Do you pass as someone who is mentally well?

[Weebster]

I can sometimes but it takes a lot effort. If you're currently able, how much longer before your mask slips?

 

[Meretlein]

Yes but I have been told I seem "quirky" at times. No one would ever suspect me being on SS though.

I sometimes feel their urge to reach out to random people about my suicidality, but I know it will not go well. At best I will be drowned in the cloyingly suffocating pro-life rhetoric and at worst seen as a deranged person to be avoided. The stigma and moralizing attitude towards suicide runs too deep and I cannot fight against it in my personal life.

 

[JBVN]

I am adept at appearing "okay".

 

[Sea Turtle]

I don't associate with many people IRL, so I'm likely just seen as a quiet lonely person. Only people here and my BF know about (some of) my true feelings.

 

[Sides]

I can put on the Pagliacci happy clown face for a while, when talking to or dealing with children, family, neighbors, doctors and nurses and psychiatrists, when out in public in the unreal real world. After a while, when too tired, suffering too much pain, then the mask begins to slip. But most people would never guess, not yet anyway. And that's how it should stay, right up until the ultimate moment of no turning back, when it's too late to stop me, and I can see the face of God.

So I play the happy clown role for now. But then we all have our roles to play in life, at least for now. The show must go on...at least until the curtain comes down.

"Act! While in delirium,
I no longer know what I say,
or what I do!
And yet it's necessary. Force yourself!
Bah! Are you even a man?
You are a clown!

Put on your costume and powder your face.
The people are paying, and they want to laugh here.
And if Harlequin steals away your Columbina,
laugh, clown, and all will applaud!
Turn your distress and tears into jokes,
your pain and sobs into a smirk, Ah!

Laugh, clown,
at your broken love!
Laugh at the grief that poisons your heart!"

Vesti la giubba - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

"There is an unconscious propriety in the way in which, in all European languages, the word "person" is commonly used to denote a human being. The real meaning of persona is a "mask", such as actors were accustomed to wear on the ancient stage ; and it is quite true that no one shows himself as he is, but wears his mask and plays his part. Indeed, the whole of our social arrangements may be likened to a perpetual comedy."
Arthur Schopenhauer
Studies in Pessimism

 

[Weebster]

I can put on the Pagliacci happy clown face for a while, when talking to or dealing with children, family, neighbors, doctors and nurses and psychiatrists, when out in public in the unreal real world. After a while, when too tired, suffering too much pain, then the mask begins to slip. But most people would never guess, not yet anyway. And that's how it should stay, right up until the ultimate moment of no turning back, when it's too late to stop me, and I can see the face of God.

So I play the happy clown role for now. But then we all have our roles to play in life, at least for now. The show must go on...at least until the curtain comes down.

"Act! While in delirium,
I no longer know what I say,
or what I do!
And yet it's necessary. Force yourself!
Bah! Are you even a man?
You are a clown!

Put on your costume and powder your face.
The people are paying, and they want to laugh here.
And if Harlequin steals away your Columbina,
laugh, clown, and all will applaud!
Turn your distress and tears into jokes,
your pain and sobs into a smirk, Ah!

Laugh, clown,
at your broken love!
Laugh at the grief that poisons your heart!"

Vesti la giubba - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

"There is an unconscious propriety in the way in which, in all European languages, the word "person" is commonly used to denote a human being. The real meaning of persona is a "mask", such as actors were accustomed to wear on the ancient stage ; and it is quite true that no one shows himself as he is, but wears his mask and plays his part. Indeed, the whole of our social arrangements may be likened to a perpetual comedy."
Arthur Schopenhauer
Studies in Pessimism

What happens if you're the rare individual who walks around without a mask and says what you truly think?

 

[Sides]

What happens if you're the rare individual who walks around without a mask and says what you truly think?

That depends on who that individual is, and what you truly think. And what you are really capable of doing.

Who are you? Who am I? REALLY. Not the mask, not the shell, not the candy coating on the M & M that won't melt in your mouth.

Stripped of all pretending, to ourselves and others, who are we REALLY?

This gets into all the Jung "accepting the shadow"/Hesse/Nietzsche/Goethe territory of "There is no crime of which I do not deem myself capable."

For some individuals, that is true, for others not. For some people, if they say what they truly think they may just bruise some feelings or offend some tender souls. Others will get locked up in a psych ward, others jail.

Personally, I've spent 36 months in Federal Prison. The assistant USA wanted a much longer sentence (81 months), and if they knew all that I have really done, I would have been there much longer, perhaps for the rest of my life. If they knew what I truly thought, I would have never seen the light of day again.

But if you saw me 6 months ago, before the heart attack and subsequent heart failure that has crippled me, with my baby daughter at the playground, laughing and playing with all the children out in the sunshine, you would never have imagined such a thing possible. I was/am the happy and friendly father, neighbor, uncle, semi-respectable citizen, owning a house and cars and the other bourgeois suburban nonsense, mowing the lawn, shoveling the snow, voting in elections for God's sake, as if I really gave a damn. I was the Great Pretender. Even though in my heart, there was always a black emptiness at the center of me.

So perhaps it's not a surprise that when I did have the heart attack, and the open heart bypass surgery, and I was trapped in the hospital in agony and unending pain, that I did ask them to kill me, and tell them I wanted to die, and even threatened the lives of a social worker and psych consult who had betrayed my trust and stabbed me in the back. Because that's when, under stress and pain, the mask dropped and they got a glimpse of the real me. Just for a few moments, until I got myself under some kind of control again. Because I have to keep myself under control, all the time.

That will be different for everybody, depending on who you are, really, deep down.

But it has been my experience that honesty is not always, and is perhaps never, the best policy. At least not complete honesty.

Especially if you want to CTB, and you don't want to get locked up in a psych ward, or jail, or prison.

For some people, this is all a cry for help, and they should take off the mask, tell the truth, come clean so that they can get the help they need. I applaud that and endorse that for most people on here. Most of you, honestly, just need some help, God bless you.

And then there are those of us who need and deserve to die. And we can NEVER say what we truly think.

 

[OldDrummer]

Absolutely. Being on the spectrum and years of masking and scripting behind me. People wouldn't have a clue, and that's how I like it.

 

[BittersweetSymphony]

LMAO...way more than that. Everyone in my life thinks I'm some kind of fucking religious figure because I hide my feelings so well. I literally just went through a meeting at work where my coworkers presented me with an award for "being their strength" while we went through a hard situation. All because I force myself to smile no matter how much shit I'm in. The fact that people think I'm worthy of any kind of admiration just proves that I'm living in hell.

 

[Weebster]

That depends on who that individual is, and what you truly think. And what you are really capable of doing.

Who are you? Who am I? REALLY. Not the mask, not the shell, not the candy coating on the M & M that won't melt in your mouth.

Stripped of all pretending, to ourselves and others, who are we REALLY?

This gets into all the Jung "accepting the shadow"/Hesse/Nietzsche/Goethe territory of "There is no crime of which I do not deem myself capable."

For some individuals, that is true, for others not. For some people, if they say what they truly think they may just bruise some feelings or offend some tender souls. Others will get locked up in a psych ward, others jail.

Personally, I've spent 36 months in Federal Prison. The assistant USA wanted a much longer sentence (81 months), and if they knew all that I have really done, I would have been there much longer, perhaps for the rest of my life. If they knew what I truly thought, I would have never seen the light of day again.

But if you saw me 6 months ago, before the heart attack and subsequent heart failure that has crippled me, with my baby daughter at the playground, laughing and playing with all the children out in the sunshine, you would never have imagined such a thing possible. I was/am the happy and friendly father, neighbor, uncle, semi-respectable citizen, owning a house and cars and the other bourgeois suburban nonsense, mowing the lawn, shoveling the snow, voting in elections for God's sake, as if I really gave a damn. I was the Great Pretender. Even though in my heart, there was always a black emptiness at the center of me.

So perhaps it's not a surprise that when I did have the heart attack, and the open heart bypass surgery, and I was trapped in the hospital in agony and unending pain, that I did ask them to kill me, and tell them I wanted to die, and even threatened the lives of a social worker and psych consult who had betrayed my trust and stabbed me in the back. Because that's when, under stress and pain, the mask dropped and they got a glimpse of the real me. Just for a few moments, until I got myself under some kind of control again. Because I have to keep myself under control, all the time.

That will be different for everybody, depending on who you are, really, deep down.

But it has been my experience that honesty is not always, and is perhaps never, the best policy. At least not complete honesty.

Especially if you want to CTB, and you don't want to get locked up in a psych ward, or jail, or prison.

For some people, this is all a cry for help, and they should take off the mask, tell the truth, come clean so that they can get the help they need. I applaud that and endorse that for most people on here. Most of you, honestly, just need some help, God bless you.

And then there are those of us who need and deserve to die. And we can NEVER say what we truly think.

Great post. Do you believe anyone abused severely as a child can escape becoming a monster deep down?

Absolutely. Being on the spectrum and years of masking and scripting behind me. People wouldn't have a clue, and that's how I like it.

Would you say that nobody really knows you?

 

[orange]

I would say no? People are nice to me for a few weeks after I meet them and after that they bully me until I stop talking to them. By that I mean I'm very socially retarded and abnormal in that sense, but still I don't think anyone even suspects that I'd be planning a suicide. I think they sniff undiagnosed autism

 

[ikadasui]

Yes, very easily so. I learned from a young age that I wasn't smart or well liked( literally had a guy in elementary school cafeteria stand up and say raise your hand if you like X and only 2 people raised their hand) so I had to adapt to new ways of survival. I'm a very good chameleon and given time can adapt to almost any environment you put me in, but I don't like it at all and it makes me feel worse.

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

I dont think so but im not sure. I havent exposed myself socially for 4 years now ever since leaving school so I feel I dont even exist to other people for them to even judge me in the first place

but back when I was in school I would be ridiculed for my walking gait (I still dont know whats wrong with it) and for my unconscious mannerisms, I also never look people in the face whenever I do occasionally go out and stutter whenever spoken too so I would probably come off as extremely socially anxious

 

[FuneralCry]

I am not around people that much, and I do keep my thoughts about wanting to leave this world to myself, nobody knows that I am suicidal. I do not see myself as being mentally ill though, I simply do not see my life as being worth living and in my case suicide makes sense as I do not want to have to deal with decades of suffering. Wanting suicide can be perfectly rational in a world like this. I just do not like living at all, I see life as being so pointless and unnecessary.

 

[watchingthewheels]

Yeah, when I'm left to my own devices. But Aspergers can make it easy to have my temper triggered in certain settings, if I get stuck in a crowd or a noisy environment. (That's in addition to psychological issues stemming from past abuse). I had trouble holding a job when I was younger, due to my temper being triggered by trying to work in unsuitable environments, before I knew of Aspergers/Autism. But once I learned about it, I was able to avoid those environments and find work that better fit my temperament. Plus, I learned how to "fake it", re, how (and how not to) make and hold eye contact, how to read social cues better, etc. And I do better in "short bursts" of social activity, as long as I have time to recoup later. But the anxiety and such that goes along with it is always there, below the surface, and it can still get triggered easily if in the wrong environment.

 

[doli_o]

Sometimes, though I'm finding it more difficult to 'pass' as a competent/sane individual as I age.

 

[motel rooms]

Do you believe anyone abused severely as a child can escape becoming a monster deep down?

I just adore that stereotype/myth about guys like me. It's always incredibly fun when clueless people stigmatize us. The vast majority of boys who experience childhood (sexual) abuse do NOT go on to (sexually) abuse anyone.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Honestly I don't even know what mentally well is. I've had borderline personality disorder basically since I was born if not since birth. Everyone knows I'm not mentally well. Everyone knows I'm suicidal. It's a meh topic to me. "hey I'm _____ and I have bpd and am suicidal"
Hell, even when I go out of my way to act normal I cant. I'm noticed in seconds. I don't think I've ever had one single conversation that hasn't triggered me into giving it away. Everything seems to bring up a memory for me that I don't want to remember. I'm awesome for ruining conversations that way.
I can't even get past the introductory "hey how are you". Forget that, I can't even get to the introduction. I have severe social anxiety. Even if it's someone I know, the second my brain is like "omg people and even worse I have to talk to them" I shut down and dissociate to the point where even though they're standing in front of me I can't really see them. Makes talking impossible and its a horrible circle. Anxiety about looking stupid, thank you bpd. Dissociation, creating a lack of thinking ability, followed by an almost 100% chance of looking stupid.

In short, what's mentally well? XD

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

Yeah. A lot of people say I'm very kind and positive. Kind, maybe, but certainly not positive. I just try to be polite to people because I don't want to be a reason for them to despise life. The world is awful enough as it is.

But really... I think about death daily. I struggle to connect with people. I assume life will always get worse. Thanks to mental illness, I have horrific intrusive thoughts that, if anyone knew about, would surely hate or shun me. I wish I never existed, and I hope there is nothing but silence and oblivion after death.

But to others, I'm funny, kind, helpful, optimistic. And I intend to keep it that way until the minute I expire.

 

[Littlepaws]

I am able to "pass" as mentally well because I've been masking for a long time due to being on the spectrum.

I am starting to find masking quite draining, so who knows how long I'll be able to continue with it.

 

[Seiba]

I don't mask. I don't exactly go around screaming my issues either, not there's anyone there to tell. As long as I'm not dead it's not something that matters.