Does anyone else find comfort in their suicidal thoughts?

[yami9292]

For me that means that when things feel really bad or something bad happens I just think "I'm gonna ctb soon so who even cares" and then I kinda feel better after. Like none of this matters since I'm content with dying and nothing truly matters after death but I guess that goes into the good things too but normally its for the bad stuff. It's a weird feeling of being really unhappy and then feeling a little better knowing I'm gonna die anyway or at least hope so. I'm usually pessimistic but optimistic that when I try to ctb it'll go well and I'll die on the first try.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

If chance delivers some great misfortune that you cannot remedy, a haven is always nearby. You can swim away from your body as you would from a leaking boat.

- Montaigne

 

[SadErection]

Yes I am working on myself right now but if this doesn't work out then I know at least I tried.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Knowing that I don't intend to suffer this existence much longer is a massive weight off my mind, when things get bad, I just vision one memory and I calm and know I will be back there one day soon

 

[Raminiki]

Absolutely. It has long been an anchor to me, knowing that if things get unbearable, there is a way out. I comfort myself much in the manner you do. Don't worry too much, nothing matters and you can leave it all behind whenever you feel like it. I'm powerless in this world, but I have power over myself and that is enough.

 

[Despondent]

always

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes I am working on myself right now but if this doesn't work out then I know at least I tried.

Same. I can't ctb without trying to work on myself. Never.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

Yes. The only bad thing about that is I'm always like 'Damn I'd do it now if I was alone', but then when I'm alone I back off.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I find great discomfort in feeling trapped to live, when I don't have a viable method of exit.

I feel great excitement and ease when I'm confident I have a method that will work, with ease.

 

[Timetodie90]

"The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night."

~ Friedrich Nietzsche ~

Nietzsche kind of nails it on the head for me with this quote. I have gotten through many a dark night due to my suicidal thoughts. So yes I do find comfort in my suicidal thoughts.

 

[kaz]

yes, knowing that nothing else matters is comforting

 

[Angel79]

For me that means that when things feel really bad or something bad happens I just think "I'm gonna ctb soon so who even cares" and then I kinda feel better after. Like none of this matters since I'm content with dying and nothing truly matters after death but I guess that goes into the good things too but normally its for the bad stuff. It's a weird feeling of being really unhappy and then feeling a little better knowing I'm gonna die anyway or at least hope so. I'm usually pessimistic but optimistic that when I try to ctb it'll go well and I'll die on the first try.

I was just thinking this exact same thing today. Now that I finally have my method and all the necessary items needed so that I can go whenever I choose. It's the happiest/most control over my life I have felt in a long time and I don't care about a damn thing.

 

[heraclitus]

Knowing that I could end everything gives me the strength not to. These thoughts are my comfort blanket.

 

[lexano]

I definitely do. When I'm maximum depressed and suicidal it makes me feel a lot better because at least then I know I'm going to do something. Right now I've got some overdue work that I haven't done for months. Professors have been super lenient to me and I still haven't done anything. I know I need to. But I don't. At least when I'm suicidal I know that I'm going to do something, instead of dragging out my life whilst doing nothing to better it, you feel?

When shit happens and I'm not suicidal it's not great. Yeah I know I'm a coward. But better to be a coward and then CTB than be a coward and live, right? At least that's how I feel. Wish my antidepressants didn't work as well during these times. But then I feel like a fake when I'm doing alright because if I was committed to suicide then I should do it. Lol I hate myself even when it comes to this

 

[Lucifer'sRight]

Eeeeem, YEA. cosiest spot in my mind.

Especially when i imagine all the things i WON'T need to do or endure. I'm counting them one by one in mind, and YEA it makes me feel better...

 

[SSlostallhope]

I do find comfort in knowing my lights going to be switched off real soon. No more pain. No more stress. Just nothing...

 

[the box is empty]

Thinking about CTB is how I often cope with everyday existence. "None of this matters in the end"

 

[Emily123]

i do . there were a few weeks ago that a police officer gave me an unfair ticket because he was stupid and racist. i don't boder to go to court for it because loosing that much of money doesn't change anything in my life . i just want to be in peace (as much as people let me) in the last months of my life . people are harassing me anytime that i go to street(they do this because I am a transgender ) . i don't care anymore what they are doing to me. the end is close

 

[lost.ghost]

yes, I've been depressed for so long that happiness feels foreign and uncomfortable

 

[Bct]

Suicidal thoughts give me more comfort than any positive thoughts, because it gives me more assurance and control.

 

[FriendofDeath]

I definitely do. When I'm maximum depressed and suicidal it makes me feel a lot better because at least then I know I'm going to do something. Right now I've got some overdue work that I haven't done for months. Professors have been super lenient to me and I still haven't done anything. I know I need to. But I don't. At least when I'm suicidal I know that I'm going to do something, instead of dragging out my life whilst doing nothing to better it, you feel?

When shit happens and I'm not suicidal it's not great. Yeah I know I'm a coward. But better to be a coward and then CTB than be a coward and live, right? At least that's how I feel. Wish my antidepressants didn't work as well during these times. But then I feel like a fake when I'm doing alright because if I was committed to suicide then I should do it. Lol I hate myself even when it comes to this

I want to say something, but I'm not quite sure what. I think it's the fact you keep referring to yourself as a coward. Do you think the only way to not be a coward is to ctb? No way! Making the best decision for you in your current situation makes you strong and wise. Don't do something because you think you have to - you don't! If your meds are currently helping you and you can work things through with your professors, why not? You have the rest of your life to make the final decision. My wish for you is you stop beating yourself up. And if you feel I've gone overboard with my response, my apologies. I'm here to offer support to you and every other member of this community.
Yes, knowing I can leave if things get mega difficult physically and/or mentally does add some comfort. I can be in control.

 

[Doormat]

I think of it as a huge, warm, soft comfy blanket.

 

[Samsara]

For a lot of people, suicidal thoughts can be comforting and a way of coping. Depending on your perspective/religious beliefs, death can be a reminder that suffering isn't eternal.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Yess. It is an addiction

Faced with a hard situation? Want to die

Being bullied/abused? Want do die

Hate myself? Want do die

I just want death. I just want everything to be over with. I dont care. I am so desperate to be free and to one day look down on heaven and be satisfied seeing everyone who hurt me being in pain

 

[PaYo]

pain ofexistence hehehe bye bye

 

[Theresa Riot]

Probably the most comforting thought I've ever had. Sometimes I even think I should do it on one of my rare good days, before I end up back in the pit. But I don't because I'm a coward really.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I feel incredibly comforted knowing that I have control of my own life and death.

There's also a comfort in knowing I will inevitably die one day anyway.

If I'm ever having bad anxiety, I'll actually remind myself of these things. "No, this hell will not last forever. You have control."

 

[Alec]

YES! That's exactly how I feel too. Just thinking that if it gets too bad and I can't take it I have a way out, there is a way to make it all stop and I won't be forced into something I can't stand. Thinking about possibility of suicide helps me get through the day and feel better about all the bad shit in the present and the prospect of the bad stuff in the future. And I've heard of other people coping this way too through the thoughts of suicide, where these thoughts help them get through things.

 

[ERASED]

Yes.........because I always envision myself dead sleeping in space. No more emotion. That's all I want.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

A big fat yes from me. And a big reason why I think a pro-choice site like this is so valuable: mental health professionals can't or won't acknowledge the simple fact that many of us need at least the possibility of escape from this world.