Discussion Do you want to want to die?

[mythofsisyphus]

I want to die, but I don't want to want to die, so wanting to die just makes me want to die more...

 

[Scorpio moon gal]

actually I don't want to die..but I feel like I have no way out this situation I'm in

 

[mythofsisyphus]

actually I don't want to die..but I feel like I have no way out this situation I'm in

Sorry to hear that :( tbh maybe it's the same for me and I'm just overcomplicating it

 

[Tarrasque]

Nah. Everything that makes me wanna die is just something I don't want to endure, and dying is the "if all else has failed" solution to stopping them.

 

[Scorpio moon gal]

no it might probably be completely valid for you to feel that way, not that you are overcomplicating it.
but for me, I know there's nothing else I can do to help this situation, and it's guaranteed that it'll only go worse from here.
your take on it isn't so different from mine
if I were born in a developed country, I'd have worked myself off. work is the next best thing for me. but here, I'm just forced to be with myself

 

[drag201]

I don't want to die, I just don't want to exist. Dying just so happens to be the only way of ceasing to exist. If I had the choice, I would've definitely chosen to not have been born at all. Still, I wish there was a different way to disappear.

 

[LiveOrganization97]

I want peace. But there is no such thing for me anymore, not in this world. So yeah. That leaves me with no other option.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't wish for anything but to eternally cease existing, I'd never wish to hurt or suffer in this existence, I simply don't wish to experience anything at all, rather all I wish for is permanent nothingness where all is forgotten about, if it's up to me I'd choose to erase my existence so it's like I never existed at all as existing truly has caused me nothing but pain, I'd never wish for the pointless, tragic torment of existing as a conscious being.

 

[emma99]

I think everyone whop eventually CTB, at some point didn't want to want to die either.
I know for me that suicidal idealisation is a process and a journey.

You may have impulsive suicides, but i'm sure many that were premeditated.
that the soul who ctb, had to go through a mental process.

For me that process is.

I want to die because i want the situation and circumstances to end.
So i really i don't want to die, what i want is for a more hospitable environment
And for me personally. I have been in a very debilitating stressful
place from April 2023 - June 2024. However after the same thing which
gave me temporary relief, is going to come back ten fold.

I know how painful this last year has been for me. but the news
that my situation is going to change for the worse is going to
put me into a much darker place than i have been in for the last year.

The only bit of relief i have been given is that I was given notice
of the change of circumstances and with the notice came breathing space.

And so in many ways I have returned to a state of
mind where by i can function. And I can see that.

But the people who are responsible for changing the situation cannot see that. And honestly at this point in my life I really cannot mentally take any more grief or stress.

the way I see my situation is that i am currently in a position where by i can actually CTB
And soon that situation will change.
My life is going to get ten times worse.
and not only is it going to get worse.
but i wont be able to CTB in the same way I can do it now.

Do I want to die though?
No I want my situation to improve
and my environment to be hospitable
to life and prosperity and growth,

Throw me into a dark environment and i will only suffer.
And telling me that it is for the foreseeable future only means that there is no end date.
And so as the saying goes "pick your battles" this is one battle I know I cant face.
and ppl can call that weak or cowardice or whatever.
I am just being true to myself.

 

[wCvML2]

I guess my relationship with my suicidal thoughts is complicated. Sometimes they comfort me, sometimes they stress me out, sometimes they're just whatever. I don't see them as overall bad or good so I mostly let them be inside my own head.

 

[sandysummertoin@]

For me I have a broken mind and I don't think I o can think for my self or survive on my own effort. I'm too stupid. Plus the system I used to survive this long is failing. I want to die wether the situation is good or bad.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't want to be alive to be able to want to die. But, in terms of ideation- passive ideation is comforting- one day, all this shit will be over. Active ideation isn't- I'm going to have to wing it with some risky method if I really want out. I'll likely be scared shitless and in pain. I just feel resentful about the whole situation really in an antinatilist way- I wish I hadn't been born to begin with to be in this situation now.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Never wanted to. Have to. No legitimate choice. Tragedy.

 

[Sover]

Absolutely. I get no enjoyment out of life. Everything seems like a fucking chore nowadays. I wasnt always like this. I miss the old me. But I have to accept that person doesnt exist anymore. I cant lie to myself anymore. Havent been happy for over a decade. Tried Exercise, pursuing goals, socializing.. didnt change much. I'm so tired of trying. If i lived in a red state i would've bought a gun from walmart and ended my life already. Shits torture.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't want to die but life circumstances may force me to CTB one day. It's the worst not wanting to die but having no other option.

 

[hawkshorizon]

I think everyone whop eventually CTB, at some point didn't want to want to die either.
I know for me that suicidal idealisation is a process and a journey.

You may have impulsive suicides, but i'm sure many that were premeditated.
that the soul who ctb, had to go through a mental process.

For me that process is.

I want to die because i want the situation and circumstances to end.
So i really i don't want to die, what i want is for a more hospitable environment
And for me personally. I have been in a very debilitating stressful
place from April 2023 - June 2024. However after the same thing which
gave me temporary relief, is going to come back ten fold.

I know how painful this last year has been for me. but the news
that my situation is going to change for the worse is going to
put me into a much darker place than i have been in for the last year.

The only bit of relief i have been given is that I was given notice
of the change of circumstances and with the notice came breathing space.

And so in many ways I have returned to a state of
mind where by i can function. And I can see that.

But the people who are responsible for changing the situation cannot see that. And honestly at this point in my life I really cannot mentally take any more grief or stress.

the way I see my situation is that i am currently in a position where by i can actually CTB
And soon that situation will change.
My life is going to get ten times worse.
and not only is it going to get worse.
but i wont be able to CTB in the same way I can do it now.

Do I want to die though?
No I want my situation to improve
and my environment to be hospitable
to life and prosperity and growth,

Throw me into a dark environment and i will only suffer.
And telling me that it is for the foreseeable future only means that there is no end date.
And so as the saying goes "pick your battles" this is one battle I know I cant face.
and ppl can call that weak or cowardice or whatever.
I am just being true to myself.

"And so as the saying goes "pick your battles" this is one battle I know I cant face. and ppl can call that weak or cowardice or whatever. I am just being true to myself."

I feel much the same.

 

[xxyinyangxx]

I have debilitating ocd and am in constant mental hell everyday. I would rather leave this plane then deal with it another day :( I do fear the process but I think someday and soon i won't even worry about the fear and just do it

 

[dimgobaith]

I don't want to but it's for the best I do. I had goals and dreams once

 

[daocreator]

I want to die, but I don't want to want to die, so wanting to die just makes me want to die more...

Honestly, life could be better if I put in as much effort as I could in my studies.

But I just find no point in doing so. I might have anhedonia, as I very rarely ever feel pleasure from doing any activity whatsoever.

What's really numbing me now is just reading books or listening to music.

And I'd study just to have some sort of job, to satisfy my parents. I'm not currently doing anything in my life for myself. And I honestly doubt I would be in the future.

So, to me, the saying "the older you grow, the more you regret not catching earlier" is really undoubtedly true

 

[iloveduster]

I really really hate my own existence. I despise the body I'm in and the life I'm living. I just hope to ctb one day and be in peace forever.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't want to die. I just want to be dead. Dying is awful but death itself is bliss. I don't want to put in any effort into dying. I think that I should just be owed euthanasia so that I can die peacefully and effortlessly. It's so unfair that I have to put in a lot of effort to survive and also to die. I'm the type of person who always chooses the path of least resistance and humans have made it where the path of least resistance isn't dying

 

[kcon1243]

I just don't want to live and wish I didn't exist. Dying seems like the only way to accomplish that.

 

[Hotsackage]

The term no way out, will suffice

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Depends. I guess I probably don't but I don't see the thing that would keep me alive from happening anytime soon

 

[sometimesoon]

Sometime you just get tired of living
Sometime you just get tired of living

 

[CatLvr]

I guess my relationship with my suicidal thoughts is complicated. Sometimes they comfort me, sometimes they stress me out, sometimes they're just whatever. I don't see them as overall bad or good so I mostly let them be inside my own head.

This is my experience also. My suicidal thoughts are always with me, just some days they are darker than others, and some days like you, they comfort me because they mean I have a choice when the rest of the world is telling me I have no choice but to stay here and suffer.