Venting Does anyone else feel more suicidal during summer?

[archiveofpain]

As the title says, I wonder if someone else experiences this? Lately I'm finding my depression is a lot worse with summer coming up soon probably because I see this as the biggest reminder that I have no life.

I see everyone else enjoying life and here I am contemplating CTB because I have nothing at all beyond rotting all day in bed and mindless scrolling. It doesn't help that I live in a small town that has nothing so the best I can do is going for a walk but everyday feels so terribly repetitive and dull that I don't know if I can keep going like this. The one thing that holds me here is the fact that I don't want to traumatize my only friend but I really want to give up and just quit everything, I don't know for how long I'll be able to hold on

 

[spicyfriedtofu]

Yes, exactly this. Mostly I'm slightly less depressed in the summer, but I've definitely had summer depressions for the reasons you mention, and I always have anxiety and feelings of purposelessness. Especially when going for walks downtown.

 

[lost_ange2211]

I always though winter would be worse for my mind (darkness, brown nature,..) But I love the cold. And summer is just a pain with the heat and the quick changing weather before massive heat waves which stalls me quickly. I also don't like high temperature and high humidity my body just feels more weak and tired and makes me wanna sleep most of the time.

So yeah I also struggle a lot with summer.

 

[Yuki_03]

Yeah, but mainly because it's my birthday and holidays and seeing people having all that happiness just makes me want to ctb,

 

[DepressedDude]

I can't spend half the day sleeping in summer because it's so hot, I was very suicidal a few months ago when it was summer but was also tranquillized by antipsychotics so had no energy and just wanted to lay down but it was too hot, it was absolute torture.

If I had SN or a gun I would've been dead back then but now I've survived it and have a bit of energy plus the coolness of Autumn/Winter I can sleep most of the day, I still want to die but not as desperate to end things like in summer.

 

[_Minsk]

Summer is the worst, heat, sweat, insects, no sleep bcuz its bright most of the time

 

[Forveleth]

Reverse season affective disorder here . Absolutely.

 

[Лена]

As the title says, I wonder if someone else experiences this? Lately I'm finding my depression is a lot worse with summer coming up soon probably because I see this as the biggest reminder that I have no life.

I see everyone else enjoying life and here I am contemplating CTB because I have nothing at all beyond rotting all day in bed and mindless scrolling. It doesn't help that I live in a small town that has nothing so the best I can do is going for a walk but everyday feels so terribly repetitive and dull that I don't know if I can keep going like this. The one thing that holds me here is the fact that I don't want to traumatize my only friend but I really want to give up and just quit everything, I don't know for how long I'll be able to hold on

You are describing my story directly. I can't see how people live either. To remember that two years ago I was a super positive person. I'm thinking of leaving soon. I lie down all the time and don't get up. One female doctor destroyed my life forever.

 

[Saturn_]

All the worst things that happen in my life seem to take place in spring, and I'm left to make sense of the deep depression that follows me into summer.

 

[set0553]

I was beginning to think I was the only one that has seasonal depression, not in the winter like most, but during summer/spring.. I seem to feel slightly better in deep fall and in winter and I prefer the cold and dark. Maybe the fact I work a job year around that's outside for 9 hours a day, and the heat/warmth is very uncomfortable, and many more ppl around too. Winter days and nights I'm basically by myself all day, which is what I most prefer..

 

[divinemistress36]

My trauma happened in summer so its a reminder how much i hate summer. Being hot and sweaty and its to bright outside and to many people

 

[eatantz]

Summer is hell, I can't sleep and I can't leave the house. I can't wear revealing/cool clothes since I'm insecure of my body and my scars. Literally a nightmare

 

[Kurai]

Summer is the worst for me as everyone is out and lively. I'm over here stuck in my room bed rotting all day I just want to ctb already

 

[maneose]

very, everything is just so quiet and repetitive. school sucks but at least it gave me an opportunity to leave my house and keep me distracted. i always feel like i'm rotting away because all i do is wake up, play games, and sleep. i feel like my anxiety has gotten so much worse too and i can't even bring myself to text my friends. i think it's amplified because in highschool i at least had a reason to not be able to leave the house but i just feel like a major loser knowing i'm almost 20 and can't even go to the park by myself because of my parents. also trying to plan to make my life better but i can't even make myself do anything i know i need to do. the heat isn't a problem for me, it's annoying at times but since i'm inside all the time it doesn't effect me. but even if it did i live in a desert so i've gotten used to it

 

[TapeMachine]

Summer used to help me. The boost of sunshine during the spring/summer months significantly increased my motivation and energy.

But this year, I'm feeling worse. I keep waiting for the typical surge of motivation to materialize, but I'm as listless as ever. And the guilt I feel for essentially wasting away inside my house whilst neglecting my loved ones is...paramount. It's so much more obvious how reclusive I've become during a season when others are vacationing, getting together, and so on.

 

[Raven2]

I actually feel better in winter, I let myself hibernate and I love big warm coats and scarves and coming home and feeling cozy.
In summer i hear people having parties/ barbecues and generally having fun while I'm missing out being depressed by myself. Makes me feel rubbish.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

I hate it. Everyone is out there having their hot girl summer and then there's me, hiding in the house or wearing sweaters due to insecurity and sweating half to death.

 

[deadtomorrow]

I love the summer weather, but it makes me want to hesitate going outside because that's the time people are outside, enjoying their lives and that weather with other humans and i have to watch not being able to do the same

 

[Onelegman]

Definitely yes, changes in season and temperature in general affect me a lot, but in summer things go crazy, the heat, the obligation to go on vacation with my parents to the beach, getting up early to get a place on the beach , putting on the cream... I'm so nervous that as soon as I get up I start to gag and I have to soak my head in cold water and take an antiemetic so I can have breakfast 30 minutes later. I hate it

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I hate the summer. Too hot and sticky, and something about the bright sun depresses me. I find it lonely for some reason. Give me some comfy rain, clouds and wind any day. I like the autumn best.

 

[jarik]

yes, i,m…

I hate the summer. Too hot and sticky, and something about the bright sun depresses me. I find it lonely for some reason. Give me some comfy rain, clouds and wind any day. I like the autumn best.

I hate the summer I hate the sun, I prefer to stay at home in the cold and I prefer winter

 

[Proxycake]

Yeah, but I think for me it's mainly the weather. I hate when it's bright out, I draw my blackout curtains and sit inside all day until it isn't so blinding out - then when you go outside at night, it's still hot. Terrible.

 

[abchia]

Yes, every summer. I spend much more time around family during this time of year and they always make ignorant/mean comments. Over the years, I realize I get noticeably worse during the summer. And it just seems to keep getting worse lol. Everyone seems to be happier and more lively, they hang out and have more fun, and I feel like a dead person trapped within myself.