Discussion Does anyone else feel like their SO used to be a reason/help to keep going, but now they've just become one more thing to get away from?

[Zjrkwneh149]

I feel like my SO used to be one of the things that kept me going, reminded me about some of the sunny sides to life. Now I feel like being around them just makes me more depressed. I don't relate to them anymore, now it's just another relationship to fake my way through. So it goes...

For context we've been together for 6 years married for 1. Over time I realize more and more he makes life more comfortable but not enough to make it bearable. I can't help him with his issues, I've tried and now I can't anymore. This realization has caused me tremendous sadness in a variety of ways and I wanted to share it somewhere.

 

[Tempest]

I can relate to this somewhat. My SO moved out a few weeks ago and I don't want to live alone so I am CTB'ing soon. I barely wanted to live, period, but having him by my side made things more bearable and I was able to find joy in the in-between moments. But then again, our relationship was stressful for both of us, and in my case caused some serious flare ups of my anxiety, and I had fantasies of suicide even when we were living together. It really was a double edged sword.

A while ago I had a revelation. Relationships can bring both great joy and great suffering. Sometimes people even welcome the pain because it's borne out of love. The thought of letting go of a relationship can be unthinkable even when it's causing a lot of pain, and people will argue that it's worth it despite logically knowing that they would be saving themselves a lot of suffering if they could muster the will to let go. That's how most people feel about life. They feel attached to the state of living the way they might to a relationship. Well, I am not in love with life the way most people are. The honeymoon period is over and I just want to leave.

 

[SunnyPotato]

I relate. I see my SO as a reason to not CTB, but solely to not ruin his life. Same with family, friends. So now I just resent anyone who cares about me in the slightest for shackling me here for their comfort, even if it's not really something I can logically blame them for.

 

[Pure]

Y'all got people who actually like you???

 

[Seiba]

Never had anyone other than myself.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

My SO was my muse and the light of my life. Without her all the colors are drained. Nothing to live for.

 

[waitingforthehappy]

I relate. I see my SO as a reason to not CTB, but solely to not ruin his life. Same with family, friends. So now I just resent anyone who cares about me in the slightest for shackling me here for their comfort, even if it's not really something I can logically blame them for.

@SunnyPotato total resignation with your words.