Does anyone else feel like they’re not meant to live out a full life?

[sserafim]

Ever since I was a kid, I've always thought that I wasn't meant to live out a full life. I always thought that I would die young, and by my own hand. I didn't even see myself reaching adulthood, I never saw myself becoming an adult. I thought that I would be dead before then. Now, it feels like I've lived too long. I don't think that I was ever meant to be an adult. I could never see myself having to work for a living or go to a job everyday. I could never see myself growing old either. It's just not in the future I envisioned for myself. I should have been long gone…I really feel like I was meant to die sometime in 2018. Nothing after 2018 feels real to me, it feels like a (bad) dream.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

i said i'd be dead after my dog died. it's been 2 years xD. i can totally relate to this.

 

[iloverachel]

When I was a kid I always thought of dying at about 26
Never imagined I'd live to 30
No chance in hell I'm living to 40

 

[sserafim]

When I was a kid I always thought of dying at about 26
Never imagined I'd live to 30
No chance in hell I'm living to 40

When I was a kid I always thought of dying before 18. Never imagined I'd live to 23. No chance in hell I'm living to 25.

 

[Chronosphere]

Very relatable. I thought I'll end my life maximum at 17. I am still a 15 y.o. suicidal boy locked in a body of a grown-up man.

 

[ihavenothingleft]

When I was 16 I thought I'd live to about 19 now I'm 24 soon to be 25 I don't see myself carrying on past 27

 

[sserafim]

Very relatable. I thought I'll end my life maximum at 17. I am still a 15 y.o. suicidal boy locked in a body of a grown-up man.

I still feel mentally like 17. I heard that people with ADHD like me are 30% less mature than their age though. Maybe that's why...

 

[Agon321]

i said i'd be dead after my dog died. it's been 2 years xD. i can totally relate to this.

Theoretically, I should no longer be alive from December 2022. Unfortunately, I'm very alive for a corpse :). My mind really wants to be on this planet, it irritates me.

 

[HaveYouEverThought]

I never thought I'd make it to 30. But here I am. Just barely made that timeline

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

I've been thinking about this over and over. It's hard to explain but I feel like ever since I was a kid this has been the case.

 

[sserafim]

I've been thinking about this over and over. It's hard to explain but I feel like ever since I was a kid this has been the case.

I'm certain that I died in 2018 in an alternate timeline and shifted to this one.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I honestly think I was only put on this earth just to bring suffering to others, whether I CTB or not.

 

[EmptyHeaded]

I've pretty much always known I'd die young. Always had a date in mind, and I guess that date is soon.

 

[mtoro998]

I had a weird feeling I would die young even though I didnt used to be suicidal. Now I really feel that I wont live past this year.

 

[Homo erectus]

I didn't really worry about death. But I came across the idea of dying with dignity, or euthanasia, very early on. It has been my goal since then. I think I am more open-minded to such idea than other people.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I think any good person should feel this way. You really can't get anywhere in this life, or perhaps even survive, unless you're willing to lie to, take advantage of and/or step over fellow human beings. There will never be harmony in anyone's life. When one aspect is going good, it's almost guaranteed that another aspect of your life will be bad. For each family member or friend around you that is happy, there will be one that is equally as sad.

It doesn't even have to be this way, but it seems like 99% of humans purposely go out their way to make life complicated. I'm so sick of it. Just kill me already.

 

[Ernest1964]

I'm not sure what that actually means... What's a "full life"? I'm 59 years old. I've traveled to 48 different countries around the world. I've been to all of the 7 New Wonders of the World. I've ridden a boat on the Amazon River. I've seen The Mona Lisa and the Statue of David in person. I've had my hand in the Nile River and left my foot print in the dust at the Pyramids in Giza, Egypt. I've put my feet into the Atlantic, the Pacific, and the Indian Oceans. I've survived the October 17, 1998 Loma Prieta Earthquake in California, the Tsunami in Phuket, Thailand on Boxing Day (Dec. 26th 2004) and I survived my childhood with an alcoholic father.

So... I think that maybe I've lived what some might call a "full life" . So when I decide it's time to move on from this planet I do so with very few regrets.

And that's all I have to say about that.

 

[theboy]

I can relate. I feel like I should have died a long time ago.

 

[tbroken]

Imo many of us are society dependent and they were forced by someone or something to go in a specific direction.
I mean, many just take a STEM degree and aim to have a 9-5 job of similar.
Actually you can go to live in a farm, become a doctor and go to live in Africa or open your own business.
That's why i took my time in life, i wanted to know myself before taking action.

 

[sserafim]

Imo many of us are society dependent and they were forced to someone or something to go in a specific direction.
I mean, many just take a STEM degree and aim to have a 9-5 job of similar.
Actually you can go to live in a farm, become a doctor and go to live in Africa or open your own business.
That's why i took my time in life, i wanted to know myself before taking action.

I have a STEM degree and my parents wanted me to go on to medical school to be a doctor. They wanted one child to be a doctor, and the other to be a lawyer. I don't know what I want though. The world is your oyster and there are so many choices, it's overwhelming. There are so many things, but I want none of them. I don't know what I like. How did you get to know yourself? What did you decide to do instead of following someone else's path for you?

This song describes my life:

Any - Stray Kids

 

[tbroken]

I have a STEM degree and my parents wanted me to go on to medical school to be a doctor. They wanted one child to be a doctor, and the other to be a lawyer. I don't know what I want though. The world is your oyster and there's so many choices, they're overwhelming. There are so many things, but I want none of them. How did you get to know yourself? What did you decide to do instead?

I went for STEM and computer engineering but for two main reasons: the first is because i was good in maths when i was really young, the second because i was fascinated by learning new things.
Let's say it is the only real thing that keeps me fascinated a little bit, because it stimulates my brain and it actually works as you intended to.
My depression is strictly connected to the place i was born, i don't have other major problems. The problem is this freaking place and the people.

 

[disgustingmale]

Yes.

 

[Unknown21]

I feel that I have lived through a lot and suffered unnecessary suffering that could have been avoided if I had committed suicide as a teenager. I'm 21 years old and I really feel very old. I wasn't supposed to be alive, I wasn't supposed to be here in the first place, I wish the Contraceptive method had worked.

 

[slightoverlooked]

never believed i would make it past 18 yrs old. failed ctb after graduating...failed 4 more times after that lmao! gonna turn 22 soon and for now I am aiming to ctb after finishing my bachelor's degree. just postponing ctb atp bc my mother and cats are holding me back. so i might have to wait for a bit till i can actually ctb but i wish i could just die when i turn 25. Maybe if i imagine it a lot my body will decide to self-destruct and give me a heart attack at 25 /hj...or my anorexia could kill me /srs.

 

[jacobryan]

I wish I had ctb at 16. I considered it so many times but I clearly never did.

 

[AlternativeBagel]

Definitely. From around 11 years old I knew that I didn't want to live past 50. I see in everyday life how cold, bitter, and both mentally and physically draining becoming old gets. You lose your mind and your body. Sure there are exceptions but I always knew I would never be one. I'd rather go out while I'm still fully in control of myself.

 

[uzuf86]

I am sorry to hear OP; I've lost my sense of purpose for a long time now as well and I want to really ctb in the near future. I am seriously in belief that the world is better off without me. I cannot forgive myself for the mistakes I've done and the way I hurt others around me.

 

[wiinterfrost]

ha, this got recommended to me after i posted mine.
i totally relate! from the age of 13 i'd say i thought i'd die soon. now i just feel old and like i should've done it long ago but it's gonna happen soon now i guess

 

[LetMeBeSad]

I didn't think I'd make it to 39. Now I just feel like I'm rotting away when I should've been gone when I was a child.