Venting Does anyone else feel like they can't do anything in (literal) darkness?

[Manaaja]

I have asperger so my mood is really sensitive to light and darkness. I'm an adult and I literally still get anxious in darkness. It's an animalistic anxiousness towards darkness. I'm the kind of person who can sleep with all the lights on and not mind. Some nights I can't sleep until I turn all the lights on. I feel much more energetic, happier, and relaxed in light. I can't help it. When it's dark I get tired and anxiousness and I can't do anything.

This old goddamn house is so dark I can barely see anything. And of course this was built under a giant too many kilometres long hillside so the hill blocks all the light. And all the trees are those goddamn oldass giant spruces (I have hated spruces ever since I saw the first spruce), which are creepy, invasive (fucking ass long branches), drop a million needles, and are so goddamn tall that you can't even cut them off because they'd smash several houses with their size.

And there's only one tiny ass light source which barely does anything in every room. And the windows are tiny and few. And the roof goes over the windows blocking even more. And there's a leaf tree or a giant bush in front of the living room and it literally covers 80% of the field of view. And the goddamn kitchen. Even during the day it's really dark and shitty because it only has one tiny window, there's a million spruces in front of it, there's the fucking giant hill in front of it and to top it all, there's the area's main road and two of my neighbors's yards so that while I can't see light everyone else can see inside the kitchen and see what I'm doing. "You want to be in the pajama shirt and (underwear)pants the whole day? Well fuck you, every person in the area is gonna walk past the window and see you half naked and see that your hair is messy and unkempt and see that your kitchen table is full of trash and see when you have meltdowns or masturbate or anything so fuck you!"

Meanwhile in my dear old apartment it was so light even when it was pitch-black outside so I was able to do dishes and wash my clothes even in the winter. And yet there was privacy too.

 

[aviation]

I feel much more energetic, happier, and relaxed in light.

It's interesting that I feel the same to what you describe, but in reverse. My apartment has older-style solid roller shutters in front of the windows on the outside, meaning that when I pull them down, no light can get through. A while ago, I once had them pulled down for half a year, without ever opening them, with the only light being a small orange light on my nightstand, and I felt so much stronger, calmer, more comfortable, happier, and more energetic, then, during the entire time. It made me almost completely lose balance, though, as it made me 'forget' my ability to handle the influences of this world, when they inevitably came crashing back in, though, hence me not considering this anymore, now - but while this time was going on, I felt much happier and better in every way. I'm very affected by things like times of the year, times of the day, and such, so I end up feeling very turbulent and 'in overdrive', in bright light and the former half of the year.

 

[Makko]

I'm basically a vampire