Does anyone else feel immortal?

[ExitiumVitae]

Hello everyone!
I hope you're all having a great day, but considering you're on this forum in the first place that's probably not the case.

Does anyone else feel like they are immortal or some entity is trying to stop you from dying? I have certainly felt this way out of frustration. I am supposed to leave this earth a month ago through suicide by hanging. I have tried every single day since then because I am determined to go. But I just end up dangling from the rope, kind of like my profile picture and torturing my neck for hours which is the only reason I am still here. I have definitely lost my mind a few times thinking I am cursed with being immortal or that some entity is stopping me from dying and whoever that is, fuck him.

Sadly method talk is not allowed in this forum at the moment, so I would like to hear about your experiences. Can anyone else relate?

 

[Snake of Eden]

to me consciousness has always existed and will always exist even if it is not the case but it has some timeless quality to it

 

[TheHatedOne]

yeah, I often wonder to myself if I'm immortal. I had failed hanging attempts too and was about to get hit by car a couple of times. But most of all, I feel so unlucky and like those kind of people who will probably live 100 years plus if they don't succeed CTB simply because I despise life so much.

 

[Versailles]

Does anyone else feel like they are immortal

This happens often and above all it is combined with a feeling of euphoria, ironically, in those moments it makes me want more of CTB

 

[xyzblahh]

Unfortunately the body's ability to survive has been honed by millenia of evolution. CTB is not easy, SI aside, it generally takes real effort to force your physical body to cease functioning.

This can feel like immortality, especially when you hear about people who die suddenly from things like unexpected heart attacks. Don't know about you, but I'm insanely jealous of them.

 

[Wrennie]

Disabled and immortal, what a curse. I feel like Cartaphilus/Joseph from Ancient Magus Bride.

 

[StevieNixs]

Hello everyone!
I hope you're all having a great day, but considering you're on this forum in the first place that's probably not the case.

Does anyone else feel like they are immortal or some entity is trying to stop you from dying? I have certainly felt this way out of frustration. I am supposed to leave this earth a month ago through suicide by hanging. I have tried every single day since then because I am determined to go. But I just end up dangling from the rope, kind of like my profile picture and torturing my neck for hours which is the only reason I am still here. I have definitely lost my mind a few times thinking I am cursed with being immortal or that some entity is stopping me from dying and whoever that is, fuck him.

Sadly method talk is not allowed in this forum at the moment, so I would like to hear about your experiences. Can anyone else relate?

I used to feel like this. I took up high altitude mountaineering years ago. Was always surprised I never died. I engaged in other high risk activities and wondered why I was still here. Then Covid struck and immediately when we were locked down, I decided to volunteer, hoping I'd catch it. The streets were silent here, and I was out and about delivering food and medication to vulnerable people - having to go to supermarkets and the like - didn't get the virus. At the height of the pandemic, I really thought yep, gonna catch it. Never did.

I have also travelled to highly dangerous countries. I used to visit this website called Come Back Alive and look through the most dangerous countries to travel to - I've been to eight countries on the list as a solo, female traveller. Still here - unfortunately.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is very difficult to ctb, if it was easier I would already be gone. Even know we want to die, we are programmed to survive. In my case, there is a lack of a peaceful way to exit, if I had that suicide would be a lot easier for me. Methods can fail as well. Nobody is immortal, we will all die eventually, but however I would like to prevent decades of pointless suffering. I deserve the option of a peaceful exit at a time of my own choosing.

 

[motel rooms]

Wut?
I seem to think in lyrics these days:

Baby, baby, ain't it true
I'm immortal when I'm with you
But I want a pistol in my hand
I wanna go to a different land

( from "Big Exit" by PJ Harvey)

 

[AllMyDreams]

It's ironic because I both feel immortal and terminally ill. I'm not *technically* terminally ill but my mental illness has made me less and less compatible with life as I get older. If I keep on living, I'll just become a shell, having lost all connections, hobbies, interests and goals along the way.

 

[Silenos]

I'll just become a shell, having lost all connections, hobbies, interests and goals along the way.

This is exactly why I aim to ctb this year, while I'm still able to enjoy some things before I go. I already feel like I'm slowly starting to break down.

 

[GentleJerk]

If you can dangle from a noose for hours everyday and still survive there might be some money in it.... I'd pay to see that straight up! The amazing un-hang-able Moe... Maybe you are immortal?

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

I hit a wild boar with 140 km/h. The boar was dead, my car was dead and I was not injured at all. When my friends saw my car they told me I should light a candle in the church. At that moment I felt euphoric and immortal.

 

[xyzblahh]

I used to feel like this. I took up high altitude mountaineering years ago. Was always surprised I never died. I engaged in other high risk activities and wondered why I was still here. Then Covid struck and immediately when we were locked down, I decided to volunteer, hoping I'd catch it. The streets were silent here, and I was out and about delivering food and medication to vulnerable people - having to go to supermarkets and the like - didn't get the virus. At the height of the pandemic, I really thought yep, gonna catch it. Never did.

I have also travelled to highly dangerous countries. I used to visit this website called Come Back Alive and look through the most dangerous countries to travel to - I've been to eight countries on the list as a solo, female traveller. Still here - unfortunately.

If it helps, I've had it twice with barely any symptoms. Seems to be a complete role of the genetic lottery whether it affects you or not and in terms of methods, it's probably the most unsure/uncertain.

 

[FogFilledLife]

Somedays. Other days I feel like an ant.

 

[summers]

Definitely don't feel immortal, because if I was going to look like this forever, killing myself would be the last thing I would want to do (Stefan from Vampire Diaries).

 

[8AEM]

So much so that I'm starting to believe I have psychotic depression.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

Hello everyone!
I hope you're all having a great day, but considering you're on this forum in the first place that's probably not the case.

Does anyone else feel like they are immortal or some entity is trying to stop you from dying? I have certainly felt this way out of frustration. I am supposed to leave this earth a month ago through suicide by hanging. I have tried every single day since then because I am determined to go. But I just end up dangling from the rope, kind of like my profile picture and torturing my neck for hours which is the only reason I am still here. I have definitely lost my mind a few times thinking I am cursed with being immortal or that some entity is stopping me from dying and whoever that is, fuck him.

Sadly method talk is not allowed in this forum at the moment, so I would like to hear about your experiences. Can anyone else relate?

I have been "saved" from death a few times but now it feels like God wants me to do ctb.

 

[ddd1234]

I have tried every single day since then because I am determined to go. But I just end up dangling from the rope, kind of like my profile picture and torturing my neck for hours which is the only reason I am still here.

How is it possible? I thought that hanging is a reliable method.

 

[ExitiumVitae]

How is it possible? I thought that hanging is a reliable method.

I thought so too. The reason you die by hanging is because the rope puts pressure on the airway and blood vessels in your neck, and obviously you need oxygen and blood to live. I guess in my case, there just wasn't enough pressure put on my neck to die. The fact that I am as light as an 11-year old does not help.

 

[ddd1234]

Do you have any brain damage from what happened?

 

[ExitiumVitae]

Do you have any brain damage from what happened?

No my brain works just fine, the blood vessels and airway were always just a little blocked, so oxygen and blood could still travel to my brain (sadly). But trying to block them everyday cannot be good for you, so it has done some weird things to my body. My heart often hurts (or atleast the muscles around my heart), there was one time where it hurt so badly that I couldn't move my left arm, because it would sting a lot worse. But that was gone after a few days to a week. I hear and feel the veins in my neck thumping aggressively and that area is swollen. I have sore throat, like you would have with a cold, and I cough a lot. And of course you have the often expected tearing of the skin and redness on the ligature mark, in my experience rope is often ruthless to the skin (but I use a nylon rope so maybe other types of ropes are softer).

 

[Shu]

 

[albino_elk]

@Hereforeternity dont start to be religious all of the sudden
. maybe we should involve politic at this topic as well. maybe some cooking show recipes etc

 

[Shu]

What? That has nothing to do with the topic. The topic is about the afterlife and being immortal. When was I religious? @albino_elk

 

[Rabhen]

Hello everyone!
I hope you're all having a great day, but considering you're on this forum in the first place that's probably not the case.

Does anyone else feel like they are immortal or some entity is trying to stop you from dying? I have certainly felt this way out of frustration. I am supposed to leave this earth a month ago through suicide by hanging. I have tried every single day since then because I am determined to go. But I just end up dangling from the rope, kind of like my profile picture and torturing my neck for hours which is the only reason I am still here. I have definitely lost my mind a few times thinking I am cursed with being immortal or that some entity is stopping me from dying and whoever that is, fuck him.

Sadly method talk is not allowed in this forum at the moment, so I would like to hear about your experiences. Can anyone else relate?

240 benadryl, crushed, mixed with rootbeer, locked into my home with no phone. woke the next day in the icu. There is no way I should have survived, told no one, not a soul knew what I was doing, but people had a feeling and broke down my door. How did they get this feeling? Some entity that refuses to let me die and takes pleasure in my being tortured during this life.
Hanging? Dude, seriously, I am such a fucking wimp, could not do that and especially not after hearing the trouble you are having.
So the 240 benadryl was my last attempt, it was 17 years ago. The thoughts do not ever leave me, they are always there, but I refuse to ever be put into a mental institution again, the awful way they treat suicidal people is criminal and only fosters further suicidal thinking so I put it on the back burner until I could find a better, more reliable way. Then I met the only person in the world to allow me to feel what I feel and be who I am with total and unconditional acceptance 15 years ago. Life has not been any easier, his mother tried to kill and sent me into traumatic PTSD from recovered memories of my abduction by a pedophile ring when I was 4 1/2 less than a year after we met, within five years she saw to it that both her son and I became homeless, of course he could have stayed had he threw me out and had nothing more to do with me and we have been homeless ever since, ten years now. My second husband tried to kill me 18 years ago, my father tried to kill me when I was 14, my maternal grandmother tried to kill me on the day I was born then had my one dropped ball castrated making me grow up as a girl instead of a hermaphrodite, hid me from the doctors since I was born on her birthday until after midnight so that my birth certificate does not have my true birthdate on it, yeah it feels like I just cannot die.

 

[TooConscious]

Unfortunately it has always bugged me as a kid you are brought up to fear death, and then something tells you that you don't need to worry about it and the feeling from that for me got to be much, much worse.

It seems life is too cruel to happen by chance and unfortunately all I can now do is hope there's an end, and try to develop the best coping outlook with the tools I've got.

240 benadryl, crushed, mixed with rootbeer, locked into my home with no phone. woke the next day in the icu. There is no way I should have survived, told no one, not a soul knew what I was doing, but people had a feeling and broke down my door. How did they get this feeling? Some entity that refuses to let me die and takes pleasure in my being tortured during this life.
Hanging? Dude, seriously, I am such a fucking wimp, could not do that and especially not after hearing the trouble you are having.
So the 240 benadryl was my last attempt, it was 17 years ago. The thoughts do not ever leave me, they are always there, but I refuse to ever be put into a mental institution again, the awful way they treat suicidal people is criminal and only fosters further suicidal thinking so I put it on the back burner until I could find a better, more reliable way. Then I met the only person in the world to allow me to feel what I feel and be who I am with total and unconditional acceptance 15 years ago. Life has not been any easier, his mother tried to kill and sent me into traumatic PTSD from recovered memories of my abduction by a pedophile ring when I was 4 1/2 less than a year after we met, within five years she saw to it that both her son and I became homeless, of course he could have stayed had he threw me out and had nothing more to do with me and we have been homeless ever since, ten years now. My second husband tried to kill me 18 years ago, my father tried to kill me when I was 14, my maternal grandmother tried to kill me on the day I was born then had my one dropped ball castrated making me grow up as a girl instead of a hermaphrodite, hid me from the doctors since I was born on her birthday until after midnight so that my birth certificate does not have my true birthdate on it, yeah it feels like I just cannot die.

That's awful, I hope you get substantial hormone therapy at least.
Being someone born with illness leading to chromosone hormone issue I know how bad it is to have your hormones out of whack let alone all that on top of. It says something about your character to have come this fsr

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

240 benadryl, crushed, mixed with rootbeer, locked into my home with no phone. woke the next day in the icu. There is no way I should have survived, told no one, not a soul knew what I was doing, but people had a feeling and broke down my door. How did they get this feeling? Some entity that refuses to let me die and takes pleasure in my being tortured during this life.
Hanging? Dude, seriously, I am such a fucking wimp, could not do that and especially not after hearing the trouble you are having.
So the 240 benadryl was my last attempt, it was 17 years ago. The thoughts do not ever leave me, they are always there, but I refuse to ever be put into a mental institution again, the awful way they treat suicidal people is criminal and only fosters further suicidal thinking so I put it on the back burner until I could find a better, more reliable way. Then I met the only person in the world to allow me to feel what I feel and be who I am with total and unconditional acceptance 15 years ago. Life has not been any easier, his mother tried to kill and sent me into traumatic PTSD from recovered memories of my abduction by a pedophile ring when I was 4 1/2 less than a year after we met, within five years she saw to it that both her son and I became homeless, of course he could have stayed had he threw me out and had nothing more to do with me and we have been homeless ever since, ten years now. My second husband tried to kill me 18 years ago, my father tried to kill me when I was 14, my maternal grandmother tried to kill me on the day I was born then had my one dropped ball castrated making me grow up as a girl instead of a hermaphrodite, hid me from the doctors since I was born on her birthday until after midnight so that my birth certificate does not have my true birthdate on it, yeah it feels like I just cannot die.

Bloody hell.
I had someone try to kill me a few years ago by running the car off the road. Shocked me how little warning I got before it happened.
Suffice to say it's not something I'll easily forget.

I can't imagine what it'd be like to have it happen multiple times from a young age, wow.

I hope you're both managing homelessness adequately (whatever that means)... it shocks me (but unfortunately doesn't surprise me) that after all you've been through you're now on the streets. At least you're not doing it alone...

 

[Shu]

Not immortal to this body alone but immortal in another sense somehow.

 

[noname223]

I think if someone believes in materialsm in a philosophical sense they believe that something which is conscious cannot stop being conscious. This is a very scary thought. Though I don't really believe in it.
But sometimes I can relate to this feeling a little bit. I wish something would kill me. Many people die suddenly without wanting it. However I am convinced if I want it I have to do it myself.
It is hard to grasp how it feels to be dead. Maybe like a long never ending sleep. I just hope I won't have any nightmares. This life was already one.