Busticket
Student
- May 18, 2021
- 185
I have a little hope I can still change my life.
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BeansOfRequirement
Man-child, loser, autistic, etc.
- Jan 26, 2021
- 5,788
No chance. Absolutely no possibility of getting my needs met in this life. Everything that I can do is completely irrelevant to getting what I actually need.
PeacefulRest
Member
- Sep 26, 2020
- 13
It's a good question, thanks.
For myself, I come here when I am feeling most hopeless, and this is also when I feel that I am closest to embracing my own death in my own way and my own time.
Usually, this passes and I drift away, which makes me a terrible contributor to this vital forum, but we all do the best we can, and chronic depression is relentless and hard.
For myself, I come here when I am feeling most hopeless, and this is also when I feel that I am closest to embracing my own death in my own way and my own time.
Usually, this passes and I drift away, which makes me a terrible contributor to this vital forum, but we all do the best we can, and chronic depression is relentless and hard.
deepinlimbo
I want to Insert something profound here
- May 30, 2021
- 146
I'm desperate for a shred off hope. When the next day rolls round I hope my issues have gone away or I don't have anything else to worry about.
it's so exhausting, I really want to turn my life around but my mind and body won't let me, it's like a car that's destined for the scrap heap but you still keep driving it for some strange reason. I guess I can't trade myself in like a car.
it's only natural to want to find some Hope and something to cling onto. Same reason why I'm sure some of us on here haven't ctb. We just want to wait a bit longer, just in case. But like my case am I waiting to long? I don't know…
it's so exhausting, I really want to turn my life around but my mind and body won't let me, it's like a car that's destined for the scrap heap but you still keep driving it for some strange reason. I guess I can't trade myself in like a car.
it's only natural to want to find some Hope and something to cling onto. Same reason why I'm sure some of us on here haven't ctb. We just want to wait a bit longer, just in case. But like my case am I waiting to long? I don't know…
That's good though, I hope you can. I don't know your circumstances so I'm just hoping it's something conquerable.
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logan
Warlock
- May 20, 2021
- 705
Yes, that's really a good question ...
Hope is fading more and more every day.
In my case, probably only a miracle can help.
Hope is fading more and more every day.
In my case, probably only a miracle can help.
I know I can't. I've tried to get the right kind of help for 50 years. I'm almost 60. I'm holding on just to see if I get accepted to a program in Switzerland.
I'm existing minute by minute. In bed. Alone
I'm existing minute by minute. In bed. Alone
http-410
nowhere
- Sep 12, 2020
- 1,082
Scribble Fan
I'm out!
- May 30, 2019
- 815
I don't want to turn my life around anymore, I just want to die
saltshaker
salt shaker, rule breaker
- Jan 29, 2021
- 402
Yeah but it's kind of hard to tell if it's real or just drug/alcohol induced mania.
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lex
Just another statistic
- Jul 7, 2020
- 49
If I had, I wouldn't be on this site.
LastLoveLetter
Persephone
- Mar 28, 2021
- 654
My situation sadly can't be turned around. My disabilities and illnesses are incurable and permanent.
The best I can hope for is quality treatment. I have applied for specialist treatment but the decision is not in my hands. It will not be feasible privately. If my application is approved, I may be able to manage for a few more years if symptoms are significantly reduced. If it is rejected, I suspect I'll be dead within a couple of months or so.
My hope is that I can acquire treatment that adequately addresses both my physical and psychological suffering, to a degree where I can function better on a day-to-day basis. I am mostly bedbound at the moment, so just the ability to get around more would make a difference.
It will not save me or stop my suicide, but it will improve the longevity and quality of my life enough for me to have some good memories before I go. It will also buy me extra time to get my affairs in order in the way I want to.
Without that, I will be fighting against a clock I cannot see. I know my time is limited, I know my health will continue to deteriorate, but I cannot accurately estimate how gradually or quickly this may happen or at what rate. It means that I feel tremendous pressure to take my life sooner rather than later, lest I lose the capacity to do so in future.
The best I can hope for is quality treatment. I have applied for specialist treatment but the decision is not in my hands. It will not be feasible privately. If my application is approved, I may be able to manage for a few more years if symptoms are significantly reduced. If it is rejected, I suspect I'll be dead within a couple of months or so.
My hope is that I can acquire treatment that adequately addresses both my physical and psychological suffering, to a degree where I can function better on a day-to-day basis. I am mostly bedbound at the moment, so just the ability to get around more would make a difference.
It will not save me or stop my suicide, but it will improve the longevity and quality of my life enough for me to have some good memories before I go. It will also buy me extra time to get my affairs in order in the way I want to.
Without that, I will be fighting against a clock I cannot see. I know my time is limited, I know my health will continue to deteriorate, but I cannot accurately estimate how gradually or quickly this may happen or at what rate. It means that I feel tremendous pressure to take my life sooner rather than later, lest I lose the capacity to do so in future.
Hope is a motherfucker. It gives you a little tease in life and you think, "Oh my god, this is the sign that my life is turning around", and then when you're blinded by hope, it turns you around and fucks you in the ass while whispering in your ear, "Gotcha again you idiot." I try not let hope fuck me as much as life has. Being double-fucked isn't a good for my mental health so I try to be as real as I can. Optimism isn't welcomed in my life.
western_heart
trying to save ourself
- May 23, 2021
- 622
Not really, but others around me think I can and I'm going along with it for now.
Nope. My life can't get better. There's nothing left to do. Wouldn't be here if there was hope.
Efilismislife
Psychopath family tortured me
- May 25, 2021
- 642
Good for you
But I fed up of false hope and denial. Only to get crushed by it.
Those are escapism, defensive mechanism only to cope. But it doesnt really needed if you can just face the reality. Besides it doesnt matter what you hope, what matters is what happen in reality. Just keep it real.
Although its hard....
But I fed up of false hope and denial. Only to get crushed by it.
Those are escapism, defensive mechanism only to cope. But it doesnt really needed if you can just face the reality. Besides it doesnt matter what you hope, what matters is what happen in reality. Just keep it real.
Although its hard....
S like Siren
Enlightened
- Apr 29, 2021
- 1,556
Deep down I know there is nothing left to do, and that the best thing is to die, but the mind and the survival instinct is really strong and the mind is a piece of shit fucking bastard and it plays cruel tricks with me making me believe with various illusions that my life can still change.It's a cruel torture.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 42,492
No. If I tried to convince myself to have hope it would be unrealistic and soon be taken away because this life is cruel. The truth is I have never wanted to be alive and I think I was never meant to be alive. I believe I was perfectly fine not existing. My mind and body are very tired and I already have health problems at a young age. I have struggled through life and my suicide is inevitable. The future scares me honestly and old age is my worst nightmare. Whatever happens I will never grow old.
I'm actually change my life right now for the better!
However, I'll probably ctb before my 40s.
I don't wanna be around this goddamn blue rock any longer.
However, I'll probably ctb before my 40s.
I don't wanna be around this goddamn blue rock any longer.
Barely. Hope becomes less and less. The ship is sinking and I am panicking.
Shadowgeist
Member
- Jun 1, 2021
- 40
This exactly! Everyday that goes by, my hope dwindles more and more. There is barely any left at this point, not even sure if there is some at all honestly. I feel the panic and fear setting in. Once all hope is gone, I will CTB. And I feel that it is coming soon at this point. I am Scared to die, but more scared of living.
Weary Soul
Soon I will be free
- Nov 13, 2019
- 1,155
Nope, it is too painful to hope anymore - so when that emotion tries to crop up I stomp it back down. I have to be realistic at this point.
I do not want to die, but I can no longer support myself because of the assaults and I absolutely know I will not survive on the streets given my age, gender, and illness... so I have one option left unless some miracle occurs. And it seems miracles are hard to come by these days. I am done and soon.
I do not want to die, but I can no longer support myself because of the assaults and I absolutely know I will not survive on the streets given my age, gender, and illness... so I have one option left unless some miracle occurs. And it seems miracles are hard to come by these days. I am done and soon.
ihatemen420
weed addict, antinatalist, loser
- Jan 8, 2021
- 30
I could turn my life around but I don't want to. I don't really see the point. I don't need to be happy or healthy or successful. Nothing bad will happen if I'm not.
LastFlowers
the haru that can read
- Apr 27, 2019
- 2,170
Largeletters
Alone
- Jan 21, 2020
- 640
I'm not really sure... I don't see myself having a future.
Squalo
A Fatal Mistake
- Jan 14, 2021
- 657
0utsider
Member
- Dec 9, 2020
- 37
Very likely not.
I hit rock bottom in a third world country that doesn't give two fucks about its citizens. I have access to nearly no opportunity anymore after I got deported, and I don't have the energy to try anymore.
I hit rock bottom in a third world country that doesn't give two fucks about its citizens. I have access to nearly no opportunity anymore after I got deported, and I don't have the energy to try anymore.
RedPanda
One day we shall be free from this mortal coil.
- Jul 16, 2019
- 237
it's_all_a_game
I remember...death in the afternoon...
- Nov 7, 2020
- 356
I have very little hope whatsoever anymore. It makes me sad, because I won't get to write my fiction that i spent so much effort on. It's kinda fitting, though, because most of my stories are about how harsh and brutal this Earth is, and I was (indirectly) killed by this harsh, brutal world before I got the chance to write them.
