Discussion Does anyone else feel good when they accept they'll CBT soon?

[Bunabelldearest]

Recently I've accepted I'll CTB near the end of this year / start of next year and it was like a burden lifted off my shoulders. I've found I can actually do more than I used to, like I can actually draw / play games without a lot of guilt. I don't know if I'm just weird but I wanted to know if anyone else can relate. I find the more I speak about doing it the better I feel. Its like cathartic.

 

[StupiderJuniper]

i can kinda relate ig? when i first planned to ctb, the last day felt really weird in a good way. there was a weight lifted off my shoulders, and i was sobbing but felt liberated. the few days after that i was pretty motivated to just "live life". nowadays i don't really have those same feelings, but i'm guessing it will come back when the time is closer. i kinda just feel indifferent now, but its easier to not feel bad about things happening because of that indifference lmao. its weird.

 

[Bunabelldearest]

i can kinda relate ig? when i first planned to ctb, the last day felt really weird in a good way. there was a weight lifted off my shoulders, and i was sobbing but felt liberated. the few days after that i was pretty motivated to just "live life". nowadays i don't really have those same feelings, but i'm guessing it will come back when the time is closer. i kinda just feel indifferent now, but its easier to not feel bad about things happening because of that indifference lmao. its weird.

Yeah I fully expect the feeling to fade at some point but as of now I may as well bask in the temporary happiness its giving me. But hey feeling indifferent is better than feeling crippling sadness so yay for emotional numbness!

 

[StupiderJuniper]

yipee for numbness!!! but i hope you get to use that feeling to the fullest and do some nice things, no matter what happens.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

Yes! Do you also get the giggly manic feeling that comes with having a secret nobody knows about. Like when I'm at work I think about how I could just suddenly stop everything and leave with no explanation because I won't be coming back, and that none of the people there know that I'm going to be dead soon, and it makes me happy. It's a little perverted, like you're sharing intimacy with yourself and yourself alone.

 

[StupiderJuniper]

Yes! Do you also get the giggly manic feeling that comes with having a secret nobody knows about. Like when I'm at work I think about how I could just suddenly stop everything and leave with no explanation because I won't be coming back, and that none of the people there know that I'm going to be dead soon, and it makes me happy. It's a little perverted, like you're sharing intimacy with yourself and yourself alone.

i get that feeling sometimes too lol, that its just a card i can pull out and those who wronged me cant do and dont know anything about it. it makes me feel a bit cruel but whatever lmao

 

[Bunabelldearest]

Yes! Do you also get the giggly manic feeling that comes with having a secret nobody knows about. Like when I'm at work I think about how I could just suddenly stop everything and leave with no explanation because I won't be coming back, and that none of the people there know that I'm going to be dead soon, and it makes me happy. It's a little perverted, like you're sharing intimacy with yourself and yourself alone.

YES!! Giggly and manic is exactly how I'd describe it. Like I'm freed of the weight of giving people explanations or getting so hung up on arguments because I'll be gone! Its a sick secret and it's almost a childish sense of excitement that comes with it. Enjoying the idea of self death feels somewhat perverted but I'm too far gone to feel guilty for it.