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PrincessInWhite

PrincessInWhite

I just want to sell out my funeral
Feb 21, 2019
641
None of my top 3 choices are secure and/or feasible and it makes me wanna ctb even more because I feel so trapped.

My first choice is obviously N, but the whole "impossible to find/illegal to ship" thing kind of puts a damper on that.

Second choice is SN, but I have drawbacks here too First is that I am very concerned about lasting damage if I fail. I do NOT want to get medical attention whatsoever, both for financial reasons and other complicated reasons. So if I fail and wake up, I will forever be terrified of the long term implications of an attempt with no medical treatment. Second is that I don't have access to one of the recommended antiemetics. I have hydrxyzine which is far better than nothing, but still not the best.

Third choice is the exit bag but it's honestly a horrible method for those who live with others or aren't good with their hands, both of which apply to me. Not to mention if interrupted or done incorrectly this method has a much higher chance of brain damage is SN. I had some hope about the rebreather method because it seemed much easier to set up and get in the house, but the risk of brain damage still remains.

I guess I am asking , how do you all deal with the drawbacks of your methods? How do you address them? Have you found any methods you feel safe and comfortable with?

Thanks for being here!!
 
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WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,163
The helplessness of each method seems to be inevitable but I think once you're about to REALLY CTB you ignore all the drawbacks and go for it.
At least that happened to me when I took lots of pills and planned to hang myself; I was extremely serious about dying and now I just can't.
 
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pthnrdnojvsc

pthnrdnojvsc

Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
Aug 12, 2019
3,535
That's just another huge problem of life having to get out of this life. I wish i never would have been born then i wouldn't have to deal with risking brain damage having to kill myself etc. pro-lifers make the already difficult problem of killing myself a million times worse by imposing so many legal and social constraints on suicide.
 
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tryingtoescape

tryingtoescape

Experienced
Dec 30, 2019
213
Yes, the trapped feeling is one of the worst things I've ever felt. I wish assisted suicide were legal so I wouldn't have to ruminate and stress about all of this.
 
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L

Life sucks

Visionary
Apr 18, 2018
2,134
I'm still trapped. Life is a trap and escaping is not easy. Thats why the biological body is so wrong that nobody should experience it, living is full of painful experiences and trying to escape is painful also.
 
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LenkaX

LenkaX

Maybe there is a hope!
Aug 14, 2020
366
This world is wrong because there is no euthanasia (in most places). It's just wrong.
 
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PrincessInWhite

PrincessInWhite

I just want to sell out my funeral
Feb 21, 2019
641
The helplessness of each method seems to be inevitable but I think once you're about to REALLY CTB you ignore all the drawbacks and go for it.
At least that happened to me when I took lots of pills and planned to hang myself; I was extremely serious about dying and now I just can't.
this resonated. I feel like I am getting closer and closer to that point, but I just cannot fucking cope with the idea of having lasting bodily damage and being forced to stay alive with it. I could cope with all the other drawbacks.
 
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_Kaira_

_Kaira_

This Isn't Fine
Oct 2, 2020
825
I can't ctb cause I'm trapped in life itself. I wish there was legal euthanasia in the US...
 
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A

AutoTap

Elementalist
Nov 11, 2020
885
Yep and honestly when my method arrives I'm goin to do it as soon as I can.
 
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WaitingForTheBusInTh

Student
Nov 18, 2020
174
Yes! My country's healthcare system is based entirely around keeping you just barely alive. Tooth problems? Not covered until it'll kill you from infection. Depressed? Not covered until you try to ctb but then they'll just lock you up with all other kinds of mental illness and take away your shoelaces. Wtf does the government care if I'm alive? Just let me die already
 
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F

foxdie

Got my ticket
Aug 18, 2020
1,011
Totally relate, yes I feel this. I only have methods available to me that give me a bit of unease. I want to die, I'm just not comfortable with my means yet. It is a nightmare limbo I cannot escape.
 
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death137

death137

miserable
Jun 25, 2020
1,166
Even if you have a secure method you can feel trapped especially if the method is violent. This alone make me think I wish I was never born.
 
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I

I screwed up

Waiting for the damn bus
Sep 11, 2019
883
Guess most of us are in the same boat trying to deal with the uncertainty related to our chosen method/s. But I think once we reach the point of no return .. The point where we have to take the final plunge we kind of ignore the possible drawbacks and hope for the best ...
 
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DetachedDreamer97

DetachedDreamer97

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2018
1,402
I'm close to actually securing my method, however since I made some errors in mixing the ingredients of my cocktail, I sorta feel somewhat trapped as I might've lost some of the yield of my principle poison. But since I decided to hold on to it, it's not so bad. Before though when I was still preparing it, yeah. I was on the verge of actually breaking.
 
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cytokinestorm

cytokinestorm

Member
Apr 19, 2020
81
Yes, I feel badly trapped. My only method is full hanging as the others seem shaky and I don't like the idea of ingesting SN in case I just vomit.

I'm having to wait until things get so bad that it gives me the guts to carry it out. I've tried to hang myself before, but chickened out.

I often wish I could just get sick then refuse treatment.
 
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Zhontafly

Zhontafly

Student
Jul 16, 2020
182
Feeling the same @PrincessInWhite . SN is my current favored method (out of desperation and not being able to get fentanyl) , but I'm concerned about it for the same reasons as you and an additional one. You see, I suffer from Insomnia, so I am afraid it wont knock me out at all, that I will stay awake and suffer through and live through it all. That's my biggest fear with SN. My next fear is that there will be lasting damage, cause I dont want to visit the hospitals. I would be fine with the hospital if they would just accept and respect the fact that I dont want to live and suffer and would instead of rescuing me they would instead inject with me with a lethal amount of Propofol.
 
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Shades of Grey

Shades of Grey

Student
Jun 17, 2020
183
My method of choice was taken away when I ended up in the psych ward. I was devastated initially (understatement), but have reached the point where if it can't be replaced almost immediately, a rope is fine. I don't care so much anymore about what others will find; I just need to be done.

Went to the local stationery place to buy some decent paper for my notes today. It felt a bit surreal when the cashier asked if I wanted to spend another $11 so I can receive a larger coupon next month. (Ha.)
 
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J

JustABunchOfAtoms

She/they
Jul 23, 2020
516
Yes now that I know that I can't ctb via train
 
A

AutoTap

Elementalist
Nov 11, 2020
885
I feel super sad now that my SN was intercepted and I can't get more. Now I'll have to learn how to successfully hang myself or something. It'd have to be peaceful and knock me unconscious fast or something but ughh
 
chrisbate7

chrisbate7

Student
Sep 30, 2020
191
Yes now that I know that I can't ctb via train
Can't you just lie to the that you're doing better and get out of the hospital? Then you'll have more options available to you. So just get over it and put on a show that will get you released
 
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PrincessInWhite

PrincessInWhite

I just want to sell out my funeral
Feb 21, 2019
641
Can't you just lie to the that you're doing better and get out of the hospital? Then you'll have more options available to you. So just get over it and put on a show that will get you released
That's not at all how it works, if you attempt suicide you get committed to a mental hospital. You can't just say "oh never mind I'm fine now after I just tried to kill myself." I suppose it might work if you could pass the method off as an accident but I can't think of many methods that could be easily explained away like that.
 
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suicidesheep31

suicidesheep31

Specialist
Jun 27, 2020
348
Yes, trapped on Earth. I don't want to stay here forever and endure that pain induced by strong emotions of fear, sadness, anxiety and guilt. Indeed this is a marathon, but I want to stop running and rest.
 
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chrisbate7

chrisbate7

Student
Sep 30, 2020
191
That's not at all how it works, if you attempt suicide you get committed to a mental hospital. You can't just say "oh never mind I'm fine now after I just tried to kill myself." I suppose it might work if you could pass the method off as an accident but I can't think of many methods that could be easily explained away like that.
Yes but they have been in the hospital since July. They don't hold you that long unless you aren't acting right
 
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PrincessInWhite

PrincessInWhite

I just want to sell out my funeral
Feb 21, 2019
641
Yes but they have been in the hospital since July. They don't hold you that long unless you aren't acting right
oh my mistake!! I didn't realize you were replying to another user, I thought you were responding to my original post
 
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unlovible000

Member
Nov 20, 2020
37
Yeah,
I can't cut my jugular due to the probable cause of pain, I can't hang myself due to trying that once before, it doesn't quite hurt, but it's bad enough to the point where I had to untie the cord before I could black out, and I don't have any other methods, so I'm considering running away from home.
 
S

SassySary

New Member
Jul 2, 2023
2
That's not at all how it works, if you attempt suicide you get committed to a mental hospital. You can't just say "oh never mind I'm fine now after I just tried to kill myself." I suppose it might work if you could pass the method off as an accident but I can't think of many methods that could be easily explained away like that.
I mean, YMMV but in my experience (2 hospitalizations as an adolescent) if you lie and charm well enough the staff kinda has to let you go after w.e. the mandatory hold time is in your jurisdiction. Legally it's about convincing them that you don't present a danger to any human life anymore, including your own.

They knew I tried to ctb with pills the first time and got to me before I could try the second time (I was headed to the highway when the cops pulled up bc my friends at the time felt like I was suddenly off and called a wellness check) but both times I was out as soon as they could release me because I helped them believe they had convinced me to live.
 

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