Does anybody else keep delaying the date of suicide?

[Loneliest]

I don't know why I'm doing it. I'm sure that death is the only way because I have no way of changing my life into something better. I have got SN and everything else ready. Everyday I tell myself ok I'm doing it on this date. I would fast, then when the time comes, I'd be so hungry so I would eat then fast again then eat again. I think I'm just a bit scared of the process of dying, which is ironic because I'm in so much pain already and can I really not take some pain for a short while..

 

[logan]

I can well understand that ...
Then maybe it's just not that far yet.
If you're not quite sure, don't do it in any case.

 

[Loneliest]

I can well understand that ...
Then maybe it's just not that far yet.
If you're not quite sure, don't do it in any case.

Yeah but I don't think I can turn my life around by any means. It's shit. Living with depression for the rest of my life doesn't sound fun. So hopefully very soon

 

[logan]

If your main problem is "only" depression, I would definitely wait - it can get better again. Even if you can't imagine it now.

 

[Sslsh]

Well I am delaying because of covid. but have also delayed multiple times pre covid so idk anymore. maybe its just apathy. but i do have a plan on how i am going to go so its more about finding the will+the right set of circumstances

depression is curable for some though, so if thats the only thing, i would suggest trying out therapy. meds/cbt yada yada it could work out for you

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like the survival instinct, we may want to die, but our brains are programmed to survive which makes dying hard.
For me, I planned to ctb last year but I didn't manage to go through with it for various reasons. I know I will certainly do it sometime in the future, once I get absolutely desperate as taking our own lives is hard.

 

[Curiousoutlook]

I'm on the same boat. Have all the stuff I need to ctb. Although I didn't have a date, I told myself I'm going to ctb when I have everything and here I am. Although I still don't have a date, I think I will going to ctb soon because of my situation and reasons why. I guess I'm giving myself some time to absorb everything and what's going on.

 

[ReadyForIt]

I do the same thing, it's ridiculous. I need to just go through with it already. But it's hard to prepare myself for the pain that's going to accompany my method. I'm also somewhat concerned that my attempt won't be successful. Although I know that rationally if I just follow through with each step of my plan, it'll get the job done. Just need to keep thinking "mind over matter".

 

[Dagon]

Yeah I've delayed it twice already. Everything is already prepared and ready, but I'm scared. Living is exhausting, but not knowing what comes afterwards is terrifying.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

I've been delaying since 2016. I don't have a good reason to go on, but I don't have a good reason to end it either, guess I'm just waiting for shit to finally hit the fan.

I would fast, then when the time comes, I'd be so hungry so I would eat then fast again then eat again.

That's why I'd never use a method that requires hours of preparation. Also dying hungry and sober sounds miserable :/

 

[Loneliest]

It sounds like the survival instinct, we may want to die, but our brains are programmed to survive which makes dying hard.
For me, I planned to ctb last year but I didn't manage to go through with it for various reasons. I know I will certainly do it sometime in the future, once I get absolutely desperate as taking our own lives is hard.

Yeah it does make a lot of sense. We're not programmed to go against surviving.

I do the same thing, it's ridiculous. I need to just go through with it already. But it's hard to prepare myself for the pain that's going to accompany my method. I'm also somewhat concerned that my attempt won't be successful. Although I know that rationally if I just follow through with each step of my plan, it'll get the job done. Just need to keep thinking "mind over matter".

Yeah I feel like a fool sometimes for not going through with my plans. I overdosed on sleeping pills before and woke up two days later like nothing happened. I also tried to burn charcoal in my bathroom and hours went by, still nothing happened. Maybe I was doing it wrong. But kinda scared I'd take SN then fail too.

 

[alown]

the measurement of time is only a human creation ~ sooner or later we die, it's just a matter of perception. to be reborn.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Yes. Originally the plan was to commit suicide right before the age of 21 - it never happened. A similar plan was made to die right after the age of 25; this, too, did not happen.

 

[xkonstantinexx]

I keep pushing my CTB date too. Everytime I've decided that this is the weekend that I'm going to do it, something happens that makes me change my mind.

I don't know if its SI or purely guilt of how my family is going to handle it.

 

[Hurt]

Haven't set a day yet.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I did. But I won't anymore. Nov is the month I'll go on my bus ride.

 

[Cant Maintain]

I've delayed myself a couple times already. Once there were massive fires and I was rendered completely separated from my method for a week or so and then back to people never leaving last year, before realizing I didn't want to leave a body in my friends house who had housed me through the shit. Now that I'm on my own I'm back to vaguely "fall" at the moment, pending getting my note together and deciding on a date.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I did. But I won't anymore. Nov is the month I'll go on my bus ride.

I'm considering bringing forward my ctb date..

 

[CiproKilledMe]

I don't even have the balls to commit to a date and time. I'm just gonna have to do it impulsively. Of course the fasting and meto make impulsivity way more difficult. I wish I could just die of depression.

 

[pole]

i've been following the same plan for the past few years.

waiting till i'm pushed to the edge. not necessarily delaying my ctb, but hoping death comes and scoops me up. just hoping something happens that can give me the extra push to CTB.

till then, i feel as if i'm just stuck and hopelessly waiting.

 

[Winklemate]

If you add it all up, I've probably had close to ten ctb dates that I've pushed back on for one reason or another. Only one of those delays were actually wanting to get better. The most recent delays for me have been my inability to write the suicide note, even though it's basically been written in my mind for a year.

 

[Dear Agony]

I haven't got a date set, because that actually worsens my SI. I feel like if I set a date, I'll do something that will make it obvious, warn someone in some way, or even not have the guts to do it when the day comes. So yeah, having a date set would surely result in me delaying it for sure. And it's not like I'm not sure I want to die, I want it more than anything in the world. My family is what stops me every time.

 

[upthedownescalatorr]

I want to do it this weekend but I also really want to see the film about the Port Arthur massacre which comes out next month. It feels like a really dumb reason to delay though.

 

[goosenoose]

I delayed it because I talked to my spouse and she said I didn't need to die and it would ruin her. Despite my plans and arrangements (500k insurance payout, 4-5 years training/tuition and housing stipends, paid relocation to place of choice). She said the stigma of being a widow by suicide would have been devastating.

Also rationalised that 500k lump sum now is not comparable to me retiring and the million/s paid out over my lifespan. Amongst other things nice about me that I just can't believe.

 

[Seiba]

I'm not delaying anything but not going for anything at the moment. When I was younger I planned on being dead by eighteen, in my twenties now. I still plan on leaving eventually but I'm a NEET with no income and largely emotionally apathetic which makes it hard to motivate for suicide.

 

[paineraser]

I fucking hate my SI and coping. Emotional pain gets extreme everyday but at the end of the day I just can't do it. It's like being trapped in the cycles of eternal hell.

 

[Adamsnolife]

I have done on numerous occasions. Hopefully I now have a definite date planned out for ctb

 

[Sra_TZ]

I keep delaying the date of suicide because every time I set my mind on a definite date, something has to happen to pull me back into the painful circle of life. *sigh*
~S

 

[deadverysoon]

i dont know already.. will see it in two weeks

 

[Zvov]

SI is an actual bitch. I stare at my bottle of SN all day after work