Do you think it's possible to enjoy your last weeks?

[Hope:-)]

Anyone enjoying their last weeks or enjoying them somewhat? What are you up to? x

 

[mandyjohnuk]

Was think of trekking up to Brecon to a little bothy. No one will be there all winter so will be in my own. Take a week's worth of food. Some booze and of course my N2 set up. Happy days.

 

[thebunny]

not really enjoying them right now, but i have a feeling that i will soon—you know, one last manic episode. i want to go do things that i enjoy doing before i go so perhaps i'll hang out with friends, go on a bender or a trip or both, go to the beach and watch the sunset, etc.

 

[spectraltease]

Anyone enjoying their last weeks or enjoying them somewhat? What are you up to? x

I don't know but I really hope I can enjoy them. Theres a timer in my head and it's ticking. I just think all day about my ctb..
I just try to keep calm and do it.

 

[ManicPanic2018]

I believe so. I have taken sick leave from work with no need to return before I plan to CTB so have a lot of time on my hands currently.

Over the weekend I spent time with my family and had a wonderful time. Stings like a motherfucker knowing that I know it'll be the last time I saw them and I've had to lie to their faces telling them I will be fine, but the last memories they'll have of me should at least be of help to them after I go.

I have no need for money any more, no need to worry about my weight so I can order any food I'd like and not have to worry about menial tasks such as cooking. I can buy anything I want, not that there would be much point given I'll be gone in a few days. I'm waiting on a pizza right now and then will be video calling a friend, and I'm going to watch one of my favourite movies later tonight. Maybe Into The Spiderverse, The Thing or Princess Mononoke. That decision literally feels like the hardest part of my life right now.

The next few days will be more difficult as it's when I've got planned to write my goodbye letters. My plan is to take a bunch of stims and write out my final goodbyes. I'm sure I will be fine though.

Oh, and there's that too. I'm on enough drugs right now to the point that I'm in a permanent chemically induced state of bliss. I take a benzo in the morning, I've got enough weed to last me way beyond my departure date and a shop right next to my flat for all my alcoholic needs. I'm tempted to even take one final acid trip before I go, that'll be one hell of a party to send me off.

The other tasks on my final to do lists are very menial and not stress worthy. Closing accounts, throwing things away, that kind of stuff.

I'll probably be shitting myself scared come the weekend, but for now, I'd say it's entirely possible to enjoy things. I'm sure I'll be vocal enough here on the forum about what those weekend final days will be like, so keep an eye out.

Take a look at this too. I redecorated my flat last night and made it into a super comfy little space. My bedroom is the same with the lighting scheme, fairy lights, etc.
This is where I'm going to cross the bridge. Doesn't it look pretty? It's hard to be scared about when I die knowing I'll be fading into unconsciosness where this is my surroundings.

 

[Hope:-)]

^^^^Your flat is amazing!


Thanks for the responses guys. I have solidified a date mid October. It will have to be at my father's wife's home but I have nowhere else. I'm a bit of a wuss who may call for help even though I don't want any, so that's why I'm doing it somewhere sound proofed. I have about 2 and a half weeks. I'm in a bit of a stupor at the moment which is helping. I was heartened that the nausea I experienced due to benzodiazepines was due to dose. The good part is that even though I vomited I still retained some of it and feel super calm.

The way I see it is that if I don't succeed with my plans I'm just going to keep trying until I do :-)

 

[spectraltease]

I believe so. I have taken sick leave from work with no need to return before I plan to CTB so have a lot of time on my hands currently.

Over the weekend I spent time with my family and had a wonderful time. Stings like a motherfucker knowing that I know it'll be the last time I saw them and I've had to lie to their faces telling them I will be fine, but the last memories they'll have of me should at least be of help to them after I go.

I have no need for money any more, no need to worry about my weight so I can order any food I'd like and not have to worry about menial tasks such as cooking. I can buy anything I want, not that there would be much point given I'll be gone in a few days. I'm waiting on a pizza right now and then will be video calling a friend, and I'm going to watch one of my favourite movies later tonight. Maybe Into The Spiderverse, The Thing or Princess Mononoke. That decision literally feels like the hardest part of my life right now.

The next few days will be more difficult as it's when I've got planned to write my goodbye letters. My plan is to take a bunch of stims and write out my final goodbyes. I'm sure I will be fine though.

Oh, and there's that too. I'm on enough drugs right now to the point that I'm in a permanent chemically induced state of bliss. I take a benzo in the morning, I've got enough weed to last me way beyond my departure date and a shop right next to my flat for all my alcoholic needs. I'm tempted to even take one final acid trip before I go, that'll be one hell of a party to send me off.

The other tasks on my final to do lists are very menial and not stress worthy. Closing accounts, throwing things away, that kind of stuff.

I'll probably be shitting myself scared come the weekend, but for now, I'd say it's entirely possible to enjoy things. I'm sure I'll be vocal enough here on the forum about what those weekend final days will be like, so keep an eye out.

Take a look at this too. I redecorated my flat last night and made it into a super comfy little space. My bedroom is the same with the lighting scheme, fairy lights, etc.
This is where I'm going to cross the bridge. Doesn't it look pretty? It's hard to be scared about when I die knowing I'll be fading into unconsciosness where this is my surroundings.

View attachment 98963

I just loved to read your text!! It gives me hope and confidence for my plan. Thank you for that and your apartment looks too nice.

 

[MakeUpAName4Me]

Anyone enjoying their last weeks or enjoying them somewhat? What are you up to? x

Maybe I'll start enjoying myself when what I need to ctb arrives but until then it's just been pretty shitty

 

[Lost Magic]

I'm not sure anymore. I have very little in life to enjoy now. I have a hotel trip for a few days (during bonfires night). That's mostly just to get away from my usual place during the onslaught of fireworks. The publisher I sent one of my stories to usually takes about 4 months to respond. I don't even want to be around for that length of time in all honesty. I guess if I am still here, a rejection will just push me to the end faster. That's not a bad thing. Other than that, I'll just try to enjoy a few tv shows and movies. I enjoyed my trip to London and the Scottish Highlands last year. This year has been a total nightmare all around. No, my best days(not that I had many) are long behind me. I'm just looking forward to my newest adventure, death, sweet death.

 

[StolenLife]

I think it's possible but not for me as I'll be deep in exams by the time my day comes.

 

[outrider567]

Anyone enjoying their last weeks or enjoying them somewhat? What are you up to? x

I don't enjoy anything

 

[KQuotientW]

Since it still won't stop raining here long enough for me to light charcoal outside, I'm still making my way through the rated movies list on Rotten Tomatoes. Well, what I can find on my apps. I've watched some 85% or higher movies as well.

https://editorial.rottentomatoes.com/guide/100-club-certified-fresh-movies/

I was going to be a filmmaker like my paternal grandfather, but I'll be catching the bus instead. I do love a good movie of any genre.

 

[Hope:-)]

I'm enjoying moments and getting a few moments relief here and there which is all I can ask for. I'm feeling grateful for life and I know death is not the end so there is plenty to look forward to :-)

 

[outrider567]

I believe so. I have taken sick leave from work with no need to return before I plan to CTB so have a lot of time on my hands currently.

Over the weekend I spent time with my family and had a wonderful time. Stings like a motherfucker knowing that I know it'll be the last time I saw them and I've had to lie to their faces telling them I will be fine, but the last memories they'll have of me should at least be of help to them after I go.

I have no need for money any more, no need to worry about my weight so I can order any food I'd like and not have to worry about menial tasks such as cooking. I can buy anything I want, not that there would be much point given I'll be gone in a few days. I'm waiting on a pizza right now and then will be video calling a friend, and I'm going to watch one of my favourite movies later tonight. Maybe Into The Spiderverse, The Thing or Princess Mononoke. That decision literally feels like the hardest part of my life right now.

The next few days will be more difficult as it's when I've got planned to write my goodbye letters. My plan is to take a bunch of stims and write out my final goodbyes. I'm sure I will be fine though.

Oh, and there's that too. I'm on enough drugs right now to the point that I'm in a permanent chemically induced state of bliss. I take a benzo in the morning, I've got enough weed to last me way beyond my departure date and a shop right next to my flat for all my alcoholic needs. I'm tempted to even take one final acid trip before I go, that'll be one hell of a party to send me off.

The other tasks on my final to do lists are very menial and not stress worthy. Closing accounts, throwing things away, that kind of stuff.

I'll probably be shitting myself scared come the weekend, but for now, I'd say it's entirely possible to enjoy things. I'm sure I'll be vocal enough here on the forum about what those weekend final days will be like, so keep an eye out.

Take a look at this too. I redecorated my flat last night and made it into a super comfy little space. My bedroom is the same with the lighting scheme, fairy lights, etc.
This is where I'm going to cross the bridge. Doesn't it look pretty? It's hard to be scared about when I die knowing I'll be fading into unconsciosness where this is my surroundings.

View attachment 98963

Quite colorful

 

[coseymo]

I plan to CTB in another country. I don't enjoy many things anymore, but my eyes can still appreciate the beauty of nature.

 

[Cerulea]

Do I think it's possible? Yeah. Do I think that's what I'll be doing? Not really. My roommate has told me she's going abroad in a few weeks, so that seems like the right timeline for me. It's a little long for my liking but I can't keep running on this hamster wheel. I've got my ducks in a row. I don't have it in me to take this time to do all the things I would have perhaps enjoyed. I just need to get through a couple weeks.

 

[Euthanza]

I think so. Will spend my last days like a rich man -actually I ain't one but renting a luxury accommodation for 1 or 2 days seems feasible since I will not be needing to save money anymore, tired of it already.

The thing that a bit bothers me is that will I be alone? I don't want to cause my partner or anyone else any trouble after I passed away, though I'm getting used to be alone, anyhow so be it.

 

[toasterbath]

with anhedonia nothing even brings me joy anyways. with crippling depression i physically don't even feel like leaving my bed. i don't have much of a life anymore. i ghosted all my friends. not very close with any family. food and music will probably be the last few things i'll get to enjoy before punching the ticket

 

[Shikamaru]

I'm not planning to CTB until around mid November but am feeling much calmer and finding myself enjoying life and appreciating everything around me a lot more since making the decision and accepting that I'm going to end my life. I feel like the stress and 'weight of the world' has been lifted off my shoulders since I know I'll be gone soon.