Venting Do you wish you were free from all the suffering at an earlier date

[FuneralCry]

I always do, in fact I envy those who cease existing when they are much younger than me as they managed to prevent all future suffering, I see nobody who is enduring the terrible burden that is existence to be envied, I only envy those who are finally free from everything.

I feel old and like I've been trapped here for so many years, months away from turning 23 really is such a long time, I think even one second enduring this futile and undesirable existence is one second too long, I've only ever wished for true peace and relief from everything and ideally I wish I never existed at all. Burdening someone with the ability to exist here really is such a tragedy to me as it just causes unnecessary suffering and existence itself is the ultimate cause of all harm.

I'm always tired of existing here, and I hate how 22 years is commonly viewed as "young" as it feels like such a long time to me and I always dread what lies ahead, it's so torturous to think of being trapped here for decades, I see nothing appealing about slowly decaying from age, suffering so unnecessarily in the process.

For me the less time spent trapped here the better, I view it as always being preferable to not exist as existence itself is the ultimate problem in every way that can only be solved by eternal sleep. And this is why it's inhumane how suicide is purposely made so difficult and inaccessible, it's so horrible expecting one to just suffer endlessly when they wish for peace.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

It really sounds horrible what you are going through. Anyway, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Darkover]

preferable to of never existed in the first place my life been a living misery

 

[アホペンギン]

I wish I died in the womb, nonexistence is much more preferable over being alive. Its a shame how people still procreate. In my opinion, it is very cruel and I understand why you think this way, you're always advocating for suicide and you have been here for years so I assume that you're having trouble finding a reliable method which can be really stressful especially in your situation. I also see no appeal to life so, I don't understand why people still strive to do "good things" in their lives by having kids and raising yet another generation while at the same time being mentally unfit to have children.