Does anyone else feel terrified of getting old/older?

[AuraByte]

My body and health is absolutely fucked, and I am 37.

I plan to ctb before it gets too bad and I lose any independence and dignity.

 

[兎の耳]

I'm 43 and way past the age that most trans people usually transition. I know there are lots of vibrant happy beautiful ladies out there over 40, but in my own case I feel like if finish transitioning I will just be an old lady so why bother?

What kind of life would I have? What kind of person would want me? I feel like my life is over without having ever started. I'll never have the experience of being a young woman and my social phobia robbed me of the experience of being a young person in general.

I am terrified of aging any more. Every day feels wasted if I'm not doing something towards transitioning, and even when I am it feels like the sun has already set.

 

[Drogon]

I turn 40 in a few months and I'm not taking it well . The world expects another 40 years out of me and I don't have it in myself to continue that long .

 

[DeniedPeace]

31 and feel like my life has forever been a downhill. But I'm not scared of old age at all. When I think about my older self I think "that would mean I didn't CTB so things would have gotten better".
But honestly I don't often think so far ahead of time, I commit "soft" CTB attempts about every three days so I'm quite confident I'll get over my SI in a matter of weeks from now, hopefully.

 

[grandmotherboxing]

Yeah. Sorta. Definitely. I don't feel like at a certain age there will be no more good things, excitement, freedom or any other positive experiences, rather that it will be too late to start going towards that if you haven't already. To me that age is 30. My family has good aging genes on both sides, but due to a cycle of bad mental and physical health i fear aging into a disabled, dependent and perpetually bitter old man way before I should hit that naturally. I have no friends, no career and no college education, but what i do have is back problems, muscle weakness, depression and a lack of motivation can only make things worse, and this frightens me to no end.

Another factor is the feeling of wasted time. I'm 21, but I already feel like my life should've started earlier. Realistically I can't improve well enough (and that is if everything goes according to my "plan") before age 24 or 25. Every misstep delays it in my mind, no matter how much it really does.

I try to turn my fear into action, but I am prone to panic. I am deathly scared of time, but I can't fight it.

 

[verybabybunny]

when i think of getting older, i feel like ur meant to have accomplished so many things in life and have urself be known somewhere, be rich and retire peacefully in a loving life. but i become anxious because im literally nowhere near an accomplishment, and when i think of where id possibly be at, i feel sad because i dont wanna be in the same house, same struggles, same everything and not moved once. it makes me motivated to try to do something but, it goes away so fast because, it feels like its too late for me.

It troubles me how many of you young people on this site want to be accomplished so badly. Ugh. Being accomplished means being loved. Means everyone being healthy. Means food on the table and a place to live. Thats all being accomplished ever was. And even that is too hard for the majority of people who will ever live.

Work on loving and being loved and if youre still miserable, then there's something going on. Then its valid. I cant fathom wanting to end it all because you 'haven't accomplished anything'. Me and my entire family should be dead then. Thats not what any of this is about. Those aren't real accomplishments.

Edit to say yes I am horrified about getting older but not a single ounce of that fear has anything to do with accomplishments; I dont want more people to walk away from my life, or to die in front of me, I dont want to experience 45 more years of love loss and heartbreak, of friendships that never last, I dont want to watch the world crumble around me while my body crumbles too, I dont want getting up and walking around to get harder, to lose myself to disease....I couldn't give a rats ass about accomplishments. This is already so hard. The older we get the more it physically as well as emotionally continues to devolve.

 

[castlebravo]

I'm 55. I have a progressive neurological condition that is slowly robbing me of my mobility. I think I've always had suicidal thoughts going back but never seriously planned until now. Between this condition, my kid is grown up and not looking forward to anything it's been a priority. So far - the only planning I have done is ordered rope that's sitting in my garage. I'm not sure I'd even want to go that way. I have an antique car that should pump out enough CO to do the job but that's currently not running. Plus I'm afraid of what my wife might do to the car if I use it. I know that's a weird thing to worry about…

 

[shampoo sniffer]

Yes, my looks are aging like milk even though I don't get any UV exposure. Must be genetics.

 

[Spite]

Getting older is something I worry about a lot and always have. I dread the thought of myself ageing. I wish I could be young forever. I'm 27 and I feel like I've wasted most of my 20s away. Now I'm pushing 30 and it's making me pretty anxious. I only imagine my anxieties will get worse as I get older...

 

[Ligottian]

I've posted this quote from the film Pulp Fiction before.

Some people think they're going to age like wine. If you mean it turns to vinegar, you're right. If you mean it gets better with age, it dont.

- Marcellus Wallace (edited and cleaned up a bit)

 

[InevitableDeath]

Worst things about getting old...

Illness and constant pain
Loss of physical ability to do things you once enjoyed - from sport to musical instruments
Wisdom and loss of self-delusion (society, people, politics)
Loss of once rebellious friends who all turn into tedious, anti-intellectual, conformist, snobby, suburban bores.
Betrayals, so many betrayals.
Loss of motivation
Living in poverty
Contempt and bullying from others. Its a sad thing that as soon as you look frail you become a target for bullies.

A lot of older people, particularly men, ctb quietly and efficiently.

 

[Sewing]

I am but I think it's mostly conditioning from toxic internet communities and the lack of a stimulating or nourishing youth. I can get better starting now but I don't want to get better now. I want to have already been better and to not have wasted so much time and had such a shit start. It just doesnt feel worth it.

 

[InevitableDeath]

Yes. It's hard for me to understand people that want to live longer, by the way - why? Ok, there are many ways of getting older, but the majority involves the decrease of everything, like reasoning, locomotion, autonomy, etc. It's certainly downhill, and hopefully I won't be here to see it - didn't even achieved 40's and life is already miserable, can't imagine beyond that.

its just vanity. people want to live forever for vanity, and the ones who do are usually the most boring suburban selfish fucks ever