Discussion Does anybody here wish someone would stop them?

[odette]

I see a lot of you folks really really want to die. I'm the other way around. I don't want to die, but it's selfish to live and I wish I had an excuse to keep living. If I was of value in any way to anyone, then I wouldn't do it. Unfortunately for me, I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to hear I'm dead, so I have to do the right thing.

Is there anyone else here who doesn't really want to die but sees no other way?

 

[15dec]

That's more or less how it is for me, too. I don't want to die per se, it's just the only option that means I'll stop hurting others and get rid of all the depression/paranoia. There are some people who'd be sad for me to go but the burden I impose on them will only get worse with time until I break them so it's better to go now before that happens.

 

[odette]

Oh you sound so sad. I would love to hear more about why you feel you're hurting others, if you would like to share?

 

[Redt2go]

I see a lot of you folks really really want to die. I'm the other way around. I don't want to die, but it's selfish to live and I wish I had an excuse to keep living. If I was of value in any way to anyone, then I wouldn't do it. Unfortunately for me, I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to hear I'm dead, so I have to do the right thing.

Is there anyone else here who doesn't really want to die but sees no other way?

Why is it selfish to live?

 

[odette]

Why is it selfish to live?

Because I drain resources. It costs money, food, space for me to exist. I produce waste. And I contribute nothing to the world.

 

[Redt2go]

Because I drain resources. It costs money, food, space for me to exist. I produce waste. And I contribute nothing to the world.

In that case the entire human population and every animal on the planet should cease to exist. Therefore there would be nothing to enjoy earth. If you have a relationship with someone that's the reason you exist

 

[odette]

In that case the entire human population and every animal on the planet should cease to exist. Therefore there would be nothing to enjoy earth. If you have a relationship with someone that's the reason you exist

Other people have value to someone. I don't have any relationship with anyone. No one will notice when I die.

 

[Redt2go]

Other people have value to someone. I don't have any relationship with anyone. No one will notice when I die.

No friends or living parents or family?

 

[odette]

No friends or living parents or family?

Haven't spoken to family in 20 years. They think I'm going to burn in hell because I have a job despite being female and I dress immodestly and I've had sex out of wedlock. I've tried and tried to make friends for years, but everyone just thinks I'm a basketcase and don't want to be around me. I have PTSD and dissociative disorder, so weird things will trigger me and then I will just space out or talk to someone who isn't there. No one wants to be friends with crazy.

 

[odette]

Thank you so much for talking to me, Redt2go. Thank you for taking an interest. It's very kind of you.

 

[crova]

Because I drain resources. It costs money, food, space for me to exist. I produce waste. And I contribute nothing to the world.

I was curious what your answer would be.
I'd sign under what you just said. I would add from myself: deliberate Earth annihilation to your list.
We had a chance to build great civilization, we have this expanding Mordor instead.

 

[odette]

I was curious what your answer would be.
I'd sign under what you just said. I would add from myself: deliberate Earth annihilation to your list.
We had a chance to build great civilization, we have this expanding Mordor instead.

How would a great civilization look, do you think?

 

[Redt2go]

Haven't spoken to family in 20 years. They think I'm going to burn in hell because I have a job despite being female and I dress immodestly and I've had sex out of wedlock. I've tried and tried to make friends for years, but everyone just thinks I'm a basketcase and don't want to be around me. I have PTSD and dissociative disorder, so weird things will trigger me and then I will just space out or talk to someone who isn't there. No one wants to be friends with crazy.

They sound archaic. The way they feel about the way you live your life is just their opinion and nothing more. I understand what you're saying about creeping people out. I space out too. I just recently realized that things like that and some of the things i say are scary to people. I often feel like a freak or an alien because I am not NT :(. I now spend my time hiding in my room and avoiding my friends so that their last memories of me are when I was happy.

 

[odette]

They sound archaic. The way they feel about the way you live your life is just their opinion and nothing more. I understand what you're saying about creeping people out. I space out too. I just recently realized that things like that and some of the things i say are scary to people. I often feel like a freak or an alien because I am not NT :(. I now spend my time hiding in my room and avoiding my friends so that their last memories of me are when I was happy.

That sounds very lonely. Do your friends know you are depressed?

 

[Sadand39]

I see a lot of you folks really really want to die. I'm the other way around. I don't want to die, but it's selfish to live and I wish I had an excuse to keep living. If I was of value in any way to anyone, then I wouldn't do it. Unfortunately for me, I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to hear I'm dead, so I have to do the right thing.

Is there anyone else here who doesn't really want to die but sees no other way?

I don't "want" to die but I feel like no matter how much I want and try to live I'm just not very good at it. My depression feels like a contagious disease on this world. I feel like living infects everyone near me. Plus I'm very sensitive and the horror of this world effects me so much. The horrible things that humans do to this earth makes me ashamed to be human. I was once very beautiful but depression has caused weight gain and who wants to be around a depressed person. I have closed myself off from the world. I put a fake face on and just breath. Every single breath hurts and I can't help but feel that the only way to end the pain is death.

 

[Redt2go]

That sounds very lonely. Do your friends know you are depressed?

Yeah! And no I'm pretty okay with how I'm living tbqh. I have some people to drink with if I get too lonely. More so hiding to protect them

 

[odette]

I don't "want" to die but I feel like no matter how much I want and try to live I'm just not very good at it. My depression feels like a contagious disease on this world. I feel like living infects everyone near me. Plus I'm very sensitive and the horror of this world effects me so much. The horrible things that humans do to this earth makes me ashamed to be human. I was once very beautiful but depression has caused weight gain and who wants to be around a depressed person. I have closed myself off from the world. I put a fake face on and just breath. Every single breath hurts and I can't help but feel that the only way to end the pain is death.

Everything you said is exactly how I feel. You expressed that so beautifully!

Yeah! And no I'm pretty okay with how I'm living tbqh. I have some people to drink with if I get too lonely. More so hiding to protect them

But what if they wish you would reach out to them? Would you let them make that choice themselves?

 

[Sadand39]

Everything you said is exactly how I feel. You expressed that so beautifully!


But what if they wish you would reach out to them? Would you let them make that choice themselves?

I don't really think anything they could say could change my mind. No, I don't tell them because I think nothing can fix how I feel and talking to anyone just makes them feel obligated to try to "save" me. I am definitely ashamed of my mind set. I have so much guilt for not just making things better.

 

[odette]

I don't really think anything they could say could change my mind. No, I don't tell them because I think nothing can fix how I feel and talking to anyone just makes them feel obligated to try to "save" me. I am definitely ashamed of my mind set. I have so much guilt for not just making things better.

How long have you felt this way?

 

[Sadand39]

Little by little about a decade. I attempted and failed about 3 years ago and it has become worse and worse ever since. The strongest this past year. Now every day/night dreams and nightmares about it

 

[Redt2go]

Everything you said is exactly how I feel. You expressed that so beautifully!


But what if they wish you would reach out to them? Would you let them make that choice themselves?

I sort of addressed this in my note advice thread! Could you leave yyour thoughts there? I've thought about that too. It's also part of the reason I avoid them. When people are around me and they help me it reminds me how handicapped I am. Makes me feel like a child. Completely counter to how I used to feel about myself. Reminds me of my spiral downward and how I used to feel. So I guess I lied it's to protect them but also selfishly to protect how I feel about myself. Wow. As I stated before selfish narcissist motivated alot by shame.

 

[odette]

I sort of addressed this in my note advice thread! Could you leave yyour thoughts there? I've thought about that too. It's also part of the reason I avoid them. When people are around me and they help me it reminds me how handicapped I am. Makes me feel like a child. Completely counter to how I used to feel about myself. Reminds me of my spiral downward and how I used to feel. So I guess I lied it's to protect them but also selfishly to protect how I feel about myself. Wow. As I stated before selfish narcissist motivated alot by shame.

That's not narcissistic! That's completely understandable! You value your autonomy. You need to be independent. That's beautiful. I mean, I wish you would reach out for help and accept it, but your drive to be independent is beautiful nonetheless. I hope you can find a way to reach out for help without compromising your autonomy.

 

[21Neberg]

Unfortunately for me, I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to hear I'm dead, so I have to do the right thing.

I don't know anything about your personal life, but there's literally no-one on this planet who only knows people who would be thrilled to have him/her dead. Everyone, and literally everyone, has at least one person who likes seeing them alive, even if that's just a friend who you haven't talked to in a bit.

Please, don't kill yourself because you feel others want you to. Don't let others choose your life (or death) for you. You mention you're not suicidal, so live! I know that this is incredibly easy to say, but it's important to cut the negative people out of your life. Even I have managed to do that, for the most part.

 

[odette]

I don't know anything about your personal life, but there's literally no-one on this planet who only knows people who would be thrilled to have him/her dead. Everyone, and literally everyone, has at least one person who likes seeing them alive, even if that's just a friend who you haven't talked to in a bit.

Please, don't kill yourself because you feel others want you to. Don't let others choose your life (or death) for you. You mention you're not suicidal, so live! I know that this is incredibly easy to say, but it's important to cut the negative people out of your life. Even I have managed to do that, for the most part.

It's not exactly because others want me to. Being so lonely, having zero value to any other living creature, has put me into the depths of depression. I can't climb out of this alone. The only thing that will take me out is for someone to help me, but there is no way that anybody would waste their time on that. So I'm stuck. In the meantime, I'm about to be fired because I'm too depressed to get anything done at work. Every day I'm alive, I'm draining money that I should be leaving to someone else.

 

[Funkbunny]

Not in the slightest. If it wasn't for looking after my terminally I'll mum, I'd be gone already.

 

[Exile]

Not for me. I wish I could discuss my plans openly so that the transition would be smoother.

 

[color_me_gone]

Being so lonely, having zero value to any other living creature, has put me into the depths of depression. I can't climb out of this alone.

I sincerely hope you can find a nice person for a special friend!

If you can't, can we help pull you out?

 

[Made4TV]

Only if that person also has $100k to give me.

 

[Broken]

It's not exactly because others want me to. Being so lonely, having zero value to any other living creature, has put me into the depths of depression. I can't climb out of this alone. The only thing that will take me out is for someone to help me, but there is no way that anybody would waste their time on that. So I'm stuck. In the meantime, I'm about to be fired because I'm too depressed to get anything done at work. Every day I'm alive, I'm draining money that I should be leaving to someone else.

That's how I feel. Like I can't get through this by myself but know one wants to waste there time on me.

 

[odette]

That's how I feel. Like I can't get through this by myself but know one wants to waste there time on me.

What do you need?