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Harasaki

Harasaki

Member
Oct 21, 2019
76
I feel so resentful that I was born, it was one chance in one million and I got unlucky enough to be here. I can't help but blame my parents for my miserable existence.

I also feel guilty that I don't enjoy life and the opportunities they gave me, I feel like any other person in my shoes would be doing great in life, with lots of friends, a good job and college like my brother, instead I'm in my room all day long playing, being depressed and planning how to ctb. It will break their heart when I do, but I didn't ask to be here and I hate being alive, I'm disgusted by my body and physiological needs, I hate the society I live in, I hate the shithole country where I was born, I hate most people, I hate studying, I wish I was never born...

Does anyone feel the same way?
 
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O

opeth98

Member
Feb 10, 2022
28
My dad abandoned me when I was born and my mom was a drug addict who died when I was 12, she was also unemployed when she had me. Probably had me just to collect some benefits. I was born severely ugly and I have been bullied all my life.
What were these people thinking?
 
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LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
2,170
Yes, but not only that, it's more about the aftermath and how they treated me and my suffering under disadvantages and detriments they imposed on me, before and after the rest of the world's wolves got to my soon-to-be carcass.
If they had regretted their decision wholeheartedly and not blamed me for things I had no hand in, or did not start, and if they had not wasted more of my years, been so negligent, so apathetic and withholding, then perhaps I would not have nearly as much resentment as I do toward them.
 
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Harasaki

Harasaki

Member
Oct 21, 2019
76
My dad abandoned me when I was born and my mom was a drug addict who died when I was 12, she was also unemployed when she had me. Probably had me just to collect some benefits. I was born severely ugly and I have been bullied all my life.
What were these people thinking?
I'm sorry you had to go through all that, it gets me really angry when people that have no conditions to raise a baby have one.
I was also from the ugly club and I was bullied all my life as well, life sucks.
 
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LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
2,170
I'm sorry you had to go through all that, it gets me really angry when people that have no conditions to raise a baby have one.
I was also from the ugly club and I was bullied all my life as well, life sucks.
That makes 3 of us!
 
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S

supernothing

Member
Feb 10, 2022
10
Yes. My entire life I've been reminded that I was a burden and it makes me mad. I didn't ask to be here.
 
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ColorlessTrees

ColorlessTrees

Stuck
Jan 4, 2022
269
I feel this in my bones. I've always resented being born, always wished my mother had aborted me. She didn't concieve as soon as she wanted to, so she took a fertility drug and I always wonder if that's a factor in my hormone/health problems. I'm pretty sure she was already pregnant when she took it but the doctor told her she wasn't because of skewed test results. Maybe I'm just reaching for conclusions, I don't know. My mother does do a lot for me, but I never had good parental guidance.

My father is an ass and an alcoholic, and I resent him for abandoning my sister and I after the divorce, as well as using her as a prop to hurt my mother. He was always distant even when we did live together, and said "having kids ruined his life", then had three more with his new wife. The woman he cheated on my mom with before the divorce. Terrible person in general tbh. Hasn't attempted to contact me since and stopped bothering with my sister on weekends (she hated going)
 
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T

thisplaceisaprison

Student
Mar 20, 2019
151
Hell no, I don't understand this point of view. My mom had my older sister unplanned when she was 20 and then had planned a baby that ended in miscarriage and then planned for me.. if anything I wish the child that was before me had a chance instead because maybe they wouldn't had taken so much for granted. There's some cases where yeah, it's fine to blame the parents if they sexually or physically attacked you, emotional neglect is kind of tricky because if you're in your 20s now, your parents would had never said their parents emotionally neglected them - most of the time it's an accident that's learned from their parents, but if you say you fucked up the opportunities they gave you and other people would be fine, that you doing this would break their heart..

I'm not going to lie. I've felt like that and blamed everything else besides myself, but it sounds like instead of resenting them you could be grateful that they gave you those opportunities instead of resenting them for you not taking them.. although you still could.. and if anyone would be hurt by my choice of not wanting to be here, I wouldn't resent them. I'd feel bad that I caused them pain. I'd also feel bad that I wish they could change how I felt, but they're just another person.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,378
Not really, there's not much that could have been done to have prevented my actual birth, besides maybe overthrowing the Chinese Communist Party early thus making it so my great grandfather would not have had to kill himself and my dad's side of family would never have had to flee to Taiwan.
 
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elfin

elfin

Member
Feb 8, 2022
80
i resent the fact that i was born, but i don't necessarily resent my parents for forcing existence upon me. they didn't know i was going to end up like this.
 
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Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
3,621
Nope. I didn't ask to be born, they didn't ask to be born but we were and that's that. It's not like it was a problem until something went wrong.
 
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ikadasui

ikadasui

Arcanist
May 29, 2018
464
I sure do. I was put up for adoption and the deadbeat that is my father ran out after impregnating my mother. Passed on nothing but shit genes and shirked the duty to others so they are beyond reprehensible in my eyes
 
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thisplaceisaprison

Student
Mar 20, 2019
151
Yeah @peachhex, some of it just comes off as juvenile unless parents did something seriously wrong.. like beating or sexually abusing, severe emotional neglect etc. I don't really understand the whole "She birthed me she's the cause of everything wrong in my life" like you don't hear people in their late 40s/50s ever thinking like that lol.. like she didn't ask to be born either and she wasn't asked to make sure you're fed until you're 18 and pay for your further education..
 
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Meretlein

Meretlein

Moderator
Feb 15, 2019
1,199
I wish I wasn't born but I don't resent my parents for having me. The desire the have kids is biological, just like the desire to live.
 
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W

whywere

Illuminated
Jun 26, 2020
3,284
I have told this story before here on SS, so I will try and keep this brief. My "parents" 1st had a son, and my "mom" wanted a girl, so they tried for a 2nd time and got me. Both of my "parents" hated the fact that I was male baby, but back in the 1950's it was taboo as far as being married and giving a baby up for adoption, so they kept me. They tried the 3rd time and got a girl.

Till I was 18 and they kicked me out, my "parents were horrible to me. My "dad" used me as a punching bag and any extra money was always spent on my brother and sister.

Like I stated before, when I turned 18, they kicked me out and I never heard from my "parents" again ever, their choice 100%.

When my "parents" died they left my younger sister a hobby farm and cash, my older brother got 4 million U.S. dollars and I got ZERO.

I have not heard from either my brother or sister since 1990, and after my "parents" died I sent them an email asking if I could have 1 item as an heirloom and they said that I could go to court and try if I wanted, besides that the answer was a no.

This is why, for me, everyone on SS is my family that I never ever had.

Walter
 
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Harasaki

Harasaki

Member
Oct 21, 2019
76
Hell no, I don't understand this point of view. My mom had my older sister unplanned when she was 20 and then had planned a baby that ended in miscarriage and then planned for me.. if anything I wish the child that was before me had a chance instead because maybe they wouldn't had taken so much for granted. There's some cases where yeah, it's fine to blame the parents if they sexually or physically attacked you, emotional neglect is kind of tricky because if you're in your 20s now, your parents would had never said their parents emotionally neglected them - most of the time it's an accident that's learned from their parents, but if you say you fucked up the opportunities they gave you and other people would be fine, that you doing this would break their heart..

I'm not going to lie. I've felt like that and blamed everything else besides myself, but it sounds like instead of resenting them you could be grateful that they gave you those opportunities instead of resenting them for you not taking them.. although you still could.. and if anyone would be hurt by my choice of not wanting to be here, I wouldn't resent them. I'd feel bad that I caused them pain. I'd also feel bad that I wish they could change how I felt, but they're just another person.
I am grateful for all the things they did for me, but I'm an antinatalist so I don't think anyone should gamble having a baby because yeah, maybe they will love life and all but they could also hate it, if you don't have a baby no one is harmed because someone who doesn't exist can't miss out on life. Had they thought like that then I wouldn't exist and go through all the trouble of finding a way to ctb and face the fear of dying. So basicaly I love my parents but I think they fucked up by having me because now there's not an easy scape
 
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S

ScaredToLive

Student
Feb 2, 2020
126
No, I think my mum is greatest human being on the planet. I love her more than anyone in this world, and she is too pure and too kind hearted for this world. My dad is a piece of shit but I'd die for my mum anytime. She's the greatest
 
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thisplaceisaprison

Student
Mar 20, 2019
151
@Harasaki I don't believe in that concept. I personally get your point of view, yeah, they did that and now I'm here.. but teenagers/early 20s are so horny that's a ridiculous concept to have a belief in considering how many people are in the world that don't feel like we do. Your parents didn't choose who was going to enter your life besides your family members that they took you to see or people they introduced you to.. after a certain point they really can't control what happens. I would reframe your mindset to resent other things because when we were kids we didn't have the concept of "when you leave that front door nobody else gives a fuck about you" but (hopefully) they never made it seem that way when you lived at home. Antinatalism is the absurd belief two teenagers are always going to have a condom on hand.
 
Pen>Sword

Pen>Sword

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
Jan 13, 2021
465
Recently, I've asked myself why was I even born? My parents are great, but why would they want a child in this world?

I don't hate them, but there are times that I blame them for conceiving me.
 
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L

lanahelp

Student
Jan 19, 2022
186
I feel so resentful that I was born, it was one chance in one million and I got unlucky enough to be here. I can't help but blame my parents for my miserable existence.

I also feel guilty that I don't enjoy life and the opportunities they gave me, I feel like any other person in my shoes would be doing great in life, with lots of friends, a good job and college like my brother, instead I'm in my room all day long playing, being depressed and planning how to ctb. It will break their heart when I do, but I didn't ask to be here and I hate being alive, I'm disgusted by my body and physiological needs, I hate the society I live in, I hate the shithole country where I was born, I hate most people, I hate studying, I wish I was never born...

Does anyone feel the same way?
I loved life. I never did. Now I do
 
Harasaki

Harasaki

Member
Oct 21, 2019
76
@thisplaceisaprison antinatalism is the belief that no one is harmed by not being born, but bringing people to life can do harm therefore it's better not to birth new people.
I'm not stupid of course people are gonna keep on having children and obviously my parents don't control everything that happens to me and they couldn't know that I was gonna be like this but like I said if I wasn't born I wouldn't suffer, so I resent them for having me, they should have aborted me. That doesn't mean I don't apreciate everything they did for me or that I don't love them, just that they made a mistake, it's like someone bought me a gift I hated and I have no choice but to accept.
 
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T

thisplaceisaprison

Student
Mar 20, 2019
151
So you resent them for everything that's not in their control? That doesn't really make sense, I wouldn't channel your anger towards them. I'm not trying to put you down, it's just not healthy to think that way about them because they do care and sounds like they tried really hard if you appreciate them - and obviously nobody is harmed if nothing happens. Antinatalism sounds like I don't enjoy life, why should anyone else be born? I think if we're given the right to be born - when we're of an adult age we can decide whether or not we choose to be here and that we have our own authority to decide if we're "sound of mind" vs a psychiatrist that sees us in 15-30 minutes inpatient and has 0 follow up or outpatient where they literally just prescribe whatever they guess they're gonna try.
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
10,406
Every Day!!!!!:angry::angry::angry:
 
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LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
2,170
Hell no, I don't understand this point of view. My mom had my older sister unplanned when she was 20 and then had planned a baby that ended in miscarriage and then planned for me.. if anything I wish the child that was before me had a chance instead because maybe they wouldn't had taken so much for granted. There's some cases where yeah, it's fine to blame the parents if they sexually or physically attacked you, emotional neglect is kind of tricky because if you're in your 20s now, your parents would had never said their parents emotionally neglected them - most of the time it's an accident that's learned from their parents, but if you say you fucked up the opportunities they gave you and other people would be fine, that you doing this would break their heart..

I'm not going to lie. I've felt like that and blamed everything else besides myself, but it sounds like instead of resenting them you could be grateful that they gave you those opportunities instead of resenting them for you not taking them.. although you still could.. and if anyone would be hurt by my choice of not wanting to be here, I wouldn't resent them. I'd feel bad that I caused them pain. I'd also feel bad that I wish they could change how I felt, but they're just another person.
Parents fuck up their children in far more ways than physical and sexual abuse.
Whether any good or bad comes of procreating, it is a selfish gamble in and of itself, that's the problem.
Then there's everything that comes after, during the "nurture" stage which can absolutely annihilate one's chances or opportunities in this world, if their standing at birth didn't take care of that for them already.

I'm not quite understanding your comment about emotional neglect and being in one's 20's, do you mind clarifying?

I'm not sure how much of it can be an accident when so many children literally beg their parents to cut the shit or to please pay attention to their woes, only to be denied that concern and care-over and over again.
So you resent them for everything that's not in their control? That doesn't really make sense, I wouldn't channel your anger towards them. I'm not trying to put you down, it's just not healthy to think that way about them because they do care and sounds like they tried really hard if you appreciate them - and obviously nobody is harmed if nothing happens. Antinatalism sounds like I don't enjoy life, why should anyone else be born? I think if we're given the right to be born - when we're of an adult age we can decide whether or not we choose to be here and that we have our own authority to decide if we're "sound of mind" vs a psychiatrist that sees us in 15-30 minutes inpatient and has 0 follow up or outpatient where they literally just prescribe whatever they guess they're gonna try.
What do you consider out of their control?
They literally decided to have a child.
That was a choice, in their control, and sometimes even that choice alone can have damning consequences.
Many children still love their parents as they simultaneously hold resentment towards them, decent parenting "after the fact" isn't always a solution to a child's suffering.
And where should their anger be directed?
At themselves?

What do you consider unhealthy?
Being realistic? Being honest with one's own self about one's own misery?
What do you mean "nobody is harmed if nothing happens"?

The right to be born?
You're saying they bestowed that upon us?
As a gift?
What about the right to be happy, or to the means to pursue happiness?
Not everyone has that, and having suicide as an option does not erase the suffering, it merely ends our consciousness of it.
(I agree though, that we should be the ones deciding our fate and discerning whether we are of sound mind to enact our right to die on our own terms..when our lives are so often on someone else's.)

Antinatalism is not what you have reduced it to, many people who have enjoyment in life align with the philosophy.
And even so, you could go both ways with your sense of the subject matter, ex:
"I don't enjoy life so why should anyone else be born?"
or
"I enjoy life so others should continue to be sacrificed and suffer so more people like me can be born."
 
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GentleJerk

GentleJerk

Carrot juice pimp.
Dec 14, 2021
1,372
No I don't resent my parents at all. And I did not begin to think that maybe it would have been better if I was never born, until all the joy in my life began to die and the suffering became unbearable.
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
2,170
@Harasaki I don't believe in that concept. I personally get your point of view, yeah, they did that and now I'm here.. but teenagers/early 20s are so horny that's a ridiculous concept to have a belief in considering how many people are in the world that don't feel like we do. Your parents didn't choose who was going to enter your life besides your family members that they took you to see or people they introduced you to.. after a certain point they really can't control what happens. I would reframe your mindset to resent other things because when we were kids we didn't have the concept of "when you leave that front door nobody else gives a fuck about you" but (hopefully) they never made it seem that way when you lived at home. Antinatalism is the absurd belief two teenagers are always going to have a condom on hand.
…bro.
You're saying human beings have no sense of self control?
Humans literally have the ability to starve themselves to death by avoiding a much more significant necessity (food), surely we are capable of keeping it in our pants or waiting until we have proper protection in order (as well as having open communication about what should occur in the event of an unplanned pregnancy).
Especially in modern times, there is far less room for excuses, and even if there were, it does not make the decision to have children a morally or ethically sound one.
Not everyone is the result of a teen pregnancy (or an accidental one) and plenty of people in their 20's know better.
Having a child or entering into a situation where a pregnancy is likely is 100% avoidable beyond select scenarios like rape, being barred from an abortion, being manipulated with fake or 'tampered with' contraceptives, or being so painfully young that you truly don't know what the fuck you are doing (which does not include most people's 20's).
Even children in underdeveloped countries without health/sexual education are seeing the unfairness of the imposition via their parent's decision, some of this is common sense.
And even if a mistake is made, it should not be swept under the rug, I respect parents who see the error of their ways, not the ones who want to shift blame until their last day.

Who set off the domino effect? Who?
Just because they're not in control of what happens after does not mean they don't have responsibility in what leads to it.

They can't control what happens?
Well, fucking exactly.
So why are they rolling that dice on a human life?
A kid could pop out with any manner of godforsaken detriments and disabilities and they don't give a damn.
A kid could be eaten up by the world, chewed over and spit out, then trampled on like dog shit.
And what do parents say?
"Not my problem" "Not my fault" ??
If you cannot guarantee a life worth living for your child then WHY oh WHY are you having them?
Just because? Everyone else is doing it?
To keep pumping out those humans?
Immortalize the gene pool?
Fuck it, let's see what happens?

There is plenty of blame to go around, I'll give you that much, but parents are far from exempt, that is the crux of the opening post, plenty of other threads to throw blame at other people deserving of it.
I have told this story before here on SS, so I will try and keep this brief. My "parents" 1st had a son, and my "mom" wanted a girl, so they tried for a 2nd time and got me. Both of my "parents" hated the fact that I was male baby, but back in the 1950's it was taboo as far as being married and giving a baby up for adoption, so they kept me. They tried the 3rd time and got a girl.

Till I was 18 and they kicked me out, my "parents were horrible to me. My "dad" used me as a punching bag and any extra money was always spent on my brother and sister.

Like I stated before, when I turned 18, they kicked me out and I never heard from my "parents" again ever, their choice 100%.

When my "parents" died they left my younger sister a hobby farm and cash, my older brother got 4 million U.S. dollars and I got ZERO.

I have not heard from either my brother or sister since 1990, and after my "parents" died I sent them an email asking if I could have 1 item as an heirloom and they said that I could go to court and try if I wanted, besides that the answer was a no.

This is why, for me, everyone on SS is my family that I never ever had.

Walter
Jesus Christ Walter, I am so sorry to hear of your story.
I have always found parental favoritism and unfair distribution of assets (or cutting people out of the will) to be particularly despicable.
If my parents ever did that to my siblings and I was left with any type of inheritance, I would absolutely share it with them (even if I hated their guts!).
But something tells me they would never do the same for me..

I was told of a very similar story recently about an in-law who had this happen to them via a grandparent's wealth (cut her out of the will at the last second apparently, left the hoard to the half-siblings), and supposedly she even had a good relationship with her grandparent and all of her siblings, yet I don't think they shared a dime with her once it was said and done, and suddenly one of them was upset with her for being upset.
I was thoroughly repulsed when I heard about this.
And guess where this poor in-law of mine is now?
Deceased.
I won't speak on the details as to respect her privacy, but it was not of natural causes.
Her life was already difficult and I can't imagine that having something like this occur didn't have an exceedingly disastrous effect on her.

What a horrible thing for anyone to go through, I now appreciate and understand your sense of found family with SS even more. I'm glad you are a part of this forum!
Nope. I didn't ask to be born, they didn't ask to be born but we were and that's that. It's not like it was a problem until something went wrong.
I think one of the few things we cannot blame our parents for, is making the same mistake (arguably the most consequential decision a person could make) that they did.

If I ever decided to have children (not happening), that is 100% on me.
I can't stand those who expect their parents to help raise and financially support their own children (their parent's grandchildren) especially if there are other siblings still in need of their parent's support.
 
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Chiisai

Chiisai

To infinity and beyond!
Sep 1, 2021
754
Hmmm... I dont resent them for bringing me into this world because as much as I cant choose my parents, they also have no control what consciousness is to be in their child. I dont blame them for that. Though, how they treated me in my years is.
 
markimobzzdeasui

markimobzzdeasui

Life is a cruel joke
Oct 24, 2021
1,150
Absolutely! None of those narcissistic sick minded people should even had married.
 
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ncmxm

ncmxm

Experienced
Jun 9, 2021
232
Yes

My mother was/is depressed and I just can't fathom why someone who knows what it's like would put another person through it
 
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Grav

Grav

Elementalist
Jul 26, 2020
817
No I don't resent them. My dad I hated but later we found out it was CTE that caused his behavior and there's nothing I could do about that. But the CTE did make homelife crap and abusive, my mom took a lot of beatings. She raised us as best she could and for the most part she was successful. On the other end I did/do have regret having our daughter: if the world turns shittier we could have stopped her from becoming part of it. I've never told her that and try to give her the best I can, including not ctb'ing when I really, really want to.
 

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