Do your friends ever get tired of your depression and suicidal ideation?

[Tintypographer]

I try not to let depression define me and certainly don't talk about it or share it. I do get down and stay down for long periods. I also have continuous bouts of suicidal ideation, sometimes even with planning and detailed thoughts. I work very hard to appear to have a positive attitude but the outward signs probably show to those who know me.

I can tell that my friends just get tired of the repeated bouts of down feelings. It's always there and continuously a part of me and the just get fed up with it. I've resolved that it's untreatable after so many years and that I just have to live with it but I can tell that friends and family are simply over my moods and feelings.

I know my friends won't leave me but they sure get exasperated with the constant depression.

Does anyone else have this in their lives?

 

[loopylou]

Yes. All new people pretend to care. My family member said ' if your going to commit suicide you would just do it and no keep mentioning it'

 

[Lmd]

Yes. I understand them so when they ask me how's all going I give them the option to release the beast or say "fine and you?" and move to try to be happy. If I can't take it anymore I just go to sleep or stay alone.

They know my situation and the are worried for me but being a pain in the ass 24/7 it's not good for me either and most of them have problems and want to disconnect. Understanding how to place some things without forget them on purpouse it's hard but it's the best option to don't tire everyone and don't ruin some good times for myself. It sucks to say this under our situation but we have some responsabilities too with how we manage our feelings.

 

[Trisolaris]

Those who are not going through what you're going through can't possibly understand it, that's why it's only natural for them to get frustrated over it.

 

[demuic]

I only have one friend but he understands it because he feels similarly.

 

[Symbiote]

What friends? Nah I keep that shit clamped down tighter than a young man's first day in prison. Better that way if I want to keep them.

 

[BehindTheWall]

Well, the only friend I could have talked to has commit suicide 11 months ago so...

And he's one of the reason why I'm here.

 

[Carrotcake]

This is why I distance myself from friends and family. I want want to burden them.

 

[WornOutLife]

They never complained but I knew I was just a burden for them.
I realized I just needed to be alone and lonely.
Thus, I ended up not having any friends.

 

[Ani198]

I'm sure it does. Hence why i try not to mention it, though the people in my life are too observant for their own good. Though I have been becoming better at hiding it and coming up with excuses for why I look down when they pressure me to say.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I have one real friend. She lost her father to suicide. She knows I'm depressed cause I can't hide it but I better shut up about ctb. She's such a happy person I can't even...

Genrally speaking, I think it's not right to force your shocking material onto someone. Particularly if they care about you. Even if they want to help, you'll soon make them realize they can't. Because they can't. They feel useless. You get nothing.

 

[Makko]

Yes. I understand them so when they ask me how's all going I give them the option to release the beast or say "fine and you?" and move to try to be happy.

Someone sent me a message on here asking how it's going, and I answered "fine and you" out of polite habit. They were offended. I remembered where we are.

 

[fly away]

Yes. All new people pretend to care. My family member said ' if your going to commit suicide you would just do it and no keep mentioning it'

Wow, my 3 sisters just said the same thing. If they get sick of it, how do they think we feel. I'd really rather not like to feel this way and I bet everyone else on here doesn't want to either. Other people just will never get it unless they feel it.

 

[Sinai Silence]

It just becomes ironic and memed on with my group which is nicer than it being completely ignored.

 

[Quinlor]

Yes, since my depression crisis many "friends" abandoned me or I give up them. Especially because I lost patience to deal with "false" or "cold" friends and they on other hand of put up with me.

 

[mossball]

I abandoned most of my irl friends cuz of this and only have two now. One of them is my boyfriend who's trying to keep me alive and the other I don't even talk to but I know we love each other.

I do have a handful of online friends who've always been there for me and I consider my found family. Even then I think no one is equipped to deal with the suicidally depressed constantly. So there are times when I just vent and don't care if no one answers. I know it's hard and that they don't love me less for not knowing what to say. They're allowed to pull away when it gets too much for them and I still get my space. I think that's healthy.

I wish all of you could have reliable friends... Sometimes I see myself as a burden. But we are not burdens for the people who care. If you realize they don't care, drop them. I know it's not that easy but it's what I do.

 

[loopylou]

Wow, my 3 sisters just said the same thing. If they get sick of it, how do they think we feel. I'd really rather not like to feel this way and I bet everyone else on here doesn't want to either. Other people just will never get it unless they feel it.

One of my ' friends' has been ignoring my requests to meet up for months now. Figured it was because of lockdown but she's been out and about walking every day. Then I posted something about suicide on Instagram and she's up in my inbox ' you ok hun '

I have ignored it. Otherwise I'd just snap .
I'm sorry your sisters have said the same to you, it's not pleasant. It definitely made me feel uncomfortable when my relative said it to me

 

[fly away]

Thank you loopylou. It's painful and lonely. And I know you understand.

 

[Moose.000]

Yes, that's why we have SS. I gave up even mentioning anything about my personal suffering to friends and family. It's always met with the same standard textbook responses. Luckily we have this forum available to us.

 

[Celerity]

Absolutely, and we have fought over it before. I have made a pact with myself never to talk about my suicidal ideation except online going forward. If I do it correctly, the people in my life will be absolutely blindsided by my suicide.

 

[Tabbyql]

My 2 remaining friends keep saying they r there 4 me. But I just sense they've had enuff of me making it about my self and my drama. So lately I've just decided to act ok, and keep the convo subjects about them instead of me. But last week I had my mom's coroners inquest (suicide) I can't stop picturing her body on the floor so I told my friends I need some alone time. One of them messaged back saying he's there if I need him, the other friend didn't answer me. I guess she's finally had enuff.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

My friends don't know anything. I don't usually tell how I really feel, if someone is asking. Only 1 person know and he is tired so I don't anymore say anything about my thoughts.

 

[onthelastday]

no, because i never had anyone by my side.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Not that I don't have friends, its just that I don't talk to or reach out to anyone anymore. I have been this way for a very long time and in a sense, it feels "normal" to me like how a mom wakes up in the morning and instantly her mind is racing to think of what needs to be done first. Its not even a thought process at some point its just ingrained habit. Most of my friends are used to this and do want to talk, but, the situation is a rather complex one that is nearly impossible to understand unless you are witnessing it first hand, so, I choose to simply remain silent. Plus, because of a recent and very traumatic event in my life, that I was totally at fault for, has caused me to reevaluate myself and I have come to realize I am a very toxic and broken person who really shouldn't be interacting with others in public, or, most places in general. The more silent I stay, the better. As I ironically type out this long winded and overblown post. Lol...