I thought about it two times. Someone in this forum committed suicide and wrote a note. And he wanted that relatives of him learn about him after his death. I realy sympathized with this person. He was genuinely a good, sensitive and compassionate person from what I have read. Personally, I think I rather want to be forgotten. But I dislike my family. I imagine the funeral so weird and awkward. I am not sure how my friends would have coped with my suicide if I went through it last October. We joked about me committing suicide or what it will be like for them. Tbh if they did not call the police they could have gotten a legal penalty for not stopping me. I wanted to delete the chat but I was not sure whether I would have done it in a state of panic. They always promised never to call my parents or the police but I am certainly not angry with them.
I am not sure whether I want to be forgotten by everyone. I wish my friends could move on. But I don't want to be forgotten by them. I always joked my several thousands posts on Sanctioned Suicide will be my legacy. Combined with the absurd high number of pictures I took for dating apps. When I was younger I hated to take pictures of me and not that many existed. Now I multiplied the number of photos that exist maybe by 30 times?
In my self-help group my crush wanted to talk about children, having a good impact on the world. She said she does not know whether she can fulfill that dream with her career due to her illness but she wants to have a legacy. A good impact on the world (by having children). I replied I tried to be as polite as possible that I think having children is not per se equivalent to having a good impact on the world. I said my abusive parents are a good example for that. Having children comes along with carrying a huge responsibility. You have to give them a good life if you want to have a good impact on the world. (I know many here will even disagree with that). I did not want to bring up antinatalism I think she is already not interested in me. Lol.
About having a legacy I said I think most people don't really have an impact on the world or a real legacy. I said do you remember your great great great great grandmother? How often do you think about her? We will all be forgotten in a couple of generations. There are some historical figures like Hitler, Stalin, Churchill who probably will be remembered for some hundred years. Will they be remembered in 5000 years by many though?
Moreover, do most of them have a good legacy? I brought this up with being forgotten in a couple of generations because someone says that in David Foster Wallace's The Pale King. However, I noticed a contradiction in my personal philosophy. I tend to believe in parts of the chaos theory. I tend to believe that minor changes in history can have a huge, very extreme impact on how history plays out. At the same time I think there is some truth in history does not repeat itself but it rhymes. If I agree with most people don't have a real impact on the world I cannot really believe in parts of the chaos theory. I think the best answer for this contradiction is the following. You will never really know whether you had a positive or good impact on the world. Mabye we can say that about a Hitler or Stalin. But not about the average Joe and Jane. I don't think that most people have a large scope of action. We are mostly a product of our genes and environment. There is some wiggle room where you can decide for yourself. And this can make you either a good or bad person. (somewhat) I think we people in Western industrial societies are part of a large exploitation process of the Southern globe. We are probably guilty in many instances. And some volunteering won't outweight that. But I tend to become way too cynical about that. We have an impact on many lives often without good or bad intentions. Many things happen in life randomly. Our real impact is very hard to evaluate. And a part of it is neither something to feel guilty for nor something to be proud of.
What do you think about it? I think we on here also carry a huge responsibility posting in a suicide forum with many unstable people. I sometimes feel like I am a time bomb and I could explode under the wrong circumstances.
I am not sure whether I want to be forgotten by everyone. I wish my friends could move on. But I don't want to be forgotten by them. I always joked my several thousands posts on Sanctioned Suicide will be my legacy. Combined with the absurd high number of pictures I took for dating apps. When I was younger I hated to take pictures of me and not that many existed. Now I multiplied the number of photos that exist maybe by 30 times?
In my self-help group my crush wanted to talk about children, having a good impact on the world. She said she does not know whether she can fulfill that dream with her career due to her illness but she wants to have a legacy. A good impact on the world (by having children). I replied I tried to be as polite as possible that I think having children is not per se equivalent to having a good impact on the world. I said my abusive parents are a good example for that. Having children comes along with carrying a huge responsibility. You have to give them a good life if you want to have a good impact on the world. (I know many here will even disagree with that). I did not want to bring up antinatalism I think she is already not interested in me. Lol.
About having a legacy I said I think most people don't really have an impact on the world or a real legacy. I said do you remember your great great great great grandmother? How often do you think about her? We will all be forgotten in a couple of generations. There are some historical figures like Hitler, Stalin, Churchill who probably will be remembered for some hundred years. Will they be remembered in 5000 years by many though?
Moreover, do most of them have a good legacy? I brought this up with being forgotten in a couple of generations because someone says that in David Foster Wallace's The Pale King. However, I noticed a contradiction in my personal philosophy. I tend to believe in parts of the chaos theory. I tend to believe that minor changes in history can have a huge, very extreme impact on how history plays out. At the same time I think there is some truth in history does not repeat itself but it rhymes. If I agree with most people don't have a real impact on the world I cannot really believe in parts of the chaos theory. I think the best answer for this contradiction is the following. You will never really know whether you had a positive or good impact on the world. Mabye we can say that about a Hitler or Stalin. But not about the average Joe and Jane. I don't think that most people have a large scope of action. We are mostly a product of our genes and environment. There is some wiggle room where you can decide for yourself. And this can make you either a good or bad person. (somewhat) I think we people in Western industrial societies are part of a large exploitation process of the Southern globe. We are probably guilty in many instances. And some volunteering won't outweight that. But I tend to become way too cynical about that. We have an impact on many lives often without good or bad intentions. Many things happen in life randomly. Our real impact is very hard to evaluate. And a part of it is neither something to feel guilty for nor something to be proud of.
What do you think about it? I think we on here also carry a huge responsibility posting in a suicide forum with many unstable people. I sometimes feel like I am a time bomb and I could explode under the wrong circumstances.
