ever have the courage to CTB. I just feel stuck. Continuing to live this existence feels unbearable and cruel, and I don't know what to do. It'll definitely get worse before it gets better. I just wish I had the courage to leave this place.

 

[Xiaomi]

I was. But I've actually accepted my fate and in peace with it.

 

[ocd is bad]

I agree, it's a double edged sword, someone's suffering no matter what I choose.

 

[mathieu]

I'm mad that I can't access a peaceful death easily.

 

[woxihuanni]

Yes. AF should die instead, by being buried alive with occasional plate of worms and water so they cannot die. And the worms they did eat before in China, so shouldnt be a problem.

 

[death137]

I feel happy that I'm going to leave on my own terms but I'm mad all the methods I can access are painful and saddening. If I can ctb by pressing a button I would do it with no hesitation like I don't hesitate to drink when I'm thirsty.

 

[yannyorlaurel]

Yes, I'm angry that our society and culture doesn't value how awful psychological suffering can be. I would love to pass with my family and friends near me, after a doctor has verified that I did everything I could and explained to everyone what I endure in a way I seem unable to. The fact that I will have to go completely alone, with at least some risk of failure makes me very upset.

 

[Blueman]

Very mad at myself for putting myself in a position to be suicidal when it could have easily been avoided.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Looking back on the years, it is heart-breaking how small the catalysts for who I am today were. Suicide is not some far off thing that disturbed individuals do. It's something that waits in the shadows with whispers that sympathize with your smallest failings - and as soon as that door is opened, the wheels of justice begin to turn.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Very mad at myself for putting myself in a position to be suicidal when it could have easily been avoided.

I feel like this at times too. It most definitely could have been avoided. But then I think, "It could have been avoided at this particular time, but I was perhaps always headed in this direction. Maybe it could have happened sooner, and I avoided it back then." So I think the ending was inevitable, but the timing is just unfortunate.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Kind of... I'm partly angry because I feel that I must die by suicide like you, but I am more mad at the fact that it's taking me so long, and that I won't be around to defend myself against any potential opportunists when I eventually leave.

 

[Mr2005]

Incensed. I really shouldn't be here at all. It was easily avoidable but nothing was done and now the only way to end the suffering is by suffering some more

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm mad that I can't access a peaceful death easily.

Me too, I'm furious that I have to go through all this horrible shit in my condition.