Does anyone else feel like they missed out?

[persepexa]

Like do you ever go outside and see a group of friends laughing, or see a social media post of someone just having fun with their friends and think "why don't I have that?" I've had friends like that before but it was so long ago that I felt that love. Honestly it's been almost 10 years since I had that. And I've ruined each and every friendship like that. So maybe deep down I don't want to be loved. Maybe there's something deeply wrong with me that I just can't be. Because surely if I really wanted those things I would have them by now. I'm not sure I'm making any sense I just wanted to express how I feel and this is the only place I can do that.

 

[TBONTB]

Yes, I share your feeling. It's a little different because mine is economic. I see people going on have homes, going out for meals, getting new shoes. And I think, that used to be me. I used to live on the other side of the "normal" wall. But that sense of "other" is so deep.

 

[jupiterflower]

Like do you ever go outside and see a group of friends laughing, or see a social media post of someone just having fun with their friends and think "why don't I have that?" I've had friends like that before but it was so long ago that I felt that love. Honestly it's been almost 10 years since I had that. And I've ruined each and every friendship like that. So maybe deep down I don't want to be loved. Maybe there's something deeply wrong with me that I just can't be. Because surely if I really wanted those things I would have them by now. I'm not sure I'm making any sense I just wanted to express how I feel and this is the only place I can do that.

yeah i feel that. i feel like every time i get close to that i sabotage it for myself

 

[NeverHis]

Yes.
But it's not really my own fault. I kind of had it when I was a child, before I got sick. But the last thing I truly had anything even remotely resembling that was in the 90's, so....

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Missed out on most things.

 

[starboy2k]

Have I missed out on stuff like that yea.
Do I care at this point? Nah.
Living with my own existence is tiring already, associating with others is even more tiresome.

 

[Antyquel]

Like do you ever go outside and see a group of friends laughing, or see a social media post of someone just having fun with their friends and think "why don't I have that?" I've had friends like that before but it was so long ago that I felt that love. Honestly it's been almost 10 years since I had that. And I've ruined each and every friendship like that. So maybe deep down I don't want to be loved. Maybe there's something deeply wrong with me that I just can't be. Because surely if I really wanted those things I would have them by now. I'm not sure I'm making any sense I just wanted to express how I feel and this is the only place I can do that.

I didn't really 'miss out'; I just didn't (and still don't) feel entirely ready for that kind of stuff. Not everyone gets what they want

 

[Santana Idaho]

Edit: I just wrote the fastest 1,000+ word essay I've ever done. I'm sorry, but I've been just YAPPY lately. My anxiety has been turned up to 11 for years, now.

LIke, why not just make 10 louder?

Anyway, here's Wonderwalll,

I feel so much like nothing partly because of this. My family never interacted with me as a family member. I was ALWAYS in trouble. Or being ridiculed. And that's the only time anyone really talked to me. I have a photo in my memento box that shows me in middle school with my sister and niece, and I have my hand on my belly, pushing it out to look fatter. Because we were just talking about my niece eating too much food and not wanting to be fat like me.

They're immigrants, and they only spoke their language with each other. I could only talk to my older brother who took his anger at being parentified out on me. I was regularly abused by him and everyone.

At school, I had multiple bullies. Peers were just generally mean, and the ones who weren't didn't care to defend me in any way. Not even to show disdain at them. When I got to high school, it cooled down, and I had a bit of a social life. A bit. But because of not interacting normally my whole life, I was just weird and bitchy. I'm a bitch. I was raised by bitches. I was so mean and awful because of my damage, but also because I thought that it was normal behavior. My friends bullied me sometimes. But then they would be nice. I loved them. LIke my grandma. And my mom. And my brother. I thought that I could be like them. Most of the time, I didn't know how bad I was. Sometimes, I did, but I thought I was supposed to be that way.

I had to grow up and see my place in this family and world.

I'm too abnormal to get a job.

I do 1099 data annotation. Because there are no interviews.
And I don't even work enough to pay my bills because I spend all day wake-sleeping.
(I just came up with that because I had an epiphany that I do nothing but play Swagbucks, etc. games to make money, and watch YouTube, and plan and research for everything that I could ever do but not do any of them because it's just another type of daydreaming for me. But I'm just waiting for the day to be over and entertaining myself until it does. Then tomorrow comes and I have no money.)

I got curious about the wake-sleeping term I made up:

What you're describing sounds like a combination of a few related psychological concepts, though "wake-sleeping" is actually a pretty intuitive way to frame it.


Avoidance coping is probably the closest match—it's when you engage in distracting activities to avoid dealing with something that's causing anxiety or discomfort. The distraction (scrolling, gaming, busywork) temporarily reduces the emotional discomfort, which reinforces the behavior.


Procrastination with emotional regulation is another angle. Research suggests procrastination isn't really about laziness—it's often about managing difficult emotions (anxiety, overwhelm, self-doubt). You distract yourself to escape those feelings rather than tackle what needs doing.


Dissociation or depersonalization can also involve feeling disconnected from time and actions, though that's usually more involuntary and distressing.


Some people also use the term "functional freeze" or "freeze response" from trauma psychology—it's when you're not fully immobilized but you're stuck in a kind of low-activation state where you go through motions without real engagement.


Your term "wake-sleeping" captures something specific though—you're awake and conscious but in a kind of autopilot state where time just passes. It suggests a dissociative quality combined with avoidance.


If this is a persistent pattern affecting your wellbeing, it might be worth exploring with a therapist what specifically triggers it (overwhelm, anxiety, depression, burnout?) since the underlying cause shapes the best approach to working through it.

WELL I WISH BEHAVIORAL HEALTH EXPERTS THOUGHT THE UNDERLYING CAUSE WAS IMPORTANT.
Tired of being told to drink water, exercise, and have good sleep hygiene.

I don't know anybody.

I only see nurses and doctors for my bad health.

And everyone in behavioral health tells me the same shit.
"You have to do the work." "You need a support system. You can't do this alone." "You need to get out of the house and get some sun and meet people."

I got a crush on a Psy.D. student in partial hospitalization because he was exactly my type. (That was so unfortunate for me.) And I felt like all the employees were my friends. I was sad and happy the whole time. Surface happy, Deep inside sad.

I'm just that fucking lonely.

I can't really talk to people. My life has been sooooo different. You have dinner with your family all together? You get punished by having to stay in your room? You get paid to do chores? What's a club like? What does it mean when you kiss someone and it feels like kissing your sibling? What do you mean when an older person feels like a parent to you? How do you accidently call your teacher mom? Family vacation? Family?

I don't understand people when they are miserable without their family.

When I went away to PHP, I cried over being away from my dogs for the first time.
Fuck my mom.

I can't commiserate with any adult over typical adult things. I can't make small talk. People think I'm stupid when I seem bubbly and normal, but I don't know anything. People think I'm bitchy when I don't act bubbly and just stay polite. I could never find the balance between "personable" and "personal."

I'm even demi. Sexual and romantic. So dating is something I don't understand. Why do you want to go talk to a stranger because they look good? I had a friend in college who was fucking a guy who was apparently amazing in bed. But she didn't want to be with him because he was short, tubby, and didn't have a nice face to her. He wasn't attractive to her. But they were friends. Who slept together. I get just not having romantic feelings but a relationship is out because of looks?

I don't want friends anymore. I only want a partner because a partner can love you in every way and you, them. But without friends, you're not attractive. Not having a "life" is suspicious. "What's wrong with them?"

I just had a breakdown over this and was gonna make my own post but ended up just leaving the tab open.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

what i want to miss out in this hell is extreme torture.

i don't feel like i would miss out on anything they say we have to do or is so "enjoyable"

to me nothing even the pleasure addictions are worth even 1 second of the worst pain

but i wouldn't want or need any friend or anything even if i didn't have all these problems or if there were no suffering or pain. what for? why do i have to do that? nothing matters. i don't see a meaning to anything except avoiding unbearable pain and exiting this nightmare.

plus i see every pleasure addiction intertwined and leading to the worst torture , a hell a trillion times worse than the worst one can imagine. how can one thing not lead to another as they are both part of the same evil? i feel if i do any thing to "enjoy" myself i'm condoning this imposition done to me , all my suffering and all the evil of this world .

i don't want anything from this evil world or evil life .

 

[FoxSauce]

Kind off? I never had a sleepover with freinds or invited friends over till 7th grade and never did prom or anything like that.

I wish i had done more ik my lack of confidence pushed me back but despite that im trying to make somewhat of a difference.

A change I wanna have even tho it sounds weird is like having a good parent/ freind role model. Since im not close to my parents. Me and my mom dont click , plus she moslty cares about my older sister than anything (ik this is not her fault) mom just cuases so much pain, seems more like wishful thinking.

 

[BeyondSurvival]

I ruined romantic relationships that had the potential to become deep and genuine. Sometimes, when I go out, I see people who truly love each other, and it pains me. Well, at least I'm getting used to it.

 

[dying_kwik2000]

I feel like that often. I can't understand why I can't make friends. I don't speak to anyone I went to school or college with and I changed schools about three times. Yet none of them I have contact with. I don't know what's wrong with me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, to the extent that it can look so easy for some people to be in social situations. I wonder what life would be like with more confidence. With less social anxiety and self doubt. I suppose my reality is that if I think about people going to parties or big social events, I think how awful I'd feel doing that. I suppose I have the advantage that I don't even want all that.

Where it's been more extreme is work situations- meetings, training courses, even just working in front of other people. There have been so many excruciating moments. I can't help but think- do other people go through this shit too? And, how much easier it would be without it.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

I empathize with your post. However, I've come to realize that I haven't missed out on a thing. I learned that those groups of friends are (oftentimes) a front. Out of that group, maybe two of them are actually friends with each other. I know it can feel like you're excluded from what we've come to believe is life. However, from my own experience, I didn't miss out on anything. The things I thought I wanted were conditioned into me. I've come to realize that the best thing for me would've been simplicity. Maybe one or two true friends. A woman who truly, deeply loved me. A simple house on a plot of land. A fulfilling job that paid me well enough to live my life. Those things. Social media? Most of those people are capping about their lifestyles. A lot of them are miserable as hell, because they live their lives on TikTok and Instagram.

I mean, if that's what you call 'missing out', then whatever. If you see social media posts and fake friendships as something to miss out on in the first place, well then, I don't know. To each their own. But from what I've learned, there's not much to miss out on. I'll never lament not being accepted by this world. It means that I'm no different from the NPC masses that are stumbling blindly around hell, and don't even realize that they're there. I'll never understand yearning for connections that don't even exist. Most socializing out there is ultra manufactured and transactional. So, No...

I know I didn't miss out on a god damned thing. Just blissful ignorance. And I don't want that.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

the most ive felt this is when i went to my sister's wedding. 2 of my sisters are married, one of them already has 3 babies. all of them have huge friend groups and tell tons of amazing stories of their college years, my sister even has her own business.

Meanwhile i cant even find a job after wasting a year of my life going to trade school and learning how to weld. I'll never be able to find a job that will pay me a living wage, ill never own a home, ill never find a girlfriend/wife, ill never be able to start a family and play with my children. It feels like the entire world is rigged against me, thats why i decided to just give up and go out on my own terms. id love to just become a shut in neet the rest of ky life but i dont have the savings to be able to do that, or anyone i could live off of, so ill just ctb instead. although tbf even if a did have someone i could live off of, i probably wouldnt cause it would just make me feel too guilty mooching off them

 

[Flubber]

If life was a game of poker, I was incredibly lucky with the hand dealt, and liken it to landing a straight flush: intelligence, looks, affluence - yet I feel to have missed out massively.

The thing is, my mother was the Queen of Spades: a cold, brutal, tyrannical despot that ruled the family with an iron fist (my dad included... what a pussy!). I was pushed away as a child, have never felt loved, nor have ever loved another person because it feels impossible to let my guard down.

Upon reflection, I mostly blame myself for not taking more action to deal with issues when it would've been wise to do so. AT the time, I didn't know any different though.

Ain't Hindsight is a wonderful thing!?

 

[kajal]

Missed out my precious moments!

 

[Katatonia]

Like do you ever go outside and see a group of friends laughing, or see a social media post of someone just having fun with their friends and think "why don't I have that?" I've had friends like that before but it was so long ago that I felt that love. Honestly it's been almost 10 years since I had that. And I've ruined each and every friendship like that. So maybe deep down I don't want to be loved. Maybe there's something deeply wrong with me that I just can't be. Because surely if I really wanted those things I would have them by now. I'm not sure I'm making any sense I just wanted to express how I feel and this is the only place I can do that.

Same thing happened to me. I used to have a lot of friends and i would do stuff with them. Eventually they started treating me terribly or flat out ignoring me. I ended up losing all my friends. I tried making more friends later on but l ended up getting blocked with no reason or explanation. Since then ive found it impossible to make friends, both irl and online. Its such an isolating experience.

I dont think its your fault, nowadays people seem so shallow or hard to connect with. Real interactions are seen as cringe. You could be self sabotaging out of fear. I wish you the best.