Do you want to get better?

[glided~hydrangea]

Being suicidal and depressed can be addictive in a way. Like this type of sadness is comforting and familiar, even though we fell like absolute shit. it's so easy lose yourself to this type of hopelessness. So with that said, if granted a magical wish of sorts to take away these feelings (ideation, sh, depression, grief, etc.), and be a healthy, ordinary member of society, would you?

 

[moriix]

Being suicidal and depressed can be addictive in a way. Like this type of sadness is comforting and familiar, even though we fell like absolute shit. it's so easy lose yourself to this type of hopelessness. So with that said, if granted a magical wish of sorts to take away these feelings (ideation, sh, depression, grief, etc.), and be a healthy, ordinary member of society, would you?

my first instinct was to reply "yes" but honestly im not so sure if I think about it more. depression and sadness are definitely addicting for me but they are also hard to escape because I cant lose anything if I dont hope for anything in the first place. if i suddenly became a normal healthy person there would be a lot to lose, and knowing how cruel and unpredictable the world can be I dont know if im ready to face that possibility :^) this is what keeps me most stuck in my depression, honestly. i just can't seem to get over my fear of loss and uncertainty that inevitably comes with life... and the fuller the life you live, the more attachment and therefore more loss and grief you experience. i have lost so many things dear to me already and im just not ready to go through this again. though if that healthy version of me also involves the ability to cope with and face loss then maybe. i think ultimately i am really afraid of unpredictable pain so I keep myself stuck in a predictable one.

 

[unluckysadness]

I feel this way too. I'm addicted to social isolation so no one can see me. I've never experienced happiness and love, so my brain only knows suffering. I stopped taking my antidepressants since a while. And I should see doctors for my other health issues, but I don't. I'm like the Titanic, slowly sinking. But without the violonists playing until the end.

 

[FuneralCry]

That wouldn't even make sense to me, I don't ever see what could be healthy about existing, to suffer in this existence will always be the most terrible mistake to me and it's just so terrible how humans impose this existence at all causing all this cruelty and suffering as a result with no limit as to how much agony one can feel.

Existence truly is the problem torturing existing beings all for the sake of it and the suffering this existence causes is endless, it just truly is an abomination to suffer in this existence so terrible and cruel and it's so horrible how the torture of being burdened with this existence can continue for decades longer just for one to face the terrible extreme agony of old age. For me non-existence is just all that's positive, all I want is true permanent peace from this deeply undesirable, futile and unnecessary existence that just causes all this harm and suffering that there was never a need for in the first place.

 

[Die.A.Ria]

I dont really care anymore
I dont see a point even if i do get better

 

[YourLocalEdgelord]

. I stopped taking my antidepressants since a while

May I ask how that's been for you? I feel better without them.

So with that said, if granted a magical wish of sorts to take away these feelings (ideation, sh, depression, grief, etc.), and be a healthy, ordinary member of society, would you?

This society? Hell no, good riddance. In a fair society without greed? Yes, please.

 

[lpdsvm]

I'm alone and my citizenship is a pariah, and I'm not valuable - piece of meat. I can go broke at any moment. The hell would I want anything normal too much. I must be ready to CTB and add more methods and improve them.
I'm used to it as well.

 

[Rihan]

I think that the world is a sick place. I'd just be delusional if I were to be an ordinary person with no nihilistic views. Even if I were mentally well, the world would just keep worsening until it becomes hell. I'd rather remain in the state that I am now so that I am more willing to CTB. I don't want to be here when everything crumbles.

 

[unluckysadness]

May I ask how that's been for you? I feel better without them.

I took a low dosage during maybe 15-20 years and honestly, I see no major difference. I just take a very small dosage of valium (5mg) that helps a little bit for my muscle spasms and my anxiety. But when I tried to stop antidepressants 15 years ago (overnight without my doctor's approval), it was a very bad idea (I was VERY agressive and nervous - awful). If you stop antidepressants, you need to do it step by step.

 

[hughmun9]

my first instinct was to reply "yes" but honestly im not so sure if I think about it more. depression and sadness are definitely addicting for me but they are also hard to escape because I cant lose anything if I dont hope for anything in the first place. if i suddenly became a normal healthy person there would be a lot to lose, and knowing how cruel and unpredictable the world can be I dont know if im ready to face that possibility :^) this is what keeps me most stuck in my depression, honestly. i just can't seem to get over my fear of loss and uncertainty that inevitably comes with life... and the fuller the life you live, the more attachment and therefore more loss and grief you experience. i have lost so many things dear to me already and im just not ready to go through this again. though if that healthy version of me also involves the ability to cope with and face loss then maybe. i think ultimately i am really afraid of unpredictable pain so I keep myself stuck in a predictable one.

That's so true. I do think that certain skills protect you from some amount of external loss though, so I would hope that if I were a normal healthy person there would be more external stability around me as well. Though no amount of stability can protect you from certain things

 

[pk@2001]

I'm a long lost cause and I don't think I want to get resurrected given my soul, my life, my mind is all dead.
It's this falling which is holding me apart now ( and even this is going to shatter probably by the end of this year )

 

[Scythe]

No, my mental disorders have became a fundemental part of who I am, I wouldn't be the same without. It would be turning into a completely different person and have no difference from actual death to me. I wouldn't say no to a magical wand granting me enough money to never work a day though.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

I don't, I just want to die peacefully and be in love with my beloved the way I am is too deep in my personality and mind, if I changed it I'd be another person

 

[TwistedNightmares]

There is a small part of me that sometimes wishes I can get better, but I know that I am a lost cause and getting better will never be possible.

 

[Busridin'26]

Kinda? But the execution seems impossible so kinda just letting go of tryna figure it out.

 

[starboy2k]

for what tho?

 

[DeadManLiving]

You need money for that. Without money you can't survive, let alone recover.

 

[suncide10]

Of course I want. But at the same time it is kinda scary because depression became a part of me meaning I'll have to become a new person.

 

[Cepheuss]

I dont want to continue as myself so no i dont wanna get better so i can keep pushing myself to suicide. I can't continue existing as myself i hate it i dont want my memories i dont want any of this

 

[Strangerdanger7]

Be honest: they say therapy will make you feel better. How many of you feel better after therapy?
I think you've answered your own question.
Obviously, it's proven
Ineffective, and their tools didn't make anybody feel any better.
If they did, would you be here talking about it or questioning it?
You've answered your own question.
Maybe it's time for a different approach in this country and new thinking that includes death with dignity for all cases.
Supporting this cause gives you a sense of purpose.
Medical freedom is the safety net we need.
If you choose therapy, that is fine, but this should not be your sole option.

 

[hughmun9]

I would

 

[alwayspissedoff]

at this point I don't think I even deserve that. I just don't deserve anything good.

 

[lastappleonearth]

That's so true fr. I think, feeling a certain way can def be addictive, like it's sth familiar and you are used to feeling this certain way and that makes it even harder to escape it. I didn't even realise this perspective, until sb who really cared for me told me that I'm too used to feeling down and depressed and therefore can't accept sth good happening to me and fall into self sabotage. In retrospect this person was spot on I think, unfortunately I didn't see it back then and ruined my relationship with them, even though they rlly tried. I hope they're doing well

at this point I don't think I even deserve that. I just don't deserve anything good.

I feel the same tbh and it's hard to stop believing it, but idk, it's just a vicious cycle. I hope that u feel better someday

 

[RawRX3]

I def like the feeling of being sick, kinda like what you were saying where it's the place I've been for most of my life so it's cozy in the sickly way. But I'd much rather not be sick if I could, but that'd have to fix several huge issues I have or at least like 1 to 2 of them before anything matter about fixing my mental health :3

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't want to be a part of this world or society anymore. I do genuinely want to leave it. That said, I need to somewhat function in it till I feel able to leave (hopefully, after my Dad goes first.) I suppose ideally- I'd like better fitness, more motivation but to still retain my ideation.

 

[ConstantPain]

I used to be I don't think it would be enough anymore. I'm already beyond my best years of life and everything is only getting worse.
My Mom used to be a reason to hang on but her dementia is so bad now it's irrelevant. My siblings know enough to not ever bring it up with her, they'd have to tell her over and over and she'd never retain it. It's kind of a humorous thought, actually.
Even the cats are pissing me off so I can go anytime now. They've become the tipping point and I become more jealous of them by the day.