Do you self sabotage?

[FallFadesIntoWinter]

Do you find yourself self sabotaging things in your life?

Is it rarely, sometimes, frequently or always?

 

[jodes2]

I sabotage my health big time. And I've failed everything I've tried to do

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think I self sabotage quite a bit but maybe I've got the definition wrong.

My lack of confidence usually shows up to make me self sabotage but I also seem to make things much harder than they need to be for myself. I try to tell myself it's because I'm pushing myself to be better but it usually ends up just tripping me up.

 

[ineverlived]

self sabotage is the biggest reason about why im here. i dont even know why im sabotaging myself i just do for no reason and it will kill me finally

 

[BipolarExpress]

I use food—either eating the wrong foods, spending too much money on food, or depriving myself of food—as a form of self-sabotage. It's a less obvious form of self-harm than cutting.

 

[deadliftEnjoyer]

Always
Before, I did it because of my lack of confidence
Today, it has taken an "uglier" algorithm:
> If I don't sabotage myself, I may get wins
> If I get wins, I get less suicidal for a while
> If I get less suicidal, my suffering will only be prolonged

 

[its-about-time]

Frequently, but I do try to keep myself from it. Seem to be in a current big ol self sabotaging string though. Spending all my money, starting fights with loved ones, just not caring. What's the worst that happens, I kill myself??

 

[Notcatchingthebusbe]

I used to, but not anymore because nothing can take the pain away unless I CTB.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I never really purposely cause more suffering, there is no desire or need to do this, life is already an awful enough experience without me doing anything to make it worse. I don't want life to get worse than it already is but of course this will inevitably happen in the future which is why the thought of permanent non existence appeals to me so much as I don't want to be there when life gets more horrific. Nowhere in this world could ever offer relief from suffering.

 

[-Tandem-]

I do it constantly. I've hated myself since I was about 12. I've self-sabotaged to the point where I enjoy it. Fantasizing about hanging myself gives me an excited gut feeling. Like a roller coaster would. I've cut for decades because I enjoy it. I quit jobs and destroy relationships because I enjoy it. I quit social media about 10yrs ago and isolate myself because it hurts and I enjoy it.

It's almost as if I'm 2 separate people (i'm not schizo) and I want to torture and bully the other person so badly that they'll eventually kill themself. That person fucking disgusts me…but that person is me.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

That's how I've been living the past few years. I've driven myself into a hole that I can't be extricated out of.

 

[TheCyberian]

Maybe. I don't consciously do it on purpose, but I feel like my mental illness does all of the sabotaging for me. It's like there's a self-destructive demon piloting my brain telling me to drink, do drugs, waste my money, and sleep all day. Rationally, I know it's my fault but I can't help but think that it's out of my control.

 

[iwantdeath6969]

i do everything in my power to ensure that i'm having as bad of a time as i possibly can. my only purpose in life is to make life miserable for myself until i finally get the chance to end my life. i'm hoping to ctb in the most gruesome way i can possibly stand to do it

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Letting my teeth rot and my body deteriorate laying on the couch all day, unpaid bills …

 

[UnlimitedPain]

@Fadeawaaaay @Forever Sleep am the same your not alone.

I remember when I was in therapy being asked if I self harm and upon further discussions, I learned I did psychological through neglect & self sabotage. Been doing it subconsciously from young

 

[imcurious]

I answered always. I have self-sabotaged myself out of genuinely good opportunities in life. However, it is never done in conscience. I think that's more of the problem.

I think I'm lucky enough to say that my few romantic encounters in life were not bad experiences. Which men who have shown great interest in me are not inherently bad people. Each had a decent amount of understanding, care, and kindness for others. Due to my anxious-avoidant tendencies (they seem to get worse as I get older), I would slowly yet eventually push away each man, emotionally and physically. I don't know why I do it. Because my self-esteem is so wrecked that I unconsciously feel I don't deserve them? Regardless of that, my guess is that my push-and-pull behavior leaves them to wonder where they stand in life, and well, they can only stick around for so long. I cannot blame them for giving up.

I have self-sabotaged certain friendships too. This has happened twice. Both friendships started with them initiating their interest in me. I enjoyed their presence, humor, and personalities very much. Yet as time went on, I stopped responding to their messages, or at the very least, would take a very long time to respond. Or, I would turn down their invites to hang out. Again I have absolutely no idea why I do this or how to stop.

I can rattle on forever about the more nuanced opportunities for a more fulfilling, emotionally-rich life that I have self-robbed, but I won't.

I guess I have a vague idea about why I self-sabotage—certain childhood experiences, abandonment issues, amongst other reasons and origins. I just can't pinpoint why I can't stop self-sabotaging, and why I have no urge or motivation to keep good people around. It's bizarre.

 

[another@]

Yes, on this forum I have been posting ever crazier posts until no responses and then getting sad that no one likes me. It's a thing I do a lot, nowadays I don't talk to anyone much. I also deny compliments. I read online that it is a symptom of Bipolar from when you are conditioned by neglectful or abusive parent to self sabotage to minimize pain from loss. Fits the bill pretty well for me. When I do try and someone says they care about me I just feel empty. I guess all my knowledge about my situation comes flooding back to me and I don't believe that anyone would actually care.. So it's what I do. Even if they say they do I just won't believe them. Emptyness.