Discussion Do you live with much dread? What do you dread?

[Forever Sleep]

I was reading another thread about dread in life and it's made me think it's a big part of the reason I want to CTB. To get away from all the things I'm dreading.

From kind of small things like everyday domestic chores and, getting things repaired to bigger stuff like career worries, the prospect of having to work with others again, the constant fear of having no work, of getting ill- on my own. Of getting old and ill. Of not being able to CTB before things get worse. Of attempting suicide, failing and ending up in a worse state.

Maybe it's unfair but I end up cursing my parents often- privately- for inflicting all this shit on me. I outright told my Dad once that I only felt dread about my future. He came back with: 'Life shouldn't be like that' but then- what else would it be?

What are your biggest dreads?

 

[MyShadow]

I was reading another thread about dread in life and it's made me think it's a big part of the reason I want to CTB. To get away from all the things I'm dreading.

From kind of small things like everyday domestic chores and, getting things repaired to bigger stuff like career worries, the prospect of having to work with others again, the constant fear of having no work, of getting ill- on my own. Of getting old and ill. Of not being able to CTB before things get worse. Of attempting suicide, failing and ending up in a worse state.

Maybe it's unfair but I end up cursing my parents often- privately- for inflicting all this shit on me. I outright told my Dad once that I only felt dread about my future. He came back with: 'Life shouldn't be like that' but then- what else would it be?

What are your biggest dreads?

I have many of the same fears.

Living in the US where there's no room or place for failure, I fear that I may get crushed as our economy gets pushed off the rails by inflation and an insane administration. Getting old here is also a worry because my plans for retirement got blown up by circumstances and poor planning.

I also dread the loneliness that came with the loss of my relationship and the alienation of my children.

All I can do now is take one day and one moment at a time.

 

[darksouls]

my biggest dread is that humanity will continue to exist for a very long time and all these cruelties will continue.
this gives me the worst nightmares.
I have to die with these negative thoughts

 

[Mr. Snrub]

What are your biggest dreads?

1. Dying
2. Living

What a cleverly cruel arrangement.

 

[Irisse]

I dread every new day with it's challenges. I dread the workload for the day, messing up and saying something wrong in a conversation. I also dread the triggers for my trauma and spiraling back into psychosis. I am literally scared of just existing.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Forveleth]

I am trying to work on my feelings of dread by reminding myself that suicide is the answer. I dread the future a lot but I have to keep reminding myself I have a handy rope if things get too bad. If this ga go to shit, my plan is just to kill myself instead of live in misery, so I have nothing to worry about.

The other thing I dread is dealing with the non-supportive people in my life. I would love to leave my partner but he is a vindictive asshole that would make me as miserable as possible in a divorce. Then, I would have to deal with my parents criticizing me for getting divorced. This is one of the many reasons I am suicidal. It is easier to kill myself than deal with all that bullshit.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I was reading another thread about dread in life and it's made me think it's a big part of the reason I want to CTB. To get away from all the things I'm dreading.

From kind of small things like everyday domestic chores and, getting things repaired to bigger stuff like career worries, the prospect of having to work with others again, the constant fear of having no work, of getting ill- on my own. Of getting old and ill. Of not being able to CTB before things get worse. Of attempting suicide, failing and ending up in a worse state.

Maybe it's unfair but I end up cursing my parents often- privately- for inflicting all this shit on me. I outright told my Dad once that I only felt dread about my future. He came back with: 'Life shouldn't be like that' but then- what else would it be?

What are your biggest dreads?

Resonates soooo much!!! Except for cursing out my parents

I totally dread getting older.

I honestly don't understand how people cannot dread the future. Like how do they know so much good will happen in their lives that it will outweigh the bad things that could possibly come?

 

[Dark Moon]

I dread getting middle aged aswell as old, failing suicide and ending up in a worse state, Artificial Intelligence, getting sick/ill before dying, plus a little dread what's going to happen after I'm dead.

 

[princexhhn]

I dread everything im afraid of literally everything. Even the people i love, i have some sort of fear attached with them. My mind processes "what ifs" as if it were already true, because if im right then maybe itd hurt less. Id expected it already, so maybe itd hurt less. I try to pull away and detach but it really never works out. I delude myself into thinking "maybe itll work this time" while simultaneously holding my breath, anticipating the worst. It feels like i shoot myself in the foot, all the time. At this point, im convinced that if they ever left itd be because of me. It wont just be my fears anymore. I would be the problem. Every fuck up feels like im losing everything.

I think i derailed a litttle

my simple answer would be, im so paranoid that im dreading the day i am abandoned

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Getting even sicker, especially if it requires me to interact with the medical system in any capacity.

I hear about a lot of people with CFS being stable for long periods then suddenly crashing and ending up bedbound, with no way to survive physically or financially and ending up in abject poverty. When I'm already this bad off, it's my worst nightmare.

 

[Hystearical]

Most of all, not being able to die and having to live. DIY hasn't been very successful and I know I brought up the prospect of truly "sanctioned suicide" in another thread but that remains a prospect still as far as I'm concerned, one that if it is to materialize will require a lot of strength and patience and calm.

Then of course CTBing itself.

Basically living in dread since I came of age. Some respite but mostly have been in dread especially the last 6 years or so where I knew I didn't have any other options in practice (I was trying to create options for myself prior but failed).

This is not how a human is supposed to feel and live.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

the threat of unending constant unbearable pain