Venting Does anyone else feel the same?

[astamyr]

I am 32
all my life I have been hiding from reality in fictional stories and worlds. In books, video games, music and my fantasies that I experienced from these hobbies. The characters of games and books were more interesting to me than the people around, the painted landscapes were more interesting than the surrounding world.
Listening to music, I drown in it and can lie for hours in headphones
I had friends, but for this reason I moved away from them and do not know how to talk to people. I have so many stories and pictures in my head, but I do not know how to express these thoughts and feelings. Imagine that you simply cannot put together a sentence from words - something like this.
I feel more and more alone, a person left me who understood me as well as anyone else, but my closeness deprived me of that as well. And I saw in him a whole universe, a real inner world.
I feel misunderstanding and rejection of the whole world around me
People seem BORING to me. Empty. In their 30+, they discuss business, purchases, politics, or gossip about neighbors.
And I want to watch the sunset and imagine how I would fly on a dragon against this sky.
What is the theory of quantum physics really and how many dimensions can there be and why people will never be able to see or feel them.
How music is born in people's heads and why Gilmour's solo makes you want to live or cry.
Are we living in a cycle like the Dark Souls, or are we destined to wait for the Second Song of the Ainur, as Eru Ilúvatar intended?

Like i am a child, not grown up
although I live on my own, I make good money, I have my own housing

The feeling of detachment gets stronger and stronger as the years go by.
Not ready to say that I want to die, but I want to have this option.
I think about it sometimes in a way as if it will open the doors to my fantasies...

Does anyone else feel the same?

P.s. sorry for my english, im not a native

 

[Pluto]

That was a very beautiful post.

What we are really talking about is the 'inner child'. It is normal for young children to be in a state of pure wonderment. Life is viewed as a thing of magic, hence the attraction to fantasy and so on. Some fantasies that are pushed on children, such as Santa Claus, are ethically dubious because they entail misinformation about life that cannot be sustained under mature scrutiny. Lying to children causes damage in the long-term.

What happens next is the slaughterhouse of school. By the end of school, what counts is competing with other people, sex, chasing money and developing a strategy for surviving in a dog-eat-dog world. The later adult world of politics and gossip is merely a slightly-less-crude extension of this.

A good school system would be fundamentally different. There are a lot of genuinely wonderous things in the world and indeed, a vast need for people to better appreciate and respect nature as a matter of humanity's survival. There are also many concepts of undecided veracity, from ufology to spirituality, that represent unexplored frontiers. Raising children to fixate on sex and money is such a tragic mistake.

I think that it is a genuine achievement to maintain an inner child unto adulthood. Everyone still has one but most are buried and repressed in the name of 'survival', even though the resulting life is worse than death. Some people in arts (J. K. Rowling), industry (Elon Musk) and science (Isaac Newton) have made contributions or attained tremendous success as a direct result of their respective inner childs. For others, it is a question of surviving with the mundane, yet having an outlet - a hobby, community or interest - that keeps that spirit of wonderment and inquisitiveness alive.

 

[vitbar]

We are a similar age and I relate to what you are saying. Out of step with people some how. A life dedicated to reading, games, and music. Seldom finding anyone who we share a connection with.

 

[josephk]

I am 32
all my life I have been hiding from reality in fictional stories and worlds. In books, video games, music and my fantasies that I experienced from these hobbies. The characters of games and books were more interesting to me than the people around, the painted landscapes were more interesting than the surrounding world.
Listening to music, I drown in it and can lie for hours in headphones
I had friends, but for this reason I moved away from them and do not know how to talk to people. I have so many stories and pictures in my head, but I do not know how to express these thoughts and feelings. Imagine that you simply cannot put together a sentence from words - something like this.
I feel more and more alone, a person left me who understood me as well as anyone else, but my closeness deprived me of that as well. And I saw in him a whole universe, a real inner world.
I feel misunderstanding and rejection of the whole world around me
People seem BORING to me. Empty. In their 30+, they discuss business, purchases, politics, or gossip about neighbors.
And I want to watch the sunset and imagine how I would fly on a dragon against this sky.
What is the theory of quantum physics really and how many dimensions can there be and why people will never be able to see or feel them.
How music is born in people's heads and why Gilmour's solo makes you want to live or cry.
Are we living in a cycle like the Dark Souls, or are we destined to wait for the Second Song of the Ainur, as Eru Ilúvatar intended?

Like i am a child, not grown up
although I live on my own, I make good money, I have my own housing

The feeling of detachment gets stronger and stronger as the years go by.
Not ready to say that I want to die, but I want to have this option.
I think about it sometimes in a way as if it will open the doors to my fantasies...

Does anyone else feel the same?

P.s. sorry for my english, im not a native

im on the spectrum so some of your post makes sense to me. I feel a detachment from most people & have found more interest in "things". I find music & subjects like philosophy, history & psychology & architecture more interesting that day to day things. Its not easy because like you I find most people boring.

 

[astamyr]

That was a very beautiful post.

What we are really talking about is the 'inner child'. It is normal for young children to be in a state of pure wonderment. Life is viewed as a thing of magic, hence the attraction to fantasy and so on. Some fantasies that are pushed on children, such as Santa Claus, are ethically dubious because they entail misinformation about life that cannot be sustained under mature scrutiny. Lying to children causes damage in the long-term.

What happens next is the slaughterhouse of school. By the end of school, what counts is competing with other people, sex, chasing money and developing a strategy for surviving in a dog-eat-dog world. The later adult world of politics and gossip is merely a slightly-less-crude extension of this.

A good school system would be fundamentally different. There are a lot of genuinely wonderous things in the world and indeed, a vast need for people to better appreciate and respect nature as a matter of humanity's survival. There are also many concepts of undecided veracity, from ufology to spirituality, that represent unexplored frontiers. Raising children to fixate on sex and money is such a tragic mistake.

I think that it is a genuine achievement to maintain an inner child unto adulthood. Everyone still has one but most are buried and repressed in the name of 'survival', even though the resulting life is worse than death. Some people in arts (J. K. Rowling), industry (Elon Musk) and science (Isaac Newton) have made contributions or attained tremendous success as a direct result of their respective inner childs. For others, it is a question of surviving with the mundane, yet having an outlet - a hobby, community or interest - that keeps that spirit of wonderment and inquisitiveness alive.

Thank you for this answer.

You expressed my thoughts in the right words. I see the problem with a small child is that when you are surrounded by "adults", a small child and you become bored and lonely. I think this is the cause of apathy and depression, and it becomes cyclical, because by closing in on oneself, a person stops expressing himself to others.
But when you somehow meet people who are quite self-sufficient and who have retained such an attitude towards the world around them, everything around you literally changes.
I would describe it as if a veil is falling from my eyes.
Unfortunately in my experience at the age of 30+ it is very difficult to meet someone like that, especially with socialization problems.

We are a similar age and I relate to what you are saying. Out of step with people some how. A life dedicated to reading, games, and music. Seldom finding anyone who we share a connection with.

im on the spectrum so some of your post makes sense to me. I feel a detachment from most people & have found more interest in "things". I find music & subjects like philosophy, history & psychology & architecture more interesting that day to day things. Its not easy because like you I find most people boring.

Hey, can you share, what kind of books, games and music you like, if that's ok to you?

On my side i really love for ex. Ray Bradbury, especially "The Martian Chronicles" and "Forever and the Earth", "A Wizard of Earthsea" Ursula Le Guin(this one was so creepy for me at my childhood), Karl Edward Wagner's Kane series, Lovecraft, also i'm Tolkien big fan

Like Souls series and UE4 for my interest to history. And i play visual novel sometimes.

I may look silly but what if i can find someone to talk here from who responded to my post.

Anyway, thank you all for attention

 

[josephk]

Thank you for this answer.

You expressed my thoughts in the right words. I see the problem with a small child is that when you are surrounded by "adults", a small child and you become bored and lonely. I think this is the cause of apathy and depression, and it becomes cyclical, because by closing in on oneself, a person stops expressing himself to others.
But when you somehow meet people who are quite self-sufficient and who have retained such an attitude towards the world around them, everything around you literally changes.
I would describe it as if a veil is falling from my eyes.
Unfortunately in my experience at the age of 30+ it is very difficult to meet someone like that, especially with socialization problems.




Hey, can you share, what kind of books, games and music you like, if that's ok to you?

On my side i really love for ex. Ray Bradbury, especially "The Martian Chronicles" and "Forever and the Earth", "A Wizard of Earthsea" Ursula Le Guin(this one was so creepy for me at my childhood), Karl Edward Wagner's Kane series, Lovecraft, also i'm Tolkien big fan

Like Souls series and UE4 for my interest to history. And i play visual novel sometimes.

I may look silly but what if i can find someone to talk here from who responded to my post.

Anyway, thank you all for attention

The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa is one of the profoundest novels (if you can call it a novel) ive ever read. I read a bit of it everyday. Its well worth a read if you are suffering mental illness. Pessoa wasnt well. He drank himself to death, probably had multiple personality disorder. He was a great poet as well - along with Giacomo Leopardi.
Dostoevsky is a genius, so is Franz Kafka
Master & Margerita by Bulgakov is great

Philosophically theres obviously Schopenhauer and David Benatar , but John Grays "straw dogs" is a worthy meditation on the human condition.
Jean Amery is quality and so is John Marmysz

Musically I like classical. Also most grunge, Smiths , Depeche mode

i dont really play games other than Chess

 

[astamyr]

The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa is one of the profoundest novels (if you can call it a novel) ive ever read. I read a bit of it everyday. Its well worth a read if you are suffering mental illness. Pessoa wasnt well. He drank himself to death, probably had multiple personality disorder. He was a great poet as well - along with Giacomo Leopardi.
Dostoevsky is a genius, so is Franz Kafka
Master & Margerita by Bulgakov is great

Philosophically theres obviously Schopenhauer and David Benatar , but John Grays "straw dogs" is a worthy meditation on the human condition.
Jean Amery is quality and so is John Marmysz

Musically I like classical. Also most grunge, Smiths , Depeche mode

i dont really play games other than Chess

Thanks for sharing.
Master & Margerita is a masterpiece
I'll take my look on The Book of Disquiet, this one interested me

Talking about philosophy i've been reading Marcus Aurelius and Seneka, stoic ideas is kinda popular now.

 

[josephk]

Yes some of Stoicism has improved me. Epictetus's dichotomy of control has been helpful to me.
I quite liked the Meditations