MelancholyDolly
Lolita ♡ I am a human doll
- Oct 28, 2023
- 31
I hadn't been on here in a while, but Jesus Christ it's like the world just wants to see me suffer sometimes.
I mean? I try to better my mental health I do all that therapy crap despite it being inconvenient for me. Still according to doctors I need to get fucking hospitalized and it's like they don't two give 2 fucks about my opinion on it. It's just like "oh yeah you need more help" according to who??? You don't even know my mental state right now and I didn't even fucking say anything yet they act like they know me. They're not in contact with my therapist and they literally forgot the important shit I told them in my last visit yet they act so all-knowing when it comes to decisions regarding MY mental health.
Also don't get me started on my goddamn dietitian, I blatantly told her and my doctors that I was diagnosed with an eating disorder a while ago and istg I think she actually must have forgotten that crucial piece of information today when she was talking to me. She started being super berating about the diet she planned for me and how I haven't been able to keep it up. Started talking about how I need to stop skipping meals cuz it'll make me gain weight and how I should eat every 3-4 hours. Since I clearly haven't been doing any of that she started talking about how she wants to give up on me and all and goes on about how it seems like I'm the one who doesn't want to improve myself. I almost wanted to call her a dumb bitch right there, because Jesus fucking Christ of course I WANT to get better I don't think anyone wants to get worst but its kind of fucking hard to keep a diet or anything stable going related to food when you've got a motherfucking EATING DISORDER.
It's literally in the name. I'm very sensitive when it comes to talks about food or weight but omg she was just going all in acting like I wasn't doing enough and making me feel like absolute shit. I've got some weird mix of anorexia, bulimia and binge eating so you can guess how hard it is to eat everyday, let alone have some super healthy 3-4 hour diet.
I've just been feeling like dogshit since that appointment and I can't get it off my mind, my life feels like it's going to shit lately and I hadn't thought about ctb in a while but man when all my problems pile up on me like this it really breaks me down.
And honestly it's like?? Sometimes I just think maybe I should just eat whatever the fuck I want sugary food, junk food, sodas, WHATEVER I want to ctb anyways who cares I'm just so fucking done with my life and my eating disorder caring about appearances what other people think, I just wanna have a huge last meal and ctb sometimes.
I mean? I try to better my mental health I do all that therapy crap despite it being inconvenient for me. Still according to doctors I need to get fucking hospitalized and it's like they don't two give 2 fucks about my opinion on it. It's just like "oh yeah you need more help" according to who??? You don't even know my mental state right now and I didn't even fucking say anything yet they act like they know me. They're not in contact with my therapist and they literally forgot the important shit I told them in my last visit yet they act so all-knowing when it comes to decisions regarding MY mental health.
Also don't get me started on my goddamn dietitian, I blatantly told her and my doctors that I was diagnosed with an eating disorder a while ago and istg I think she actually must have forgotten that crucial piece of information today when she was talking to me. She started being super berating about the diet she planned for me and how I haven't been able to keep it up. Started talking about how I need to stop skipping meals cuz it'll make me gain weight and how I should eat every 3-4 hours. Since I clearly haven't been doing any of that she started talking about how she wants to give up on me and all and goes on about how it seems like I'm the one who doesn't want to improve myself. I almost wanted to call her a dumb bitch right there, because Jesus fucking Christ of course I WANT to get better I don't think anyone wants to get worst but its kind of fucking hard to keep a diet or anything stable going related to food when you've got a motherfucking EATING DISORDER.
It's literally in the name. I'm very sensitive when it comes to talks about food or weight but omg she was just going all in acting like I wasn't doing enough and making me feel like absolute shit. I've got some weird mix of anorexia, bulimia and binge eating so you can guess how hard it is to eat everyday, let alone have some super healthy 3-4 hour diet.
I've just been feeling like dogshit since that appointment and I can't get it off my mind, my life feels like it's going to shit lately and I hadn't thought about ctb in a while but man when all my problems pile up on me like this it really breaks me down.
And honestly it's like?? Sometimes I just think maybe I should just eat whatever the fuck I want sugary food, junk food, sodas, WHATEVER I want to ctb anyways who cares I'm just so fucking done with my life and my eating disorder caring about appearances what other people think, I just wanna have a huge last meal and ctb sometimes.
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