Do you think back at your suicide attempt?

[CatLove56]

Every year I have the habit of remembering what I was doing around this time because it's coming up to 4 years since my attempt. What job I had, good co workers I had, the horrible people I had to deal with, games I played, etc.

I probably still wouldn't have done it knowing what happened since then because I'm morbidly curious to see what happens next.

This site was back on Reddit and other variation subswhich of course are gone along with many other subs due to cry babies. None the less I'm glad this stick around. I get the occasional dick on here but it's mostly supportive folks. I suck at giving advice I try to but mostly I vent.

Anyway hope y'all are well I'm rattling on while drunk

 

[Apricity]

I think about it sometimes, it was disastrous. I tried to OD on morphine pills and Klonopin. Had a reaction to the Klonopin that made me black out and go berserk. Ex told me that when I realized the pills didn't work, I tried to open wrist with a pair of kitchen shears, and then smashed myself in the head with a hammer. Cops got there and I challenged them to shoot me. It was a mess.

 

[FuneralCry]

I did not get very far in my attempt. I was very desperate though and I can remember how I felt on that day. I wish I left then. If only it was easier to ctb. I wanted to leave by hanging but at the time I was scared of failure and I was not prepared. Eventually I will get there.

 

[MeltedJello]

I had attempted partial hanging 2 months ago, and ever since that day, I've always looked back on it. It was the closest I've gotten to passing out, however, survival instinct kicked in and my legs stood up. Looking back, it felt as if I had no control over my legs. I still wished I succeeded that day. Just waiting now, for a perfect chance to ctb via full suspension.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I had attempted partial hanging 2 months ago, and ever since that day, I've always looked back on it. It was the closest I've gotten to passing out, however, survival instinct kicked in and my legs stood up. Looking back, it felt as if I had no control over my legs. I still wished I succeeded that day. Just waiting now, for a perfect chance to ctb via full suspension.

Oh man, I attempted like month ago via partial and had same problem. I will go for full suspension too. Rather soonish

 

[odradek]

I often do. My methods were somewhat dumb but my mindset was on point. If I knew then what I know now I'd probably be gone. I wish I could recall that desperate focus and just finish the job now. I wish I could have some of that whiskey too...

 

[fox_wannabe]

I often do. My methods were somewhat dumb but my mindset was on point. If I knew then what I know now I'd probably be gone. I wish I could recall that desperate focus and just finish the job now. I wish I could have some of that whiskey too...

what was the method?

 

[AnxiousAngel21]

I look back at my attempts in diff ways, one I find comical but also same time ashamed of, in my 20s I decided would be good idea to drink bleach, way before I found this site, and I made a glass of it and added alcohol. I held my nose to mask taste but no need, no sooner than was down was back up again, the speed was quite impressive, and I ended up on all fours slipping n sliding in my own bleachy vomit. Wasn't my hottest moment for sure and because came thru nose too, my gag reflex still gets excited to this day if smell bleach

 

[odradek]

what was the method?

Very dumb. Sleeping pills and a bag at first. Then hanging with an insecure anchor point. And final manual strangulation. All dismal failures. More recently it's just being full suspension (with a secure anchor point now) with an inability to kick the bucket, so to speak. I've lost that mindset though that had for those first 3 attempts.

 

[Bedrock48]

Oh man all the time. Most of it is triggered by things that were somehow involved in said attempts. Some of those are about pretty gross things I don't think I'll go into detail on here.

A lot of the reminiscing is abouts feelings at the time too. Physical feelings like the edge of my mattress under my feet. Emotional feelings, some positive some negative.

I think also sometimes cope by mentally going back and reliving some of them.

 

[fultron12]

Yup, April earlier this year (4/20 to be exact lol)

I took 600mg of my zoloft, 875mg of benadryl, then drove my car 200 yards off a steep road embankment, rolled into a tree without a seat belt. I didn't even pass out. At that point I grabbed my pocket knife and slashed my wrists pretty good, that was when the benadryl kicked in and I fainted in the snow.

Fucking get this. After ALL that, even sleeping in the snow for 8 hours, the ONLY injury I had was my cut wrists.

James Bond couldn't have survived what I put myself through without at least some bad injuries.

I remember the ER nurse sewing up my wrists literally said to me "how the hell did you survive all that without a scratch??" As she aggressively scrubbed my wrists.

My mom told me that "God was looking out for me" wanna know my theory? My first tattoo is on my shoulder, it says "IDDQD"..... it's a cheat code for the game Doom, it gives you invincibility

 

[CatLove56]

I often do. My methods were somewhat dumb but my mindset was on point. If I knew then what I know now I'd probably be gone. I wish I could recall that desperate focus and just finish the job now. I wish I could have some of that whiskey too...

I tried to buy alcohol on a Sunday night and my dumbass forgot stores can't. I sort of took it as a sign and then my pistol jammed. I eventually fixed it but chose to go on.

Yup, April earlier this year (4/20 to be exact lol)

I took 600mg of my zoloft, 875mg of benadryl, then drove my car 200 yards off a steep road embankment, rolled into a tree without a seat belt. I didn't even pass out. At that point I grabbed my pocket knife and slashed my wrists pretty good, that was when the benadryl kicked in and I fainted in the snow.

Fucking get this. After ALL that, even sleeping in the snow for 8 hours, the ONLY injury I had was my cut wrists.

James Bond couldn't have survived what I put myself through without at least some bad injuries.

I remember the ER nurse sewing up my wrists literally said to me "how the hell did you survive all that without a scratch??" As she aggressively scrubbed my wrists.

My mom told me that "God was looking out for me" wanna know my theory? My first tattoo is on my shoulder, it says "IDDQD"..... it's a cheat code for the game Doom, it gives you invincibility

Hardcore man I commend your effort

 

[fox_wannabe]

My mom told me that "God was looking out for me" wanna know my theory? My first tattoo is on my shoulder, it says "IDDQD"..... it's a cheat code for the game Doom, it gives you invincibility

Oh man... This is intense. The last part is kinda ironic I would say. I hope you didn't suffer much thanks to drugs you took

Very dumb. Sleeping pills and a bag at first. Then hanging with an insecure anchor point. And final manual strangulation. All dismal failures. More recently it's just being full suspension (with a secure anchor point now) with an inability to kick the bucket, so to speak. I've lost that mindset though that had for those first 3 attempts.

I do not like anything involved with bags. And kicking the bucket is really hard. I learned there are some parts of us that want to think about death without having a strength to really die. you must be really trained to end your life.

 

[Hurt]

I never attempted but sometimes I regret that I haven't done it yet. Life didn't get better as some people said to me.

 

[Freedom Believer]

Yes, I'm glad I didn't do it because it wouldn't have worked anyways. The "night-night" method sounds nice and if you get the sweet spot it feels euphoric (I just did it right now with my hands and your brain gets all fuzzy and it feels so good). I could almost hear my beloved at that moment, calling for me to join her on the other side. Unfortunately, nothing but my hands got me to that moment and using the ratchet is loud as hell.

I didn't attempt suicide for months because I thought life would get better, and it did, until it didn't.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

With much regret and anger. The intent was to die young, but because I am still alive I have grown old. It is very depressing.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Yes.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I never actually attempted but I had a solid plan, even though my method was not going to work.

I think about it sometimes. Usually I think that I'm glad I didn't do it. I was 14 back then and my plan was stupid. I also didn't prepare properly.

I do wish I did it earlier though, at around 17 or 18, knowing what I know now and having money to get N.