Discussion Do You Think Dying is Always Painful?

[k75]

Say you go by N or F.

Have you ever been under anesthesia?

It's like the same thing, the doctors were cutting in your body and you didn't feel a thing. That's because the medicine they give you interrupts nerve signals in your brain and body. It prevents your brain from processing pain and from remembering what happened during your surgery.

So like, what about people who die during surgery? They for sure didn't feel any pain right? Or do you think they did?

I have been under anesthesia several times. In fact the biggest reason I'm here right now is because of a major botched surgery, so I definitely know how that feels. And that would be a great way to go because you absolutely would have no idea because you're put under by the anesthesia. But N is almost impossible to get right now and it's prohibitively expensive for a lot of people anyway.

The most feasible methods right now all involve a level of pain or discomfort. Even with N, you at least have to deal with the taste which technically is not a big deal, but I still think it would suck to have that be your last experience as you die.

There is no anesthesia available for 95% of the methods. And they all have a line that you cross where you are completely out of control of the situation and just have to suffer through whatever happens for as long as it happens. It could be fast or it could be an agonizing amount of time and you just can't do anything about it.

 

[Robbyna]

I have been under anesthesia several times. In fact the biggest reason I'm here right now is because of a major botched surgery, so I definitely know how that feels. And that would be a great way to go because you absolutely would have no idea because you're put under by the anesthesia. But N is almost impossible to get right now and it's prohibitively expensive for a lot of people anyway.

The most feasible methods right now all involve a level of pain or discomfort. Even with N, you at least have to deal with the taste which technically is not a big deal, but I still think it would suck to have that be your last experience as you die.

There is no anesthesia available for 95% of the methods. And they all have a line that you cross where you are completely out of control of the situation and just have to suffer through whatever happens for as long as it happens. It could be fast or it could be an agonizing amount of time and you just can't do anything about it.

Crossing that threshold where I have no control is such a scary thought. If it's compounded with pain it would be absolutely terrifying.

 

[transgenderfailure]

I have been under anesthesia several times. In fact the biggest reason I'm here right now is because of a major botched surgery, so I definitely know how that feels. And that would be a great way to go because you absolutely would have no idea because you're put under by the anesthesia. But N is almost impossible to get right now and it's prohibitively expensive for a lot of people anyway.

The most feasible methods right now all involve a level of pain or discomfort. Even with N, you at least have to deal with the taste which technically is not a big deal, but I still think it would suck to have that be your last experience as you die.

There is no anesthesia available for 95% of the methods. And they all have a line that you cross where you are completely out of control of the situation and just have to suffer through whatever happens for as long as it happens. It could be fast or it could be an agonizing amount of time and you just can't do anything about it.

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm sorry that you have to be here because of a botched surgery. :c

And I truly hope you can find a peaceful method. Maybe don't go if you don't have a peaceful method. Is it possible to save for a bit until you can afford to purchase N from A? I agree about the taste thing, honestly, it's scary as peep, but I feel like I'd rather have an appalling taste which you can wash away, then any kind of physical pain.

I heard A he was back in business.. but I am not sure if that's true. I'll have to checkout the megathread for that.

 

[Soul]

I wish the thought had never entered my mind, but there it is, holding me back.

I know that feeling. All I can offer is that since we don't know what (if anything) we'll feel, and don't know how to change anything about it, there's no point in fretting about it.

Maybe you can chant or sing the fretful brooding away - change the fret tape to something less distressing, you know?

 

[Robbyna]

I know that feeling. All I can offer is that since we don't know what (if anything) we'll feel, and don't know how to change anything about it, there's no point in fretting about it.

Maybe you can chant or sing the fretful brooding away - change the fret tape to something less distressing, you know?

I promise to try!

 

[Readytogo227]

Btw I don't agree with the notion "you'll forget about these thoughts when your life is bad enough", your life can be awful, like genuinenly a shitshow, and you can still be an anxiety bomb, obsessing over these small details, no matter what you're going through, the unknown is always scary, so it's okay that you are feeling worried.

<3

I feel this so much. I plan to ctb using the night night method but am terrified with "what if I feel myself suffocating?" Even if it doesn't make perfect sense, I'm still absolutely terrified of something going wrong.

 

[k75]

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm sorry that you have to be here because of a botched surgery. :c

And I truly hope you can find a peaceful method. Maybe don't go if you don't have a peaceful method. Is it possible to save for a bit until you can afford to purchase N from A? I agree about the taste thing, honestly, it's scary as peep, but I feel like I'd rather have an appalling taste which you can wash away, then any kind of physical pain.

I heard A he was back in business.. but I am not sure if that's true. I'll have to checkout the megathread for that.

Thank you. It really does suck, because I feel like someone else stole my life from me and I can't get it back no matter what I do. People told me time will heal and I have tried, and I'm in therapy and everything, but it's not enough because I have to live with this body and I have to see it constantly and just existing is a reminder of what I lost. I have a problem with grief, where instead of going through the whole grieving process I get stuck in the depressed part and dwell on it. It's been 8 years, and I'm still grieving myself.

It's one of the things that keeps me up at night, wondering whether I want to invest in N and wait that long and a million other things. For me, it seems like an appealing dream but not something that's very realistic. So I'm looking at all the options, and they all suck. So I'm just researching and trying to choose the least awful way to go.

 

[transgenderfailure]

I feel this so much. I plan to ctb using the night night method but am terrified with "what if I feel myself suffocating?" Even if it doesn't make perfect sense, I'm still absolutely terrified of something going wrong.

It's okay to be terrified. I would even go as far as saying that it's normal to be scared to die. I think everyone who is conscious moments before dying is scared of what is happening/is going to happen.

And.. the thing is, we don't know what happens. And we will never know whilst we are alive. But what we do know is that usually when the dying process has started, it doesn't take long to end you.

Thank you. It really does suck, because I feel like someone else stole my life from me and I can't get it back no matter what I do. People told me time will heal and I have tried, and I'm in therapy and everything, but it's not enough because I have to live with this body and I have to see it constantly and just existing is a reminder of what I lost. I have a problem with grief, where instead of going through the whole grieving process I get stuck in the depressed part and dwell on it. It's been 8 years, and I'm still grieving myself.

It's one of the things that keeps me up at night, wondering whether I want to invest in N and wait that long and a million other things. For me, it seems like an appealing dream but not something that's very realistic. So I'm looking at all the options, and they all suck. So I'm just researching and trying to choose the least awful way to go.

I wish you a painless way to go... you've been through a lot already, your last moments should be in peace.

I wanted to ask... because you seem to be really aware of the issues that you have. Have you tried therapy specifically and intensely focused on the grief part? Maybe your current therapist just doesn't cut it and maybe you need someone more specialized?

Also about the N part, I know the whole process is daunting, but N is really one of the best options, imo. I would consider that over anything else you may be thinking of.

Sorry if I seem intrusive/ I wish you the best <3 And honestly if you ever need to talk my DM's are always open.

 

[k75]

It's okay to be terrified. I would even go as far as saying that it's normal to be scared to die. I think everyone who is conscious moments before dying is scared of what is happening/is going to happen.

And.. the thing is, we don't know what happens. And we will never know whilst we are alive. But what we do know is that usually when the dying process has started, it doesn't take long to end you.


I wish you a painless way to go... you've been through a lot already, your last moments should be in peace.

I wanted to ask... because you seem to be really aware of the issues that you have. Have you tried therapy specifically and intensely focused on the grief part? Maybe your current therapist just doesn't cut it and maybe you need someone more specialized?

Also about the N part, I know the whole process is daunting, but N is really one of the best options, imo. I would consider that over anything else you may be thinking of.

Sorry if I seem intrusive/ I wish you the best <3 And honestly if you ever need to talk my DM's are always open.

Thank you so much. You're not being intrusive at all and I don't mind your questions. I'm actually just kind of happy that someone cares enough to ask. Do you mind if I just randomly vent sometime?

I haven't been to a grief therapist yet, but I've been trying to find one in my area. I have a lot of other things going on that complicates my situation, like severe PTSD from the medical issues and just major depression and anxiety so it's just like I am one big ball of disorder. I've been through 10 therapists so far, and my current one is by far the worst so I am in the market for a new one.

It is hard, because I know exactly what most of my problems are stemming from and I know the exact dates that everything went bad for me. I know what my issues are, I just don't know how to solve them, my therapists don't know how to solve them, and I don't know how to live with them. And on top of all that, I have these suicidal urges constantly, just all the time and I can't get rid of them so I ended up here...

 

[lospollos]

No one will ever know. Hiwever once you are dead... you're dead so what doesn't it matter. Fuck it

 

[transgenderfailure]

Thank you so much. You're not being intrusive at all and I don't mind your questions. I'm actually just kind of happy that someone cares enough to ask. Do you mind if I just randomly vent sometime?

I haven't been to a grief therapist yet, but I've been trying to find one in my area. I have a lot of other things going on that complicates my situation, like severe PTSD from the medical issues and just major depression and anxiety so it's just like I am one big ball of disorder. I've been through 10 therapists so far, and my current one is by far the worst so I am in the market for a new one.

It is hard, because I know exactly what most of my problems are stemming from and I know the exact dates that everything went bad for me. I know what my issues are, I just don't know how to solve them, my therapists don't know how to solve them, and I don't know how to live with them. And on top of all that, I have these suicidal urges constantly, just all the time and I can't get rid of them so I ended up here...

Of course I don't mind. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you though, I will do my best to lend you an ear, I can relate to your struggles in a way...