Venting Do you think it is actually possible for everyone to recover from the effects of child abuse?

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

It feels so frustrating, because I've been in the system for years. Only in the past couple of years is when I actively stopped engaging with psychiatry and psychology services because it was doing me more harm than good- me even stating that fact will be interpreted as 'lack of insight' into my condition I'm sure. Not once did anything I was offered help me with my PTSD and the after effects of being neglected and abused throughout childhood, and adulthood.

I've tried pretty much every drug out there, including psychedelics, nootropics, etc too. I've read books, people's advice online, run the gamut of potential things you can do, but if anything I'm worse off than before I started. The only thing that ever gave me relief was MDMA for about 20 minutes and then it was gone. Whenever I look up information about this problem online, since I have no one to talk to about it, I always come across the same condescending posts like the ones below, expressing the same sentiment over and over that one "chooses" to feel bad and isn't "putting in the work to heal."

Whenever I read the posts in these "healing and recovery" communities it feels more like a cult rather than anything scientifically sound, they just dress up the toxicity in overly saccharine guru language. When someone is not helped by therapy, they do nothing but lambast and shame them, and insinuate the person isn't trying enough and doesn't want "healing." The way I've been treated by others due to having PTSD is a large contributor to my suicidality, and has made me unable to trust people and makes me feel like I'm living in Kafka's metamorphosis.

I remember when I got on the carousel of psych interventions as a young child, how every time I'd be assigned to a new therapist, they just did not know what to do with me. I always needed a specialist, and a "higher level of care", but these things simply did not exist. Even when I became an adult and started living in cities, it was always, oh, we'll refer you to an expert on trauma, don't worry. Wait, there aren't any, deary me, sorry! With the limited information we have at our disposal right now, due to limited advancements in scientific progress, I think you'd be pressed to find any research groups that can claim to understand how PTSD and trauma sustained from early childhood development work on a neural level, or how we can reverse it.

I'm convinced that many of these so called trauma experts online are just taking advantage of vulnerable people too and milking their money, selling them hope rather than solutions. In my own journey with all of this, so to speak, I noticed that many people can eloquently output insight into the condition, i.e. you want xyz because abc happened to you as a child, but they cannot peddle a single solution. It's all analysis into one's behaviours and ruminating over the past, or tenuous theories, but no real treatments. At most, "coping mechanisms" which do little to repair the ruinous state your life is in. Half of the time you can tell the people lecturing you and saying you don't wanna do the work, and how they're so healed now, are still incredibly mentally unstable and aren't being helped by the therapy they are spending hundreds per week on.

All I've heard over and over again, is that you need to "process" the trauma. The human mind operates using a variety of sophisticated biochemical networks and pathways, many of which have solidified into adulthood and cannot be moulded further without a chemical/epigenetic trigger, telling someone some nebulous bs like, "just process the trauma bro" is not only so vague that it doesn't mean anything, but shows a serious lack of understanding into how complicated the brain is. When you have developed around abuse, you cannot simply will yourself to be normal. This field is full of scammers and victim blamers, and I'm tired of people pretending it isn't.

At this point in my life, I sincerely do not believe, with the technology and scientific advancements that we have now which I am well acquainted with due to having a degree in this subject too (this could change in 30 years, but by then it would be too late for me) that certain people like myself can get over the effects of childhood abuse or ever live normal, happy lives. The notion of something like this being fixable in 100% of cases goes against all the evidence I've been shown, time and time again. So why do people act like we are choosing to be suicidal and miserable?

 

[Namelesa]

Its really terrible to put the blame on people with trauma and say they are the reason for still having it. They haven't asked for this and its someone else's fault for it. We shouldn't have to be forced to put effort to fix something that wasn't our fault. I think it can depend on the individual and whether they can recover or not and how difficult it is and whether its worth it. There's the possibility for people to recover from their trauma but its not guaranteed so it understandable to to not want to take that chance on continuing life and see whether you will recover or not.

 

[Darkover]

my parents never took me to the dentist by the time i was 18 i had 22 cavities and due to my poor metal health i also neglected my self resulting in 5 of my molar teeth completely decaying by the age of 28

 

[Forever Sleep]

The really disappointing thing is- it feels like it's impossible to know for sure. Like- with other organs- the heart, kidneys, even the brain- I imagine doctors have a much clearer idea on what is achievable given current medicine.

With our response to trauma though, it all seems so much more woolly. It could extend to other traits- can we predict who out there is likely to become a serial killer? Are there measures we can take to set them on a different path? Why are some people maybe more defined by their experiences than others?

Really though- when a person has tried so many different treatments for so long, it really feels like the medical professionals who should be conceding that their expertise isn't working this time round. It seems so unfair to victim blame.

I suppose I know myself it would be worthless for me to seek out therapy. Because I know I'm so resistent to change or challenging myself now. So, in my case, I'd be willing to cocede it's because I'm not willing to help myself.

I guess we all know ourselves best though. It does sound very much like some members here have forced themselves through several hoops of fire to no major avail. I would think- just putting themselves through it in the first place shows some level of investment. If they've really tried hard at everything presented to them, I can't see how it's all on them that none of it had enough positive effect.

 

[Seiba]

Everyone? I don't think so -- the message of the reddit page that it's simply a matter of the mind and wanting to is a bit idealistic. Completely understand the bit about the lackluster help of the services as well -- every single time I've looked it up online it's been the same as well. No actual solutions, you have to solve everything yourself, you supposedly get what you put in work wise. They can't help you with anything but "learning" what your problems are and being "on the journey with you" while you have to try to solve everything yourself and put in the work.

I've done similar lurking to you it sounds like and I've seen the it gets better if you want to get better, you're not giving the therapists/the meds a chance, what's more important than the actual problem solving treatment is your relationship with the therapist and so on everywhere. The web is really empty for anyone who is suicidal long term and can't find a way to enjoy life. I've almost given up on ever looking anything up but sometimes habit gets the better of me.

I tried therapy last year and it was a let down. Getting told to download a free app for meditation, no real understanding of suicide beyond asking me if I'd kill myself soon, didn't bother with methods (which is probably for the best) and when the meditation app doesn't do anything because I've tried months of meditation on and off "hm I guess just keep doing it and keep me informed" Family issues boil down to "it sounds like your family doesn't do much for much for you so they should be willing to do *unsolicited advice suggestion* for you"

Can't imagine going to therapist after therapist, honestly. I know you've had people tell you that you haven't done X thing enough but you have honestly tried a lot of treatments and I don't think anyone can fault you for not things working out. I think people also like to pigeon hole people into mental health treatment because out of the norm emotional dispositions and experiences make other people uncomfortable. A fantasy where all problems are just worked away one hour at a time in a private room while family and friends make no sacrifices.

Problems of the mind are also one of the only problems I know of that aren't accepted somewhat. For most other problems if you explained them and the long term nature of them most people will on some level understand you. Emotional and mental problems are however tied fundamentally to the state of your moral character by many. I understand you said you have no one to talk to about it -- you can always message me on the discord or on here if you want to. I'm not the best with social things but I'll listen to you without platitudes about anything randomly transforming if you do the same thing for the hundredth time.

I would check in with you here and there so you don't feel alone during it so often -- but I don't really know your boundaries about stuff like that.