does anybody else experience self hatred everyday?

[untothedepths]

I do, everyday. I was both loved by one parent (arguably also in some of the worst ways possible) and absolutely loathed by another to the point of the gaslighting/emotional/phys./psychological abuse. I feel like people's upbringings and their genetics are extremely important and this gets brushed the aside all the time in the name of "overcoming it" without actually discussing it. I am happy I didn't turn out worse than I am and to become an abuser myself, but I'm far from considering myself at the best possible scenario.

 

[Silent_cries]

honestly, with my ideal body type, id prefer to be more masculine
im severely underweight and i have a baby face
although i could pass off as androgynous, i kind of hate it
and thank you ! i appreciate the support

No problem and thanks for the reply. So you're a more masculine type? Or is that just your body preference?

I hate my body too tbh, I'm overweigh and have stretch marks and rashes and what not all over the place and it makes me feel so disqusting. It's hard when you litterary hate every aspect of yourself. Idk about you, but I can only think of a couple things I don't hate about myself. That's how bad it is for me. :/

 

[KANCEL]

I hate myself for hating myself too

 

[Kit1]

I hate myself to the point that I just want to die. Just feel contaminated and feel I am just on this planet to be raped or hated.

 

[chronicdissosiation]

No problem and thanks for the reply. So you're a more masculine type? Or is that just your body preference?

I hate my body too tbh, I'm overweigh and have stretch marks and rashes and what not all over the place and it makes me feel so disqusting. It's hard when you litterary hate every aspect of yourself. Idk about you, but I can only think of a couple things I don't hate about myself. That's how bad it is for me. :/

its just my body preference, im not really masculine or feminine in real life
i have scars on my body from when my mother used to beat me with belts and i really hate them haha. my body is too bony due to being underweight and i try to wear baggy clothing to hide it as much as possible. living everyday is hard when im constantly thinking about everything thats wrong with me. im glad others are able to relate though. i like knowing im not alone I guess, it brings me comfort

 

[F@#$]

Yes

 

[Silent_cries]

its just my body preference, im not really masculine or feminine in real life
i have scars on my body from when my mother used to beat me with belts and i really hate them haha. my body is too bony due to being underweight and i try to wear baggy clothing to hide it as much as possible. living everyday is hard when im constantly thinking about everything thats wrong with me. im glad others are able to relate though. i like knowing im not alone I guess, it brings me comfort

I'm so sorry you went through that. That must have been so rough! I can't imagine!
I also find it nice to have people to relate to. This community as a whole has been amazing to me tbh. Personally I don't rly feel the need to hide my body in public, although I do wish I was more attractive. I guess that's why I never thought I had body dysphoria until recently. My poor body image for me personally has never been about what others think about me for the most part, but mostly about being comfortable in my own skin. I do fear that ppl are going to call me fat again though. With that said, idk for sure that I have body dysphoria as I'm not diagnosed, but I'm getting more and more certain that I do bc of things like my ed tendencies like restricting my diet and even purging from time to another as well as the way my body tend to look different every time I look at it etc.

Sorry if my comments get's rly long btw, it's a mishabit of mine, I guess I just have alot to talk about lol.

 

[chronicdissosiation]

I'm so sorry you went through that. That must have been so rough! I can't imagine!
I also find it nice to have people to relate to. This community as a whole has been amazing to me tbh. Personally I don't rly feel the need to hide my body in public, although I do wish I was more attractive. I guess that's why I never thought I had body dysphoria until recently. My poor body image for me personally has never been about what others think about me for the most part, but mostly about being comfortable in my own skin. I do fear that ppl are going to call me fat again though. With that said, idk for sure that I have body dysphoria as I'm not diagnosed, but I'm getting more and more certain that I do bc of things like my ed tendencies like restricting my diet and even purging from time to another as well as the way my body tend to look different every time I look at it etc.

Sorry if my comments get's rly long btw, it's a mishabit of mine, I guess I just have alot to talk about lol.

dont worry about yapping lol, i love doing it a lot
i also wish i was more attractive, most of my childhood the only attention i received from other people my age was sexual and it still sticks with me. ive had bad body image issues for a long time, from thinking about how others see me to how i see myself. ive also never been diagnosed with body dysphoria but i can only hope i will be soon lol. issues with eating isnt something i struggle with, im just naturally thin and unable to gain weight.
im glad we can keep a back and forth going on :) i enjoy knowing other peoples stories and remembering im not the only one that feels this way

 

[Silent_cries]

dont worry about yapping lol, i love doing it a lot
i also wish i was more attractive, most of my childhood the only attention i received from other people my age was sexual and it still sticks with me. ive had bad body image issues for a long time, from thinking about how others see me to how i see myself. ive also never been diagnosed with body dysphoria but i can only hope i will be soon lol. issues with eating isnt something i struggle with, im just naturally thin and unable to gain weight.
im glad we can keep a back and forth going on :) i enjoy knowing other peoples stories and remembering im not the only one that feels this way

Idk if this sounds selfish but I wish I could change bodies with you coz I'd rather be underweight. I honestly envy you so much for being underweight and it makes me feel so selfish coz it's clearly a struggle to you >_<
I've personally had body image issues since I hit puberty pretty much, while the other girls around me grew tall and skinny, I remained short and grew chubby instead and I hated it. Being a girl myself, I want to be skinny like the others yk. I also had a teacher in middle school point out my stomach telling me I needed to loose weight several times and it rly got to me. That's why I'm scared ppl are going to call me fat again too. Elementary amd middle school rly was the worst to me, ngl.

And yes, I enjoy talking to you too, you're rly nice and it sure is nice to have ppl to relate to. <3

Btw, is your timezone very different to mine? Coz when you usually respond it's usually the middle of the night to me, hence why I don't respond until several hours later coz I need my beauty sleep you know, haha XD You happen to be an Aussie or something? All I'll say is that I live in Europe, so I'm pretty far away from Australia lol.

 

[chronicdissosiation]

Idk if this sounds selfish but I wish I could change bodies with you coz I'd rather be underweight. I honestly envy you so much for being underweight and it makes me feel so selfish coz it's clearly a struggle to you >_<
I've personally had body image issues since I hit puberty pretty much, while the other girls around me grew tall and skinny, I remained short and grew chubby instead and I hated it. Being a girl myself, I want to be skinny like the others yk. I also had a teacher in middle school point out my stomach telling me I needed to loose weight several times and it rly got to me. That's why I'm scared ppl are going to call me fat again too. Elementary amd middle school rly was the worst to me, ngl.

And yes, I enjoy talking to you too, you're rly nice and it sure is nice to have ppl to relate to. <3

Btw, is your timezone very different to mine? Coz when you usually respond it's usually the middle of the night to me, hence why I don't respond until several hours later coz I need my beauty sleep you know, haha XD You happen to be an Aussie or something? All I'll say is that I live in Europe, so I'm pretty far away from Australia lol.

I dont mind being as underweight as i am but i do wish i gained more weight haha ( im only 90 lbs (pounds) ).
people are shitty, ive had others point out my insecurities on purpose for jokes. i struggled mostly during middle school as i didnt experience being bullied until 5th grade. i had people call me a skeleton and put their pointer finger and thumb together around my wrist. It sounds silly but i hated myself for it. although we have opposite insecurities, i really do understand you. im sorry you also had to go through similar experiences, it really does suck.

haha i live in america (california to be exact..)! pst timezone, i usually respond in the afternoons (from 5 to 8 pm pst). i always get your responses during the middle of the night lol ^_^ so i always type back the next day

 

[jjnsjso44458]

Yes, I feel that I am stupid, incompetent, and pathetic. I've felt like that since I was 12 years old, and I'm also 23 now.

 

[theboy]

not every day but there was a time when I hated myself a lot.

 

[Redleaf1992]

Often recently yes but not all days, for a long list of various things I dislike about myself. This gets me angry towards myself and I end up hitting myself often, occasionally cuting aswell as a form of punishment to myself.

 

[brokeandbroken]

ive always been critical and aware of my flaws since I was a child, ive been depressed for years and ive been living inadequately with myself
insecurity is something i deal with everyday and although i ignore it most of the time, it hits me like a bus
im nonbinary and i dont identify as a man or a woman
i desperately wish i could somewhat feel comfortable in my skin but its a process that takes time
i dislike any reflective surfaces in fear of having to look at myself
im a person of color and i carry a lot of internalized racism towards myself
especially with being a first generation immigrant, i have a burden on my shoulders to be something special or successful
ive abused drugs heavily and its turned most of my brain into sludge, i actually have no dreams or career plans im interested in
ive just tried ignoring it, still dont have proper coping skills
does anybody else have similar beliefs?

To be honest I hate just everything. I'm angry and I don't want to be. I'm sad and don't want to be. I'm miserable and I don't want to be... Etc... Self hatred I don't know. Probably.

 

[AlternativeBagel]

Yeah. I see myself making constant mistakes that I never seem to learn from and never stop myself from doing them. I have lots of self awareness about my own issues and it genuinely sucks. I feel like I'm incapable of change and betterment. Doomed to repeat patterns for as long as I live. I'm tired of if. I just wanna die and escape from it.

 

[Silent_cries]

.

 

[BojackHorseman]

Oh very much so! I absolutely loathe myself. I assure you no one hates and despises me more than me. Most of my inner thoughts revolve around how much I hate myself, how terrible I am, how I don't deserve my husbands love because I'm so awful. So often I want to just crawl in a hole and die because I can't stand the thought of being around myself or forcing others to be around me. I dont want to be around me, so I certainly dont want to force others to.

 

[Unknown21]

Experience it everyday for not killing myself.

 

[Silent_cries]

I dont mind being as underweight as i am but i do wish i gained more weight haha ( im only 90 lbs (pounds) ).
people are shitty, ive had others point out my insecurities on purpose for jokes. i struggled mostly during middle school as i didnt experience being bullied until 5th grade. i had people call me a skeleton and put their pointer finger and thumb together around my wrist. It sounds silly but i hated myself for it. although we have opposite insecurities, i really do understand you. im sorry you also had to go through similar experiences, it really does suck.

haha i live in america (california to be exact..)! pst timezone, i usually respond in the afternoons (from 5 to 8 pm pst). i always get your responses during the middle of the night lol ^_^ so i always type back the next day

Hey sorry I'm late. I never got notified for some reason. Been having some issues with things not getting notified lately. Yeah, we do have opposite insecuries, but I feel like we relate alot anyways. Alot of the struggles are the same after all. I guess we're watching over each other at night then, haha XD Also, I don't mind, I'll just answer when I'm awake, hehe :)

 

[hopeless08]

I hate myself every second of every day and the feeling just keeps getting stronger. I hate myself to the point that I can't stand anyone placing their eyes on me. I can't be around anyone. I'm in complete isolation and there's no way I can lead a normal life feeling this way.
I hide from everyone.

 

[dandoridunban]

Hey, im a straight, he/him white male and i absolutely despise myself. I have hated myself so much to the point Where i have wanted to ctb since 3rd grade. Throughout my childhood i had no passion for anything and was just a big failure. Whenever i try to learn a hobby or skill i tell myself that i cant do it or its too late for me to be passionate. And please Don't be racist to yourself.

Btw, is hating yourself and telling yourself to ctb a sign of depression?

Yes, I am extremely self loathing. It's to the point where I end up sabotaging a lot of good things that happen in my life because I feel like I don't deserve it. I blame myself for everything. I self deprecate a lot. The idea of loving myself repulses me. I often wish I was someone else. And I would often pretend to be someone I'm not because I believe the real me is just a loathsome person.

That is so close to how i feel about myself.

 

[chronicdissosiation]

Hey, im a straight, he/him white male and i absolutely despise myself. I have hated myself so much to the point Where i have wanted to ctb since 3rd grade. Throughout my childhood i had no passion for anything and was just a big failure. Whenever i try to learn a hobby or skill i tell myself that i cant do it or its too late for me to be passionate. And please Don't be racist to yourself.

Btw, is hating yourself and telling yourself to ctb a sign of depression?

That is so close to how i feel about myself.

suicidal ideation is one of the symptoms of depression
i hope ur ok man

Hey sorry I'm late. I never got notified for some reason. Been having some issues with things not getting notified lately. Yeah, we do have opposite insecuries, but I feel like we relate alot anyways. Alot of the struggles are the same after all. I guess we're watching over each other at night then, haha XD Also, I don't mind, I'll just answer when I'm awake, hehe :)

haha its ok me too. i had email notifications for any interactions but lately its stopped completely. idk why

but im hglad we spoke and had a cnversation :)
6you seem like a cool person

 

[onbekend]

The failure to do even the most basic of tasks for me makes me have a hatred for my own existence every single hour.

 

[Olisop21.]

Yep, every second of everyday.

 

[calebzz1]

I don't hate myself per say but just what has happened to me.

 

[Chr0nicAnhedonic]

Self-hatred/loathing/etc has been a part of my personality for so long that I can't imagine what it would be like if I didn't.

It's foreign to me how "normal" people aren't acutely aware of their flaws, shortcomings, and mistakes at all times and don't hate themselves for it.

 

[lita-lassi]

every second of every day