BluesRunTheGame
Blackpilled
- Dec 15, 2020
- 1,715
-
⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.
Voted no.
If only I could manifest the result of this poll for myself.
If only I could manifest the result of this poll for myself.
Nope. Just failed an important exam. I want to kill myself asap. I hate this shit and I hate myself. I am so dumb and stupid. The good thing is that I could focus on studying while feeling extremely suicidal. But it wasn't enough. I cant fucking take it anymore. I had enough
Arrow
Rewrite
- May 1, 2020
- 768
Maybe an outlier here, but I voted yes. I have several concerts coming up that I'm really excited for. Have a trip to Florida planned. Am making really good progress on a diet and exercise (and drug 
) plan in prep of the Florida trip. And it's the middle of summer - my fav time of the year.
Catch up with me in about 3 months...
) plan in prep of the Florida trip. And it's the middle of summer - my fav time of the year.Catch up with me in about 3 months...
OpheliasFlowers
Specialist
- Apr 2, 2019
- 348
No. I'm so tired of feeling sick and miserable and in pain EVERY SINGLE DAY. It would be a true blessing to just die in my sleep, which is why I know it'll never happen that way for me...
Lost Magic
Illuminated
- May 5, 2020
- 3,204
the closest thing to dying in ones sleep would be to drink N, which I will be in less than a year.
Judy Garland
HoHum
- Mar 23, 2022
- 826
No, I don't want to wake up in the morning. I want to wake up at Home.
No--Rough weekend since 4th of July brings back so many good memories of her, for 35 years she was nuts about Fireworks, we used to go to so many different towns to see them, last few years we just watched the stunning NYC fireworks on the Telly instead, but I won't be watching anything tonight of course, just dead silence here without her---I played basketball yesterday morning at the same court for 40 years,she used to watch me while sitting on a nearby swing, a long time ago......
Last edited:
Fadeawaaaay
Visionary
- Nov 12, 2021
- 2,160
wanttodie
Enlightened
- Apr 19, 2018
- 1,827
Judy Garland
HoHum
- Mar 23, 2022
- 826
I'm so sorry for your loss of love. I too have lost someone special, and I hate living life without them. My 4th of July weekend was the same as other weekends but with more noise. I imagined all the families going out and enjoying the weekend camping, and watching fireworks. I have none of that. I'm just here all alone, withering as I plan to die.
Of course not! I love sleeping and I hate waking up. Dying while sleeping is my dream.
Brianiskillingme
Slowly Dying Inside
- Jan 18, 2022
- 148
RIPwednesdayadams
Member
- Dec 17, 2021
- 34
No. I'm literally sitting in my car by myself bawling my eyes out. I almost died 2 days ago naturally because my body finally shut down from insomnia and stress and I had a seizure behind the wheel. But my stupid foot was on the brake. It was an empty road and took the ems 4 hours to find me. I don't remember any of this but it was like the blink of an eye. Thankfully I was able to act "normal" enough and just said I had severe insomnia but usually have triggers where I can tell (which is true, and I wasn't having them when I got in the car or I wouldn't have gotten behind the wheel— not trying kill an innocent person). The only fucking friend I had in this world died two months ago. I spend every day alone, in my room. Numb. Alone. I'm the scape goat in a narcissist/enabler/golden child dynamic. It doesn't matter. I ruined my whole life always trying to save and help other people who never gave a shit about me. (Except when they need shit.)
I realized how fucked up I am when I was trying to plan my suicide so it didn't coincide with anyones birthday or anniversary. No one has acknowledged my birthday or anything in years. Not that I care anymore. I just want this nightmare to be over. I have lived like this for 3 decades. Someone drugged my drink in a bar a couple years ago and I died. For a little I was finally free. Just felt nothing. It was amazing— just a beautiful black nothingness. No more pain. No more people hurting me. Then I woke up in the fucking hospital, they lost ALL my belongings and tried to say they didn't lose anything. I'll admit it— I snapped for once in my life at that smarmy fucking nurse. "I didn't come in here NAKED with no shoes in 30 degree weather" (because I did remember being in my friends car when he was driving me to the hospital but they took me and wouldn't let him come then started acting like he drugged me). Im glad he left honestly and he picked me up and was the only reason I still had a phone and wallet because he saw how awful they were but it was the closest hospital and he picked me up. I feel bad cause he's an ex army ranger fucked up with his own ptsd and he didn't know I wanted to die. But it sucked so bad to finally be free and have it snatched away. Stuck on the psych ward because apparently when a woman is drugged with ghb they just try to traumatize you as much as possible without actually doing shit. My arms and legs were flailing for the 18 hours I was out so they were tied down. My whole body hurt felt like I had been beaten up.
And then my best and only real friend I had left died and I found out via fb two days after his funeral. The only person I could talk honestly like this with. The only person who had genuinely given a shit about me in years. I'm gutted. And I have these stupid ass dudes who act like my friend but in reality they just want to fuck. Jokes on them because they all legit do the same exact things that it's so blatantly obvious and laughable when they're like iM nOt LiKe oThEr gUys. But nick wasn't like that. I mean he was honest and was like i think you're beautiful but not in a creepy just trying to get laid way. And he would always talk to me, and I was there for him too. Now he's gone. Lucky fuck. I'm cursing him now but I wish he was here. It's so hard to find one genuine fucking person who cared and didn't want something.
Lmao like there's this dude (acquaintance) right now who literally messages me and tries to get me to talk to him about depression and shit and how he could tell I needed someone to talk to. The only reason I even messaged him back was because he said "I'm not going to stop occasionally messaging you just to let you know I'm here. And I think you need someone to talk to." I get this message when I'm planning my exit for the umpteenth time and weird coincidences kept happening like that. So I was like let me just see what's up with this and if he's genuine. We get like 2 weeks in and he's got depression too and it actually does seem like he does want to be friends. Then I get "I have to get something off my chest" and I wanna throw my phone because I KNOW what's coming. He just wants to cry about how his sex drive is back and he's really attracted to me and wants to talk about his fucking masturbation routine. FUCK OFF. Just fuck off. This is after me explaining all this shit above AND been raped two different times, both times but close friends once when I was 18 and again when I was 20. Believe me I wish a girl or anyone would be my friend but sadly I just attract honey selfish dudes. So yeah, I don't care anymore. Last time I talk to anyone. Legit the only reason I even tried was cause he had this crazy accurate ability to text me out of nowhere and say something that was exactly what I was thinking about at the time. But then turn around and be so tone deaf. Like read the fucking room. Nick didn't do this shit. But he's dead and I'm stuck here alone.
Idk sorry obviously I don't talk to people so this was years of stuff. I get it if no one reads it. I wish I had a gun but the gun laws are so strict. I failed slitting my wrists and I refuse to be committed again. Force people to stay alive in a literal nightmare.
I realized how fucked up I am when I was trying to plan my suicide so it didn't coincide with anyones birthday or anniversary. No one has acknowledged my birthday or anything in years. Not that I care anymore. I just want this nightmare to be over. I have lived like this for 3 decades. Someone drugged my drink in a bar a couple years ago and I died. For a little I was finally free. Just felt nothing. It was amazing— just a beautiful black nothingness. No more pain. No more people hurting me. Then I woke up in the fucking hospital, they lost ALL my belongings and tried to say they didn't lose anything. I'll admit it— I snapped for once in my life at that smarmy fucking nurse. "I didn't come in here NAKED with no shoes in 30 degree weather" (because I did remember being in my friends car when he was driving me to the hospital but they took me and wouldn't let him come then started acting like he drugged me). Im glad he left honestly and he picked me up and was the only reason I still had a phone and wallet because he saw how awful they were but it was the closest hospital and he picked me up. I feel bad cause he's an ex army ranger fucked up with his own ptsd and he didn't know I wanted to die. But it sucked so bad to finally be free and have it snatched away. Stuck on the psych ward because apparently when a woman is drugged with ghb they just try to traumatize you as much as possible without actually doing shit. My arms and legs were flailing for the 18 hours I was out so they were tied down. My whole body hurt felt like I had been beaten up.
And then my best and only real friend I had left died and I found out via fb two days after his funeral. The only person I could talk honestly like this with. The only person who had genuinely given a shit about me in years. I'm gutted. And I have these stupid ass dudes who act like my friend but in reality they just want to fuck. Jokes on them because they all legit do the same exact things that it's so blatantly obvious and laughable when they're like iM nOt LiKe oThEr gUys. But nick wasn't like that. I mean he was honest and was like i think you're beautiful but not in a creepy just trying to get laid way. And he would always talk to me, and I was there for him too. Now he's gone. Lucky fuck. I'm cursing him now but I wish he was here. It's so hard to find one genuine fucking person who cared and didn't want something.
Lmao like there's this dude (acquaintance) right now who literally messages me and tries to get me to talk to him about depression and shit and how he could tell I needed someone to talk to. The only reason I even messaged him back was because he said "I'm not going to stop occasionally messaging you just to let you know I'm here. And I think you need someone to talk to." I get this message when I'm planning my exit for the umpteenth time and weird coincidences kept happening like that. So I was like let me just see what's up with this and if he's genuine. We get like 2 weeks in and he's got depression too and it actually does seem like he does want to be friends. Then I get "I have to get something off my chest" and I wanna throw my phone because I KNOW what's coming. He just wants to cry about how his sex drive is back and he's really attracted to me and wants to talk about his fucking masturbation routine. FUCK OFF. Just fuck off. This is after me explaining all this shit above AND been raped two different times, both times but close friends once when I was 18 and again when I was 20. Believe me I wish a girl or anyone would be my friend but sadly I just attract honey selfish dudes. So yeah, I don't care anymore. Last time I talk to anyone. Legit the only reason I even tried was cause he had this crazy accurate ability to text me out of nowhere and say something that was exactly what I was thinking about at the time. But then turn around and be so tone deaf. Like read the fucking room. Nick didn't do this shit. But he's dead and I'm stuck here alone.
Idk sorry obviously I don't talk to people so this was years of stuff. I get it if no one reads it. I wish I had a gun but the gun laws are so strict. I failed slitting my wrists and I refuse to be committed again. Force people to stay alive in a literal nightmare.
Zzzzz
Nothing compares to the bliss of death.
- Aug 8, 2018
- 879
No I definitely don't.
Fuck my life. I hate every day I wake up .
Fuck my life. I hate every day I wake up .
BigPP
Already dead
- Apr 30, 2022
- 27
This is to complex of a question for me. It changes hour by hour. I wouldn't say I WANT to wake up, but there are times when the feeling of not wanting to wake up will go away, more like an indifference? I'll just put no
Darkover
Archangel
- Jul 29, 2021
- 5,641
no i've definitely had enough of this shithole and awful enslavement i just want it be all over with for all time
houseofleaves
and this with thee remains.
- Jan 14, 2022
- 554
Lost in a Dream
He/him - Metal head
- Feb 22, 2020
- 1,820
Every time I wake up I immediately remember the shit that this life is.
Would love to never wake up
Would love to never wake up
Eternal🌈Rainbow
♡ ✨ ♡ 🌸 ♡ 💖 ♡ 🌈 ♡
- Apr 2, 2022
- 240
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,582
No. Instead I want to pass away peacefully in my sleep. I want nothing to do with this life at all, waking up is so horrifying and for me existing means suffering. There is just no point to it all and If am gone then nothing can hurt me. I believe death to be true peace as it is freedom from consciousness. To me, living is a form of torture and I deserve so much better than this life.
I'm 60 years old and I pray every night to pass on in my sleep. I just want Jesus to take me home
