Discussion does anyone else find it comforting just to browse this site?

[Kali_Yuga13]

It's a cozy corner of the Internet for me too.

 

[mattoman]

I agree with you. In the spring time I opened up to two of my closest friends about my thoughts and plans I had made, obviously I didn't execute the ideas since I'm writing this, but they were shocked, but after that I felt so awkward about it. Hell, I would be shocked too, I wouldn't know how to react if someone I know told me they'd want to kill themselves. I don't know what it is that made me feel awkward, was it because I thought they wouldn't have guessed I was suicidal? I too think I'm lucky to have people around me who would care if I died, I think that is one of the reasons that stops me from killing myself. Just sucks that they would care after I'm dead. Not a single "how's it going" has come through in ages. But anyway, I am glad that I have found this forum with like-minded people who aren't too judgmental about topic such as suicide

 

[inthebay]

I lurked here for well over a year before I joined. It provided comfort. But I am so antisocial and hate social media so I couldn't imagine interacting with others in a forum. I never would have imagined that I'd be giving likes and hugs to people. But obviously, I joined. Depending on how I feel each day, it can vary whether I reply or just react to a post. Definitely comforting still just to look.

i'm the same, i lurked here for at least six months before joining. i deleted/deactivated all of my social media about a year ago, too. it can feel sort of scary interacting with people in a regular context for me, but it feels a bit different here.

I enjoy coming here and reading through comments, new and old. Some are funny and entertaining, some are explosive with anger, and of course, some are sad.

Whether or not I post anything when I come here doesn't matter to me, I'm among others like me, and that's my comfort zone.

just from a sociological/philosophical perspective, too, it's really interesting to see other people's emotional reactions to their own suicidal ideation, and their thoughts about actually ctb. i've always been alone in my own head about it, and felt very numb about the idea of my own death, so seeing other people getting so angry, upset, etc.- it's different, but different in a good way? if that makes any sense?

Absolutely. I feel less alone knowing I am not the only person who feels like this.
And I don't have to deal with people trying to cheer me up or feeding me pro-life propaganda.

yeah- it's kind of funny, but as long as i've been suicidal, i've never wanted to be cheered up, i've only ever wanted to be seen and understood, i think. i think people misunderstand the desire for suicide as just being "sad", when at least for me, it's more of a resignation. it's a response to a long pattern of sadness, misery, rejection, isolation, discrimination, abuse, etc.

Cloudy.

Was more like weathering seasons. Arrived on a cool and cloudy day and saw the promise of a place to just let my own gale rage. There was no need to slip behind a low spruce branch, all the others were as darkened in soul as much or more than mine own. The summer promise of this gathering is a personal choice of proximity, involvement, and self progression or none at all. Like a butterfly on a light wind stretching to travel to the next awkward stop in the air, I was fortunate to peruse the darkness as it enveloped others.

Fall brought the ever spiraling of leaves as a gust of wind danced by. Pulled out a cursed pipe and wrote my story in pieces for others but also seeing the shadows, forlorn despair, and the loss of anything resembling a will to live. Along with it all was also the quick turn of leaves to reds, golds, and browns after a summer run finished. Although dark souls there was curiosity, laughter, sarcastic grit, vulnerability, strength, caring, and the full gamut of entirety of what the world is elsewhere but with a dark flavoring. In those ways perhaps it is a comfort.

Winter with bracing cold, a polar bear would wince, carries a quiet but bludgeoning seeping frost. Enlightened by more than a few here by what they scribbled and at times by my own thoughts as I responded, but demons are not called bunnies for a reason. The pain ebbs and flows but is still there, understanding I may very well pass any day I stumble. Still wanting to grow even though time may be short. Looking for more than sawdust to fill a hole. What do you put in your chest when love has been ripped out? Whats left to love, who, or is it nothing? Winter brought demons, the ones that come alone, that no one can parry but my own soul.

Spring? Well havent made it there but would imagine it would be either some kind of acceptance and healing moving forward or more than likely demons slain because my own soul darkened enough that death thought me fit for company.

May well be a bit cloudy but there are some precious responses already scratched down. Cloudy comfort….yep cloudy comfort.

Sutter

this is really beautiful, i appreciate you sharing this here.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

Everytime I get anxious I visit the site (Like right now!) helps me calm down. Makes me feel seen, in a way.

 

[AnonymousTomato]

I just like that this is a place where our thoughts aren't censored/there isn't threat of being locked up for them.

Being suicidal is so damn lonely. I can't talk about it to anyone; they'll do everything they can to stop me, due to love or fear or self-centered concerns about legal repercussions. I just have this overwhelming need to be heard, without someone rushing past my story to stop me. I wish I could tell my partner I ordered SN today. That this is where we are now, and that I'm scared but also relieved that I will have a way out if I need it. But he'll have me committed if I bring it up. It's happened before. I won't let it happen again.

Hell, I have close friends online who know a ton about me but who don't happen to know my address. I can't even tell them. I've tried. They straight up tell me they don't want to hear about it. As if ignoring it, not entertaining the idea, helps.

I've seen a lot of censorship in my time but this one really takes the cake. After I survived my first attempt, something that stuck with me is how fucking scared people get when you look serious about it. They'll call any hotline, any crisis center, to fix the problem. Most likely to wash their hands of you. I mean fuck, you can Google anything but if you dare Google anything related to suicide you get spammed with a million crisis hotlines. Why is it so goddamn important to everyone that I stick around? No one wants me here, so stop standing in my way. Christ. It's the economy, isn't it?!

 

[notadaisy]

this site really is like a safe and open sanctuary for me. if my days are bad or im feeling awful, i go here.. but even in the days were it's not that bad, i browse either way. it gives a sense of comfort that im not the only one feeling the way how i feel and some can understand the way i feel. this is a very open space to talk about anything. a lot of great people are also here, knowledgeable people, and ones who are truly aware about reality and existence.

 

[Roadrunner]

I too find it comforting!

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

Same

Cioran said it well,

 

[Kobusu]

Sanctioned is a great place for me to come when I'm at a low point, because it's comforting to feel surrounded by people who understand. The people here may not always understand each other's problems or motivations, but most people here respect each other's human experiences and suffering, and it's really nice to speak to people like that. Sometimes it feels like it's hard to find someone who is properly human, but this place reminds me we're not ever alone as we feel.

 

[SA1994EC]

This forum is an incomparable place to me.
Everyone left me after I decided not to pretend to be someone else other than myself, though I had very few people to talk to beforehand. When I started talking about issues in my life, they could not be fast enough to run away. So, browsing and posting in this site is a big comfort to me,
You cannot get the understanding, empathy and sympathy that people show in this forum in any other places. I am truly grateful of this forum, the creators and moderators.