I am a horrible person. But that's not why I want to die.
And not horrible in some nice, sweet, redeemable way. No good story arc here.
I cheated on most of my partners, boyfriends, and even first husband. Pretty much everyone before the age of 30. Slept with countless people and left them easily. Not that I didn't like them or wanted to ruin people's lives but sex never really had any meaning. If someone wanted me to, I would sleep with them, even if I wasn't attracted to them at all. Most of the time I wasn't.
I've broken up marriages. Even my own.
And I had friends, but of course my inability to not be a whore sorta ruined most of those from my early adulthood.
I haven't done any of this in ten years. I met my second husband and bonded with him. Sounds dumb but here we are a decade later and I haven't cheated even when i had opportunities. I think he's the only person that ever cared about me.
The more unhappy I've become over the last two years however I've felt i might just self destruct again. Losing my job has made it worse. So I've walled myself away from everyone. I have no friends now and only speak to 3 people. My mom, son, and husband.
I'm a terrible person so really the only solution is solitary confinement.
I am certain most people who have ever known me would say death would be too good for me. Thank goodness they don't get to make the decision.