Does anyone else find that the ‘help’ on offer is always unrealistic?

[ceserasera]

People are always told to 'reach out' etc, and aside from the obvious futility of such soundbites (reach out for what? Help? What help?), mental health services of all kinds seem to exist on some alternative universe where apparently you the world stops moving whilst we're told to wait for them to get to us. Idk if it's specific to the UK and the NHS, but it's akin to turning up to a fire after the house has already burnt down, with a bucket of water. It's insulting, pointless, and would be funny if it wasn't so tragic. You wait 6 weeks for an appointment where you don't bother to speak your mind because what's the point. Then you get told 'see you in another 6 weeks'. Or get added to a list months long. Meanwhile, your inability to function means that whilst you perish on a waiting list your degree, friends, job, etc all move on without you. Then what? You get to the top of the waiting list and you're supposed to think: 'great! At last I can rebuild my life that crumbled away as I waited for these god awful therapy which will take another 18 months to have an impact of any'. Honestly they can shove their therapy. It's always to do with what's wrong with ME, and not about acknowledging what wrong people have done TO me. Nobody every wants to talk about the big stuff.

I feel like mental health professionals take your existence for granted. I've expressed my distress and hopelessness and the response is 'well, you came back to see me so you must think there's some point.' That's just a non-argument. Who should I go and see? A plumber? Perhaps they would be more useful because at least a plumber understands how different parts work together. A plumber can appreciate the whole system. Mental health 'professionals' know how to tick boxes and that's about it.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

The help that is referred to is medication, therapy and coping mechanisms, which I can acknowledge helps some but it isn't the be all end all help for everyone. Other "help" that is provided are useless platitudes such as "it will get better"or "fake it til you make it". I am sorry, but I will never buy into platitudes and I personally am at the point where I don't even want to make the effort to cope. I am not a big fan of COPIUM. The only "help" I need is a miracle worker, not a therapist or medication.

 

[jimmy7754]

I feel trapped in the suburbs at my parents house.. if only I was in a high rise and there was a window when my mind races 10,000 miles an hour..

 

[Checkmate64]

I totally agree with everything you said.

Even when you finally get to the top of that waiting list the things offered are always "coping mechanisms" etc. I don't want to cope or do some bullshit mindfulness meditation or whatever the fuck i just want this suffering to end.

Even when i've tried to reach out in the past about being suicidal they basically say well your still here so you obviously don't truly want to do it which just shows how much they have no understanding at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so useless and pointless what you are describing. I do not know how that could help anyone. Nothing could ever help me anyway, I am simply not meant for this world and no amount of talking could ever change how I feel. I just want to be gone. I wish that we lived in a world where our right to die is respected.

 

[ceserasera]

I totally agree with everything you said.

Even when you finally get to the top of that waiting list the things offered are always "coping mechanisms" etc. I don't want to cope or do some bullshit mindfulness meditation or whatever the fuck i just want this suffering to end.

Even when i've tried to reach out in the past about being suicidal they basically say well your still here so you obviously don't truly want to do it which just shows how much they have no understanding at all.

It's so insulting, isn't it? They see your continued existence as evidence of your insincerity or lack of seriousness about your distress. I'd call it strength.

That sounds so useless and pointless what you are describing. I do not know how that could help anyone. Nothing could ever help me anyway, I am simply not meant for this world and no amount of talking could ever change how I feel. I just want to be gone. I wish that we lived in a world where our right to die is respected.

I've tried so much talking and I've either felt worse or not been understood, or both. Talking feels like moving food you don't like around your plate to make it look like you've eaten some. Just throw it away. It just annoys me how much therapy is viewed as the epitome of all treatment, and yes it works for some people. But those people then become preachy and patronising.

The help that is referred to is medication, therapy and coping mechanisms, which I can acknowledge helps some but it isn't the be all end all help for everyone. Other "help" that is provided are useless platitudes such as "it will get better"or "fake it til you make it". I am sorry, but I will never buy into platitudes and I personally am at the point where I don't even want to make the effort to cope. I am not a big fan of COPIUM. The only "help" I need is a miracle worker, not a therapist or medication.

When people talk if 'coping', they mean coping with the shitty circumstances thrust upon you. They mean coping with this awful world. And I get that realistically that's the only way. But equally what if I don't want that? Especially when no effort is made to relieve the pain. Platitudes are just meant to distract us from the inherent awfulness of the world. They add to that sense of inevitability. That suffering is inevitable but so is peace and happiness at some point of you just keep going. I don't know if it's hope or a cruel joke.

 

[needforvoid_]

Yeah, it's ridiculous. I often feel like some psychiatrists/ologists would tell me: "Yeah, I'd kill myself too, kill yourself," but they can't. Prevention's the only thing there is.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

When people talk if 'coping', they mean coping with the shitty circumstances thrust upon you. They mean coping with this awful world. And I get that realistically that's the only way. But equally what if I don't want that? Especially when no effort is made to relieve the pain. Platitudes are just meant to distract us from the inherent awfulness of the world. They add to that sense of inevitability. That suffering is inevitable but so is peace and happiness at some point of you just keep going. I don't know if it's hope or a cruel joke.

Platitudes have nothing to do with hope. It's them admitting they have nothing to say but veiled as advice. People just give those blindly because they want to feel like they've done something.

 

[Siterfau]

Meanwhile, your inability to function means that whilst you perish on a waiting list your degree, friends, job, etc all move on without you. Then what? You get to the top of the waiting list and you're supposed to think: 'great! At last I can rebuild my life that crumbled away as I waited for these god awful therapy which will take another 18 months to have an impact

I know this isn't related to your title question, but this just perfectly encapsulates a frustration that I was feeling for the past few months.

When it comes down to it, the advice really is just coping. They're all too willing to emphasize the importance of action, but in the same breath, will assure you that your inaction doesn't actually have that many ramifications on your life.

 

[whyknot]

I was just thinking this yesterday. I've always been the one to help others. Oftentimes at my own expense. But in the last couple of years I've needed help and have hesitated to ask. Now I'm asking and it's nowhere to be found. I've been waiting since early February for a therapy consult. My sister is letting my sleep on her couch and complaining about me to everyone around, but won't have a conversation with me about anything. My ex offers help but never follows through. Then expects me to "return the favor"… what favor is there to return??

At this point the life I want is too far out of reach. I'm tired. I'm so, so, so tired. I'm tired of the struggle, the physical pain, the mental anguish, of giving and giving. I've given too much of myself. There's no way to get it back.

My parents are dead. My ex is a piece of shit that verbally abused me for years, my siblings think one just not trying hard enough. The VA has failed me when I did ask for therapy. I'm already medicated. I have treatment resistant depression and am on a last resort medication because I've reacted badly to so many others and the rest didn't work. I have no children, no one to live on for. I will miss my niece. Sadly, she's 19 and incredibly damaged by my sister. I have hope for her, at the very least I can serve as caution to not give too much of yourself away.

My teeth are falling out of my mouth at a ridiculous rate because I've been on suboxone for 5 years. This year the FDA FINALLY said it could do that and I should have been rinsing my mouth after dosing all those years ago. Now I break a tooth if I eat a fucking tortilla chip. And this seems to be the final straw. Even if I had the desire to live, the energy to try, the support to succeed, I'm constantly ostracized because of my dental state. Again, the VA failed me.

So today I'll make my 4 attempt to end the suffering. I've done the research but I don't have the resources to guarantee it will work, so I'm leaving behind a DNR. Hopefully it's peaceful, but honestly anything is less painful than living.

 

[Achlys]

It frustrates me when I come across public service announcements or mental health awareness posts that proclaim that there's help to be found on a unilateral basis. They list hotlines, they say there's medication, and there's therapy too. As if someone with a mental illness won't already know about this 'help.' Still, the help they describe works for many. But not all.

To those who's medication doesn't help, or those who cannot find relief in therapy, or those who cannot be treated by the available methods, what else can these entities offer except for the help that has already been tried and failed? It's like they cast aside those who cannot be helped and let them waste away.

 

[houseofleaves]

Idk if it's specific to the UK and the NHS, but it's akin to turning up to a fire after the house has already burnt down, with a bucket of water. It's insulting, pointless, and would be funny if it wasn't so tragic. You wait 6 weeks for an appointment where you don't bother to speak your mind because what's the point. Then you get told 'see you in another 6 weeks'.

6 weeks between appointments??? it's in the UK? woah…(((

 

[ceserasera]

6 weeks between appointments??? it's in the UK? woah…(((

I consider myself lucky. So many people can't even get on to a waiting list to be seen. But even if you are seen, the way some staff in mental health services treat people, you'd think you're better off without their 'help'.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I haven't gone that far down the therapy route. Maybe I haven't given it enough of a chance but it doesn't surprise me to hear that it isn't very helpful.

A Councellor I briefly saw at college thought antidepressants might help and refered me to my GP. She seemed liked a lovely, compassionate lady. I guess I must have intimated that I wanted to ctb because she said something like- 'it would be a shame if you did something to harm yourself wouldn't it?' She seemed so caring that I just said 'thanks' but it made me think- a shame for who? Not for me! That's what I want! I just think it's too alien for a 'normal' thinking person to really grasp how much we want release from our lives.

I've always found it curious when on the pro-life things when they bring on people who have survived suicide attempts and the people say how glad they are that their attempt didn't work because they'd turned their lives around. I wonder whether it's because maybe they finally got the support they needed. Maybe the shock of actually nearly doing it somehow changed something in them.

Honestly though, it usually just irritates me! I'd like to hope that if I ctb and succeeded, I wouldn't be able to think anymore to be able to regret it! I've been suicidal since I was 10- for 32 years and honesty, my biggest regret is not doing it back then. I really could have done without the past 32 years...

 

[ceserasera]

I haven't gone that far down the therapy route. Maybe I haven't given it enough of a chance but it doesn't surprise me to hear that it isn't very helpful.

A Councellor I briefly saw at college thought antidepressants might help and refered me to my GP. She seemed liked a lovely, compassionate lady. I guess I must have intimated that I wanted to ctb because she said something like- 'it would be a shame if you did something to harm yourself wouldn't it?' She seemed so caring that I just said 'thanks' but it made me think- a shame for who? Not for me! That's what I want! I just think it's too alien for a 'normal' thinking person to really grasp how much we want release from our lives.

I've always found it curious when on the pro-life things when they bring on people who have survived suicide attempts and the people say how glad they are that their attempt didn't work because they'd turned their lives around. I wonder whether it's because maybe they finally got the support they needed. Maybe the shock of actually nearly doing it somehow changed something in them.

Honestly though, it usually just irritates me! I'd like to hope that if I ctb and succeeded, I wouldn't be able to think anymore to be able to regret it! I've been suicidal since I was 10- for 32 years and honesty, my biggest regret is not doing it back then. I really could have done without the past 32 years...

They always use 'success stories' to shut down the people who they fail and to make it look like if therapy didn't work for someone then it's their personal failing, not a problem with the service of therapy.

 

[wljourney]

They always use 'success stories' to shut down the people who they fail and to make it look like if therapy didn't work for someone then it's their personal failing, not a problem with the service of therapy.

Very true, but also a very normal, human thing to do.

If MH care providers wouldn't self-reinforce by validating their own existence and telling themselves repeatedly that the work they do is beneficial to others and the right thing to do, they soon would become their own clients.

For them, their existence and work is meaningful because more outcomes are positive than negative.

Denying the negative outcomes is a protective coping strategy for themselves.