Do you prefer loneliness or resent it?

[WhatPowerIs]

For those of you who are lonely, do you prefer to be alone? Do you enjoy your own company? Or do you resent it and wish that you had better company, or even just having company in general?

I'm not sure where I sit on the topic. Halfway I guess? There can be times in social settings where I would like desperately to just be alone, and then there are times when I'm alone where I wish I had company! I think maybe everybody sits halfway on this topic like I do but I'm curious to hear your thoughts, I know there are people out there who are a lot more social than I am, and I know there are a lot of people who are lot lonelier than I am as well.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

When I was younger I shunned the few socializing opportunities I got because of awkwardness. Thought I'd be better off alone.

Now I'm 37 and crave company but don't get it. So I pretend I'm better off being lonely as a defense mechanism. It's like loneliness is the only friend I have now. Forget real life socializing, I'd be happy even with online company but I can't get even that.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

When I was younger I shunned the few socializing opportunities I got because of awkwardness. Thought I'd be better off alone.

Now I'm 37 and crave company but don't get it. So I pretend I'm better off being lonely as a defense mechanism. It's like loneliness is the only friend I have now. Forget real life socializing, I'd be happy even with online company but I can't get even that.

How come? What's stopping you from getting online company?

 

[veryhappyhuman]

How come? What's stopping you from getting online company?

Never figured it out, maybe people find me boring I guess? I tried to be funny, non-offensive, talk about things I like, engage with others etc. No idea what I'm supposed to do to be likeable.

I've been on FB, reddit, linkedin, whatsapp and a few others for years, but never managed to really connect with someone. I may get likes for a comment and that's it. I don't like to be creepy and "slide into DMs" myself, and no one has bothered to DM me or connect on any of those platforms. When I did make a few attempts to initiate connection myself (on FB for e.g) I got rejected.

Of course I've dropped out of all social media now, since my depression has made me too whiny and definitely no one likes that. So even less chances of connecting with others now. Oh well.

 

[lofticries]

A bit of both honestly. My mental illnesses prevent me from having healthy relationships with ppl. I prefer talking with ppl over the net instead of irl for various reasons.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Never figured it out, maybe people find me boring I guess? I tried to be funny, non-offensive, talk about things I like, engage with others etc. No idea what I'm supposed to do to be likeable.

I've been on FB, reddit, linkedin, whatsapp and a few others for years, but never managed to really connect with someone. I may get likes for a comment and that's it. I don't like to be creepy and "slide into DMs" myself, and no one has bothered to DM me or connect on any of those platforms. When I did make a few attempts to initiate connection myself (on FB for e.g) I got rejected.

Of course I've dropped out of all social media now, since my depression has made me too whiny and definitely no one likes that. So even less chances of connecting with others now. Oh well.

I have a hard time connecting with people over big social media websites like that. Have you tried something like Discord? Discord servers are more focused on a particular hobby or interest you might like. I was thankfully able to make online friends over something like Discord but in my honest opinion I don't quite believe an online friendship can come close to a real life friendship, I struggle a lot more IRL than I do online. I feel like I can be myself online, I can wear a mask, some kind of persona. Given that you're using websites like Facebook and LinkedIn, websites that kind of hinge on using your real life identity, do you think you would be more comfortable slipping into a mask of some kind, your true self?
Totally understand what you mean when you say people find you boring. IRL people find me boring too, uptight, kind of a jerk. I won't lie, I am those things. Trying to be a "PG" version of myself to cater to other people, I don't know, it's just not me. Maybe I was meant to be a prick?

 

[veryhappyhuman]

Have you tried something like Discord? Discord servers are more focused on a particular hobby or interest you might like

TBH, FB Groups and subreddits are also meant to work this way, focused on an area. But despite joining a dozen of those pertaining to my interests I had zero success. So I doubt discord would help either. Plus depression has also taken away most of my interests so I legit dont even know what I'll talk about now lol.

I feel like I can be myself online, I can wear a mask, some kind of persona. Given that you're using websites like Facebook and LinkedIn, websites that kind of hinge on using your real life identity, do you think you would be more comfortable slipping into a mask of some kind, your true self?

I see your point but I've been on reddit and couple others which are anonymous. No luck there either. Honestly, I've always felt like an alien trying its best to mimic human interactions (and failing badly at it) -- like, something much more fundamental was lacking. Idk.

IRL people find me boring too, uptight, kind of a jerk. I won't lie, I am those things. Trying to be a "PG" version of myself to cater to other people, I don't know, it's just not me. Maybe I was meant to be a prick?

Lol, yeah, that makes sense honestly. Phony fake-nice people are a lot worse than jerk-but-honest types. Too bad former is the "accepted" way in society.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

TBH, FB Groups and subreddits are also meant to work this way, focused on an area. But despite joining a dozen of those pertaining to my interests I had zero success. So I doubt discord would help either. Plus depression has also taken away most of my interests so I legit dont even know what I'll talk about now lol.

I get what you mean. I joined these hobby/interest Discords years ago when I was happier or at least interested in what I was talking about and now my depression has whittled away any kind of interest I've had in those hobbies so I post very infrequently now. Soul, energy, passion for anything, has been sucked away from me, and the truth is I never had many interests and hobbies in the first place so to acquire new ones seem foreign to me.
FB groups and subreddits do work that way but while I've never tried FB, Redditors may be the most passive aggressive internet users I've ever met and I'm starting to get why everybody makes fun of that website now, they totally deserve it.

I see your point but I've been on reddit and couple others which are anonymous. No luck there either. Honestly, I've always felt like an alien trying its best to mimic human interactions (and failing badly at it) -- like, something much more fundamental was lacking. Idk.

I get that also. I think the problem is that Reddit users and a lot of others on these websites are already "normal" so to speak, they don't really have depression and suicidal thoughts to our degree, right? The vast majority don't, at least, so there is already a fundamental disconnect there. I would like to think that websites like this would be the solution, but while I feel some kinship with people on this site because of depressive and suicidal thoughts, I don't make friends here. And given the nature of a forum like "Sanctioned Suicide", it's going to be hard to make friends, to tell you the truth.

 

[FogFilledLife]

Both.

 

[GentleJerk]

If I was dating atm, or engaging in any more social activities than I currently am, I would have almost no time left each day to do everything that needs to get done. So If I'm going to make that time for someone, they must be pretty damn amazing.

If you find yourself feeling lonely often, you might benefit from finding more rewarding stuff to do. Even though I'm not dating or hanging out often, I haven't felt lonely in ages because my time is always spent doing important things.

Most other people in my position, with as little human interaction as I enjoy, would probably feel lonely. However I often actively avoid human interaction, because I think about how I have all this shit to do and probably won't have enough time to do it all if I'm spending time with other people.

That, and I remember all the bullshit other people have put me through in life, and I get to thinking how having no human interaction and a bunch of free time to do other things, might actually be the better choice 9 times out of 10.

 

[outatime_85]

Being that I have been living a life of solitude for a very long time, I have gotten used to minimal or no contact.

Besides, I am not sure anyone would want to really know me on a deep level; most people these days only want to know someone on a superficial level, so I no longer go looking for that.

I think since I have so much stuff going on, and even if I get to a point where I don't have stuff to deal with, I am closer to the point where I would rather just quietly sit on a bench with a sandwich and think, maybe even just observe the people and my surroundings.

 

[Mixo]

Being alone allows me to prevent suffering - to myself and others. It's not easy and never will be, but it is what it is.

 

[Lost Magic]

I don't mind being alone but I'm tired of being lonely. I just don't want to be around toxic people anymore who only care about themselves. I would rather be alone than be in bad company. And now that my days are numbered, I don't have the energy to meet new people. I can't have a pet either because I will be gone before it does. I love animals but them being living creatures is too much to deal with. I made a post a short while ago about purchasing a robot companion called, Eilik, which is due to ship in August. So I'll invest in that little guy soon. Anyway, all will be fine. The day I die will be the greatest night of my life. So I won't feel lonely anymore. I'll be going home!

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I don't mind being alone but I'm tired of being lonely. I just don't want to be around toxic people anymore who only care about themselves. I would rather be alone than be in bad company. And now that my days are numbered, I don't have the energy to meet new people. I can't have a pet either because I will be gone before it does. I love animals but them being living creatures is too much to deal with. I made a post a short while ago about purchasing a robot companion called, Eilik, which is due to ship in August. So I'll invest in that little guy soon. Anyway, all will be fine. The day I die will be the greatest night of my life. So I won't feel lonely anymore. I'll be going home!

I wish you peace in whatever choice you make. I hope you will be able to tell me a little more about your robot companion, though!

 

[kappa]

I get that also. I think the problem is that Reddit users and a lot of others on these websites are already "normal" so to speak, they don't really have depression and suicidal thoughts to our degree, right? The vast majority don't, at least, so there is already a fundamental disconnect there. I would like to think that websites like this would be the solution, but while I feel some kinship with people on this site because of depressive and suicidal thoughts, I don't make friends here. And given the nature of a forum like "Sanctioned Suicide", it's going to be hard to make friends, to tell you the truth.

Whoa whoa whoa.... you can't say Reddit users are "normal" lol.

Lots of them are weird neckbeard incels. The type of person who will dig through your post history, (especially deleted posts) and follow you around. Don't give them that much credit lol

Never figured it out, maybe people find me boring I guess? I tried to be funny, non-offensive, talk about things I like, engage with others etc. No idea what I'm supposed to do to be likeable.

I've been on FB, reddit, linkedin, whatsapp and a few others for years, but never managed to really connect with someone. I may get likes for a comment and that's it. I don't like to be creepy and "slide into DMs" myself, and no one has bothered to DM me or connect on any of those platforms. When I did make a few attempts to initiate connection myself (on FB for e.g) I got rejected.

Of course I've dropped out of all social media now, since my depression has made me too whiny and definitely no one likes that. So even less chances of connecting with others now. Oh well.

There's so many people online I feel like it's hard to make connections on it.

I use Reddit, and have joined lots of subreddits. But yeah it's just the occasional reply or maybe a few likes. I'm not sure if others get any more than that.

The gardening and animal subreddits seem to be friendly. I like to follow others but do not engage much because there's a lot of toxic people in them. (Body mod subs for example. You post in r/tattoos? Prepare to get recked).

Ironically the most replies and likes I get from comments are on a hate subreddit...

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Whoa whoa whoa.... you can't say Reddit users are "normal" lol.

Lots of them are weird neckbeard incels. The type of person who will dig through your post history, (especially deleted posts) and follow you around. Don't give them that much credit lol

Reddit has been cutting down on all of the actual incel subreddits so I was never really thinking of them lol. The only incel-adjacent subreddits I can think of would be ones like r/FA30Plus which is for forever alone people over the age of 30, but I wouldn't even really call those guys incels, their predicament just leaves me feeling really grim and depressed.

There's always going to be weirdos online, don't get me wrong on that front. I would say I'm a weirdo but not really to the extent of a Redditor thank goodness. But I think if you went on any major subreddit you would see what I mean. Lots of normal people talking about their normal lives. They have wives and kids. Houses. Cars. Jobs. And so forth...

I use Reddit, and have joined lots of subreddits. But yeah it's just the occasional reply or maybe a few likes. I'm not sure if others get any more than that.

The gardening and animal subreddits seem to be friendly. I like to follow others but do not engage much because there's a lot of toxic people in them. (Body mod subs for example. You post in r/tattoos? Prepare to get recked).

Ironically the most replies and likes I get from comments are on a hate subreddit...

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. I've talked to some people one-on-one through Reddit and I can safely conclude that it is not the best platform to be making friends. People use that platform to argue and passive-aggressively tout their intelligence and they'll downvote you into oblivion if you say something remotely unpopular.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Yes.

In a nutshell, I like being alone with me, myself, and I. I require a great deal of alone time to reflect and whatever.

However, I hate being lonely, which is due to being surrounded by people I'm unable to connect with on a deep level.

 

[absurd_to_the_end]

I see your point but I've been on reddit and couple others which are anonymous. No luck there either. Honestly, I've always felt like an alien trying its best to mimic human interactions (and failing badly at it) -- like, something much more fundamental was lacking. Idk.

This expresses very well what I've experienced as well - I've tried so hard to do what seems to come so natural to everyone else, and it it just falls flat 99% of the time.

I use Reddit for information gathering mostly - as noted it can get quite toxic and so many are just there to one-up, so I have no expectation of connecting there. I've tried forums for particular topics, but I've lost interest in most topics anyway. I think online connections are harder, because people treat it as more superficial because it's so easy to run away. Whereas if you have trouble communicating in real life, people are more likely to stick around a little longer to give you a chance.

 

[chloramine]

I want people, but only safe trusted people. I think a lot of the reason for people wanting both stems more from not being around the right people. If you're close friends it doesn't mean that you'll never want time away. Those aren't mutually exclusive. Being able to communicate that you want to be alone for a bit and have it respected is how you get both.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I want people, but only safe trusted people. I think a lot of the reason for people wanting both stems more from not being around the right people. If you're close friends it doesn't mean that you'll never want time away. Those aren't mutually exclusive. Being able to communicate that you want to be alone for a bit and have it respected is how you get both.

Sorry for such a late response, but yes, very good point! I kind of made this thread in mind for people who haven't really talked to friends, or even had friends, for a very long time, but I appreciate all responses and the question is open to all. Other times, I feel like communication can only get you so far...

 

[rainwillneverstop]

The longer I am alone, the more of my sanity I lose.
Paranoia gets worse.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

The longer I am alone, the more of my sanity I lose.
Paranoia gets worse.

I'm sorry to hear that. I feel myself slipping as well. I only ever leave my house to do something important, or some other obligation that's come up. In that regard, it's been a long time since I've left my house.

 

[Pedronte]

I hate my own company. I have Asperger's Syndrome, so I'm an introvert, and I've never had many friends. That fact has depressed me since I was a teenager.
I don't know what to say or how to act. It's like socializing is something from another world for me. I wanted to improve in the past, but not anymore.

Nowadays, I just stay where I am. The world moves, but I don't. I lost the energy I had for these things. Socialization is out of my league.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I hate my own company. I have Asperger's Syndrome, so I'm an introvert, and I've never had many friends. That fact has depressed me since I was a teenager.
I don't know what to say or how to act. It's like socializing is something from another world for me. I wanted to improve in the past, but not anymore.

Nowadays, I just stay where I am. The world moves, but I don't. I lost the energy I had for these things. Socialization is out of my league.

I'm an introvert as well. I feel like a lot of people in this forum are. Are you at least able to occupy yourself with things? Games, movies, other activities?

 

[Pedronte]

I'm an introvert as well. I feel like a lot of people in this forum are. Are you at least able to occupy yourself with things? Games, movies, other activities?

Yes, there are many introverts in the forum. I'm not surprised, though, considering its topic.
Well, answering your question, yes. I needed to. Chatting with people on the Internet also helps a lot since it's easier. What about you?

 

[Slimetae]

it don't really bother me that i'm alone i think it's better this way for me .

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Yes, there are many introverts in the forum. I'm not surprised, though, considering its topic.
Well, answering your question, yes. I needed to. Chatting with people on the Internet also helps a lot since it's easier. What about you?

Chatting with people online certainly helps, yeah. I feel like I'm starting to lose joy in other things that used to make me happy though. I'm also scared of losing the people I chat with online. There are real people behind those screens, people who have full, complete lives on their own. I fear one day I may be left behind.

 

[TLEEA]

Having been an introvert and extrovert at different parts of my life, what really matters is whether or not you have a sustainable emotional connection with anything or anyone that you're doing stuff with, really.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Having been an introvert and extrovert at different parts of my life, what really matters is whether or not you have a sustainable emotional connection with anything or anyone that you're doing stuff with, really.

Would you say you have that? Sustainable emotional connections?

 

[Celerity]

I can keep my own company, but I do have limits. Loneliness was one of the reasons I left my PhD program. Hours spent alone with your own thoughts is a recipe for disaster. The healthiest grad students I saw had an office with other people or did the undergrad thing and did their work in coffee shops.

The sad part about loneliness is that it becomes a self-perpetuating problem. During my unemployment this past year, I found myself becoming extremely socially awkward and anxious around people. My retail job forces me to interact with strangers from all walks of life, and I have actually become one of the more gregarious employees. Being able to make small talk really helps with job performance and makes the experience a lot more tolerable.

I just try to act as if everybody I meet has something interesting to say no matter how small. If they indicate they don't want to chat, that's fine, but most people are happy to even carry on a conversation about their groceries or cooking. I have learned a few things about cooking, gardening, history, and current events from my customers.