Do you think things will get better for me?

[wistfulness]

When I was 15, I started cutting myself. Since then, I would tell myself that once I left for college, things would get better. Before I could even finish the first semester of my senior year, my mother died of cancer, leaving my twin sister and I to care for our disabled father alone (he has Parkinson's).

Some part of me still thought things would get better. After graduating high school (2 years ago), I moved over 700 miles away from my home, effectively cutting me off from everyone I grew up with just to live by my dad's other children - who don't even show up for us when we need them. And recently, the only other adult left that I trust - my godmother - just got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. My dad and her both had falls this week and I honestly just can't take the stress of it.

Every time I start to let myself think that things will get better, I remember every other time I said that and things only got worse. I miss my home and I miss my mom and I know things will never, ever go back to the way they were and I just can't accept that. It will take so much work for me to be happy - for me to accept myself. For me to be able to have healthy relationships with other people (being a lesbian certainly doesn't make it easier).

I'm honestly losing hope that things will ever get better. Should I just jump ship before things get even worse?

 

[N3UR0T1C]

Define things getting better. Obviously, the things that have occurred cannot reverse themselves, but things do tend to feel better with time. It's ultimately your decision if you feel like you can repair your emotional state.

 

[KillingPain267]

It really depends on if you can find something that you are passionate about, helping you be distracted from negative things, stress etc. As for me, I have nothing to wake up to and no dreams that make me excited to fulfill, so I only have negative thoughts daily and barely able to distract myself with nonsense media. Besides, chronic pain will get worse and my body will start falling apart and I get uglier as I age making me even less want to go out, with social anxiety making everything 15 times worse.

But this doesn't have to be you. Maybe you find a partner that fulfills you, a hobby, a job or travelling etc. But unlike normie platitudes I don't say this to advise you to actively "seek a hobby" because it has to be something you naturally spontaneously find enjoyment in.