Do you wish that you could live or would you choose death over everything

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I could never ever want to live no matter what. Even if I could change many things about my life I would still prefer non existence. I think that overall I could never see life as being worth living. Life is tedious and pointless but can also be so horrifying. I have no interest in a 'better' life, I think that being suicidal is seeing the world for what it really is and it's perfectly rational wanting to leave. The thought of death is very comforting and I think that for me to die as soon as possible would be the best thing.

As I have mentioned many times I believe death to be peaceful nonexistence, an eternal dreamless sleep free from everything. This to me is absolutely ideal. Life is unpredictable and uncertain and things can always get much worse if we stay alive. The extreme possibilities for suffering mean that living could never be desirable. I know that I am meant for suicide but it's just not easy to get there. I have never belonged in a world as cruel as this and I know that I deserve better than this life, I deserve to die peacefully.

 

[Hope:-)]

I love life. I just don't love my life. I believe in an afterlife, (although I am not religious,) but it sucks that I have to go out this way. x

 

[Darkover]

under certain circumstance i would want to exist but not has any of these animals on earth including humans beings there to much that can go awrong with these lives.
one moment your fine the next your dead or worse find your self incapacitated far worser fates than death here.

 

[sewercide]

I hate myself too much to want to be alive even if things hypotetically speaking would get better i would choose death cause me and my brain cant be friends

 

[Lullaby]

If I was told that starting tomorrow, everything that I hoped and wish for would start becoming true, I would chose to live.

But otherwise, no. Even if my suicidal thoughts were taken away, the quality of my life is still poor. I know some people can be okay despite their circumstances, but I've always wanted more than this.

Part of me is sad that I want to die, but I would rather that than do another 10 years of this everyday.

 

[Hypocrite_]

In my case, I could never ever want to live no matter what. Even if I could change many things about my life I would still prefer non existence. I think that overall I could never see life as being worth living. Life is tedious and pointless but can also be so horrifying. I have no interest in a 'better' life, I think that being suicidal is seeing the world for what it really is and it's perfectly rational wanting to leave. The thought of death is very comforting and I think that for me to die as soon as possible would be the best thing.

As I have mentioned many times I believe death to be peaceful nonexistence, an eternal dreamless sleep free from everything. This to me is absolutely ideal. Life is unpredictable and uncertain and things can always get much worse if we stay alive. The extreme possibilities for suffering mean that living could never be desirable. I know that I am meant for suicide but it's just not easy to get there. I have never belonged in a world as cruel as this and I know that I deserve better than this life, I deserve to die peacefully.

As someone who is so resolute on the futileness of life, what is stopping you from CTB?

Sorry if you've already mentioned it before, but if it is SI then wouldn't a small part of you at least be rooting for things to turn out for the better so you may continue to live?

 

[RN12]

i loved life before i was damaged by an antidepressant. Now i need to escape this torturous hell

 

[Leiden]

Knowing what I know now about life, I would opt out.

 

[FuneralCry]

As someone who is so resolute on the futileness of life, what is stopping you from CTB?

Sorry if you've already mentioned it before, but if it is SI then wouldn't a small part of you at least be rooting for things to turn out for the better so you may continue to live?

It's because I have limited access to ctb methods and I fear methods failing. The more easily accessible methods sound horrible and risky. Dying is just so complicated and if it was easy then there wouldn't be endless discussions about it on the forum.

 

[thebunny]

if life isn't such a bitch and things are actually going how i want it to be, i'll probably choose to live a little longer than usual.

but we don't always get what we want, right?

rn, i'd still choose death over anything, even if i'm mentally stable. i don't see the point of living any further + i'm drained and exhausted of trying to exist everyday.

 

[Leiden]

In my case, I could never ever want to live no matter what. Even if I could change many things about my life I would still prefer non existence. I think that overall I could never see life as being worth living. Life is tedious and pointless but can also be so horrifying. I have no interest in a 'better' life, I think that being suicidal is seeing the world for what it really is and it's perfectly rational wanting to leave. The thought of death is very comforting and I think that for me to die as soon as possible would be the best thing.

As I have mentioned many times I believe death to be peaceful nonexistence, an eternal dreamless sleep free from everything. This to me is absolutely ideal. Life is unpredictable and uncertain and things can always get much worse if we stay alive. The extreme possibilities for suffering mean that living could never be desirable. I know that I am meant for suicide but it's just not easy to get there. I have never belonged in a world as cruel as this and I know that I deserve better than this life, I deserve to die peacefully.

I am sorry that you suffer so much. I hope someday soon there can be a way that you can have that peaceful sleep that you so desperately want. You make a lot of sense to me and you're right about life, it is unpredictable and uncertain and things can always get much worse and they always do. The possibilities for suffering truly are endless and its extremly frightening!

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I wish I could live with the person or people I want to be with.

 

[Tiberius85]

Live. 100%. The world we live in - with that I mean the planet, the natural world, we as humans are, in theory, as much part of as any other animal (humans are animals too) - is beautiful. It's wonders never cease to amaze, excite and fill me with pure, deep, real joy. The colours of the sunset; the first warm sun rays felt on the skin of the face; floating in the ocean; the smell of spring in the air; the force of a thunderstorm; the view from the top of a mountain when nobody else is around....

None of this has anything to do or is to blame for all the bad things in the human world we live in; the world and societies humans have created and the pains that come with it. It's a paradox that there is so much beauty and so much ugliness out there in this world at the same time, which can make the original question to this thread more difficult to answer.

 

[Un-]

Die.

I'm probably too stupid, but I cannot and do not understand how anyone would want to live. Life fucking sucks. Like you said, life can always get worse - and often times, it does. You have to be one lucky motherfucker to go through life, and sit on your death bed scarless and regretless.

I don't see anything beautiful about life. I don't know.

Our lives are so meaningless, and built on suffering. I'd much rather exit early. I don't see anything being worthwhile. Nobody and nothing will care if die when I'm 80. Our lives are as significant as centipedes crawling around the earth with no identity..

 

[Klophy]

If I could be the person I want, having all my wishes come true, yes.

Since that's impossible, I want out.

 

[GasMonkey]

If I could turn myself into a young chad I wouldn't CTB.

 

[GhostNote]

If I could go back to before my acoustic trauma and all the subsequent ear problems, yes I'd want to live. I have three children who need a father.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'd do anything to have a life, however it looked, that I accepted and did not constantly want out of. But as it stands I don't and the suicidal ideation hasn't gone away in over straight years and I don't feel like fighting it is futilely trying to build that magical life.

 

[Nolongerworthliving]

I don't want to live anymore in this constant state of mental anguish and physical pain. Plus, looking for a job for over a year- yesterday was my breaking point at 80 interviews and no one wants me. 20 years in the corporate world and there are just so many other people better than me. I have nothing to live for- I am killing my parents with this stress and I think they would be at peace if I were gone.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think death has been the most consistent wish throughout my life. I don't think it would be impossible for me to change my life for the better but that would mean gaining a whole load of self confidence and overcoming social anxiety and honestly, death is much more appealing- I was going to say easier but clearly not- because I'm still here...

 

[Clemenstönnies2]

i would like to live free in psychotic mania if i could choose. It was a real chaos. I went out at night, just wandering around in the woods and everything felt so intensly right. Everything told me a story. And I was part of it. Endlessly searching and I felt the pain so deeply that it was wonderful.

I was searching for a person in the woods. Somehow I came to the conclusion that she was kind of everywhere. And she was watching me whatever I did. (just want to make clear im somewhere between female and assexual). I felt safe. Nothing could hurt me. She protected me from these forces. No matter what they did to me, everything felt like peacefully right.

Unfortunately i misinterpreted the constructs of this world. I went in the middle of the streets not caring about cars - disillusioned. I was hypnotised by everything.

Especially black quadrats. I fell right into them. I was part of Nothing. Like a ghost. Everything I did was pure intention.

I nearly died few times. With-out intention. I broke through an attic of an old house. I fell down a cliff.

I would have died peacefully but they took me back to life right into psychiatry. I just wished so hardly this was the end of my life. This would have been a happy end.

I wished I could go back to mania. I wished everyone to die in mania. But I cant reach this state of being - cause probably it is nothing to reach. And probably I missed the chance or they took it.

Its two years ago. They took me back violently. Did not even give me anesthetic. I remember my hand on the machine that probably straighend my bones/ operated me. I screamed. I dont know if they heared me cause i dont know if i had the power to scream loud.

Ever since I am in a state of deep depression. Sometimes it turns to deep rage and i with the guy that I chose as my username dead (chef of german biggest animal producing industry) so this suffer just ends for all these animals forced to live for human taste. I feel deeply connected to the animals in meat industry.

But mostly I wish back to mania. I wish it will just repeat and this time I stay dead. But it does not work out. I get worse and i dont know how I can make the effort to kill myself. Dont want to force it. Feels wrong.

I want death to come to me. Thats so childish, so naiv.

 

[redeyepiranha]

Death is always preferable for me, I simply don't like living, even if i was famous and rich af, I would prefer to go back to the void. Sweet nonexistence…

 

[Obliviate]

If magically the world could be fixed of it's disgustingness then yes living would be great but even if I magically got extremely wealthy, I would simply donate it and still CTB. Racism, classism, ableism, rape, corruption, animal abuse, poverty will always exist.

 

[GreenTree]

Used to love life. It was amazing. Now want death so badly.

 

[Astral Storm]

I agree with you on everything. Life even the best one is not worth it for me. I just don't want to hurt others by simply existing.

 

[Marktheghost]

Live. 100%. The world we live in - with that I mean the planet, the natural world, we as humans are, in theory, as much part of as any other animal (humans are animals too) - is beautiful. It's wonders never cease to amaze, excite and fill me with pure, deep, real joy. The colours of the sunset; the first warm sun rays felt on the skin of the face; floating in the ocean; the smell of spring in the air; the force of a thunderstorm; the view from the top of a mountain when nobody else is around....

None of this has anything to do or is to blame for all the bad things in the human world we live in; the world and societies humans have created and the pains that come with it. It's a paradox that there is so much beauty and so much ugliness out there in this world at the same time, which can make the original question to this thread more difficult to answer.

This^

If I could be the person I want, having all my wishes come true, yes.

Since that's impossible, I want out.

And this ^

I think those replies sum up how I feel about the question. I'd love to Live if it were possible!

 

[Shivali]

I suffer from a personality disorder. There is no cure and it is not possible to lead a tolerable life. So I prefer death to life. If I were a completely different person with a healthy resilent psyche may be I would like the living. Who knows?

 

[Darkover]

Live. 100%. The world we live in - with that I mean the planet, the natural world, we as humans are, in theory, as much part of as any other animal (humans are animals too) - is beautiful. It's wonders never cease to amaze, excite and fill me with pure, deep, real joy. The colours of the sunset; the first warm sun rays felt on the skin of the face; floating in the ocean; the smell of spring in the air; the force of a thunderstorm; the view from the top of a mountain when nobody else is around....

what wonders amaze you exactly the cosmos if so then it's just a bunch of atoms nothing amazing about it, is it beautiful to be a cow or a pig or a sheep i mean who would want to enslaved in that awful shit, there's nothing here that amaze me especially with considering how slow everything is just look at how shitty our computers are can't even simulate a single atom thats how shit they are, i would need infinite computational power to be amazed.

Drift velocity, the average speed at which electrons travel in a conductor when subjected to an electric field, is about 1mm per second.
It's the electromagnetic wave rippling through the electrons that propagates at close to the speed of light.

calculation shows that the electron is traveling at about 2,200 kilometers per second.
That's less than 1% of the speed of light, but it's fast enough

2,200 kilometers to meters equals 2200000 meters

2200 kilometers to nanometers
2.2e+15
22,000,000,000,000

6,250,000,000,000,000,000 electrons per second for a amp
2,200,000,000,000,000
2,200,000
2,200,000,000*1000
1000 millimeters in 1 meter
2,200,000,000,000,000 * 1,000,000 1 million because 1 nm equal 1 milion
Electrons Can Travel Over 100 Times Faster In Graphene Than In Silicon, Physicists Show
220,000,000,000,000,000 2,200,000,000,000,000*100


If you could travel at the speed of light, you could go around the Earth 7.5 times in one second

300,000,000,000,000,000 nanometers
2,200,000,000,000,000 electron

die size
192 mm²

192,000,000*192,000,000

36,864,000,000,000,000 nm

300,000,000,000,000,000/192,000,000
2,200,000,000,000,000/192,000,000

stright line
lights can travle from one end to the another 1,562,500,000 times per second

electrons can travle from one end to the another 11,458,333 times per second

 

[WorthlessMoron]

I'd always choose death. I'm suicidal, but I'm not really depressed. I view myself being suicidal as "rational (for lack of a better word)". It's not caused by depression, my environment, or the circumstances of my life. I wasn't dealt a bad hand. I simply do not see any meaning in living. Even if I had a different life, like being extremely rich or talented, I think I'd still be suicidal.

The only reason why I'm still alive right now is because I'm a coward.

 

[ojinzo]

I would prefer to love with privilege but I'm tired of suffering.