Does anyone else feel like their suicide is inevitable?

[Clodius]

I've been feeling like this for a while now but more so lately. I can have small periods of feeling okay but even within them I know that my mood will fall back down and most likely lower than before. This has crushed any hope I had previously

I feel like my fate has been sealed and it is not a matter of if I CTB but when. Due to this I have zero motivation to do anything which just makes the feeling stronger.

Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, no matter what my suicide is inevitable. I cannot put up with this pointless existence for decades. I have known I will ctb for a long time. Upon every waking moment there is feelings of dread and hopelessness. Things can only get worse and I do not want to be there to see it. In a way it is like I have already died. The thing I want is non existence, freedom from this life.

 

[Jumping_realms]

Absolutely, I already gave serious attempts, the research is now complete and I can complete my exit and finally CTB properly.

 

[destiny]

Absolutely. My first attempt was when I was 9 years old. Sadly, it didn't work. Ever since I'm in and out of depressive episodes. Each one is heavier than the last. When I was younger there was some hope that the depression would fade away. By now it's clear that it's an integral part of me. I'm getting more and more tired each round. I should have died that day, when I was 9. It is my destiny to fix that mistake.

 

[NasiGoreng]

I've been feeling like this for a while now but more so lately. I can have small periods of feeling okay but even within them I know that my mood will fall back down and most likely lower than before. This has crushed any hope I had previously

I feel like my fate has been sealed and it is not a matter of if I CTB but when. Due to this I have zero motivation to do anything which just makes the feeling stronger.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Yes, I feel exactly the same way and there is very few moments where I feel okay.

 

[Tomoko]

Most definitely, especially with the horrible depressive thoughts I have each and every day. I know how I will die... just not when. (Though knowing myself it will probably be a spiritic decision over a minimal incident.)

 

[seb9]

i have been thinking about it on and off the last 6 years, but the last couple of months i think about it every day, i guess its just meant to happen, i'm trying to see if i can get some N and maybe find a partner and hopefully soon i will ctb.

 

[RainAndSadness]

Me. I can't influence if it will happen, I can only influence when it will happen.

 

[CatLove56]

I've been delaying it for years. Waiting for the parents to go of course my sister will be around. Don't like to think about it. Despite being a failure they still like me being alive

 

[phoenixx]

I also feel like this. I feel like that someday, I will die by my own hands. It's not a matter of if, but when. It could happen in a couple of months, years or even 10 years from now. But I just have a feeling that I will end up ending my own life some day, no matter what happens.

 

[anothernameless]

Yup, that's why I'm here.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Yes, but it doesn't worry me. It's the perfect climax to a disappointing experience.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

It's bound to happen, though how soon depends on variables. Will I get lucky and find the happiness I search for, perhaps leading me to hold off until a certain age?
Will things come out of nowhere and sabotage my happiness, leading to homelessness, disease, or some shit?
Or will the intrusive thoughts be too much to handle and push me to committing the deed to save everyone from myself?

 

[ClownMe]

Definitely. The only way im not dying by suicide is if i get really sick and die, get murdered or get killed in an accident of some kind, all very unlikely.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

For sure! I really hope meds are the miracle cure for me. Otherwise I'm 99% sure I will not live to be 30. Mental illness is a hell of a beast.

The part that sucks is that I enjoy living, I have a lot of things I want to do. Most of my opportunities escaped me when I was younger due to the anxiety and depression. I feel lile once you hit college graduation age, if your life is still in the shitter even with a ton of changes in environment, then you are screwed.

 

[W’ren]

Yes. Ctb is the only ending for me and i've known it on an instinctual level for many years.

What surprises me is that i've survived as long as i have- i guess my energy has never been ready to move on- despite what attempts i have made to ctb in the past.

I am wiser now- i have one debt to fulfill and then i'm out of here, and my energy can disappear into nothingness for all i care. This world has destroyed me on many levels; i'm done.

 

[Sslsh]

I've been lurking around here for far too long. I'm not sure when I'll be able to do it, but the one thing I'm certain of is that it's not a question of if but a question of when.

 

[Death is beautiful]

точно, если не через год так через 2

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Oh, undoubtedly!!!
I was never meant to be here.
There's no other option and it's okay.

 

[L0serinTown]

Indeed. It's also ironic that this inevitability is the only thing that's keeping me going.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes. My suicide is my goal and my dream. My suicide will save me from 1000 hells like cancer, old age, dementia , etc . And it will save me from problems , diseases, stress ,injustice, work, grief, depression, humans, and an extremely painful natural death as from a blocked colon from colon cancer, kidney stones, alsheimers and so on. My SN or My co is my precious that will save me from excruciating , unbearable pain

 

[narval]

Yes. if it isn't in the near future it will be before age & diseases make the work.

 

[WaaaghEnjoyer]

I had previously decided that life isn't worth living past 40, then 30, and recently I concluded that it isn't worth living at all. So yes, even if it wouldn't happen now it'll happen later regardless. There is no difference in the end, I'll either forget everything that ever happened or I'll spend an eternity in an afterlife, which is way more time than even the longest human life (and thus is the same as forgetting)

 

[TriggerHappy]

Definitely, have felt this way all my life :: knew I would die by my own hand :: have survived o.ds (ambulance had naltrexone) :: motorbike accidents :: beatings :: halothane allergy on operating table (fkg resuscitated, can u handle) :: Russian roulette with myself when skyhigh crying into the sunset = while my method may change my will is iron-strong :: whats scaring me is my impatience to do it already...

 

[Kattt]

Having witnessed it up close and personal,age is not going to ever be my cause of death

 

[blue_muse]

Pretty much inevitable; it borders on stupidity for those around me to seriously think I can continue living the way I am.

 

[Clodius]

For sure! I really hope meds are the miracle cure for me. Otherwise I'm 99% sure I will not live to be 30. Mental illness is a hell of a beast.

The part that sucks is that I enjoy living, I have a lot of things I want to do. Most of my opportunities escaped me when I was younger due to the anxiety and depression. I feel lile once you hit college graduation age, if your life is still in the shitter even with a ton of changes in environment, then you are screwed.

Yes I feel this way as well. I know so many things I want to do and I know the exact cause of my depression and its unfixable. My health condition causes so much pain in cycles.
I feel like I got lucky in so many ways with life but mental and physical health makes all that void.

 

[Sra_TZ]

Inevitable? Yes!
I have always been suicidal from a young age. Found some hope in my teen years, but suicide was always at the back of my mind. Only a question of how long I have to wait.
My life will end by my own hands-
That's a fact.

 

[Maravillosa]

Do I feel like my suicide is inevitable? I would say I am 98% sure I will ctb — someday, but just not soon. (I want to outlive my mother and complete and successfully publish my novel.) It would be quite surprising if I do not ctb.

 

[Dear Agony]

It's funny how I know exactly what you're talking about. I just know it, and have known for years suicide would be my cause of death. I can even pinpoint the exact moment I was sure of this fact.
Even if my life gets better and I'm recovered from my mental illnesses, I am pretty sure I am autistic (not getting diagnosed at an earlier age pretty much ruined my life and is the reason for a lot of my trauma) and I can't just change that. I don't understand the world and people and never will. I have a vision that getting old is bad and I never ever want to get old.
Plus, the only fear I have around death is my mom. I would ruin her. But one day she won't be here to stop me, and that is inevitable. I just know I'll die by my own hands, and I've grown accustomed to that fact. I've grown to be in love with that fact.