Do you like the feeling being on benzos?

[noname223]

I have soon exams and a lot of triggering things happened. I took a whole benzo yesterday. I met my crush and I wanted to be one time not completely paranoid meeting her. Moreover it is destabilizing. So yesterday evening I took a full atavan. And well I understood how people can become addicted to such a substance. It eases anxeity, manic and psychotic symptoms so much. I wish there would be way to create such a drug without addiction potential. My life quality would be so much better. I take it quite frequently but I cannot risk becoming psychotic in this time period. So well I am on pills all the time. I don't take the benzo every single day but I might to that the last 10 days or so. I take a z-medication every single. It can be addictive too but it is not as dangerous as a benzo. These both medication made studying in college possible in the first place. I had to quit college without them very quickly.

So far I could dodge addiction because of the following. In the break after the semester I barely use these addictive medication. Though after the next semester I have to write an essay in the semester break. So my house of cards might fall apart. I hope I write to essay (or whatever it will be) during the semester. I need time to cool down and relax. Maybe the frequencies how often I take these medication increase. It is pretty dangerous. But I have no other choice. I become pretty manic and paranoid without them college is triggering the shit out of my destroyed nervous system. I am taking antipsychotic and antimanic medication but without the addictive medication it is just too much.

I am very scared about the stigma of addiction. Moreover if I became an addict no psychiatrist would trust me anymore with this kamikaze strategy. My psychiatrist retires soon she is very liberal on addictive medication. I have a very high impulse control and I never took these medication except for mental illness related issues. I never took them just in order to feel better.

The medication is performance enhancing. But this is not the reason why I take them. Last week I was pretty paranoid just out of nowwhere and this is scary as fuck. If I have doubts I rather take one too much at least when the exams are close. This prevented a relapse in the last exam period.

So to my initial question. Sometimes a benzo pill is so fucking relaxing. Especially when I am agitated due to manic or psychotic symptoms. Against depressive symptoms they barely work at least for me. Many people told me benzos slowed down their cognitive processes and it was like fog in their brain. For me it is the opposite. My thoughts are more coherent, I can fade out anxiety and self-doubts to a certain extent. Being manic and on benzos felt extremely good. I am extremely performance enhanced under such circumstances. I am still sharp on benzos and I can be more productive without all these insane anxiety levels.

I should not feel invincible against addiction. I listen to Lil Peep or Jucie WRLD sometimes because I am so fucking anxious about addiction. And when I compare myself with them I am a little bit more relaxed. I mean they took lean, opiods, weed, benzos, acid, shrooms, perks etc. I had to look up what all of that means. So compared to them I am somewhat responsible.

I don't know whether I would describe taking benzos as being high. Being manic feels completely different. I usually take only a half benzo (of course without alcohol which is a major fault that many people do). I think the impact is not strong enough for feeling high. It also dependens on my stress level. Prior to exams I take a full benzo but I am still anxious as fuck. And I wonder how that can be even possible. There is absolutely no feeling of being high under such circumstances.

 

[saddestbunny]

for people with anxiety there's nothing better, I'd just be extremely careful. if you find yourself starting to take them / go against what you're saying in your mind when you say you will do it less, huge red flag. benzos are extremely difficult to quit cold turkey as well and can have serious side effects if you do get addicted. you are correct when you say it doesn't really feel like you're high, being on something like xanax or ativan is much different from an opiate. calmer, slower. smart for not mixing it with alcohol (or any other depressant that would add to slow breathing) it's quite nice, I would try to use them as sparingly as possible. i've seen benzos destroy people close to me

 

[day]

I love benzo's, kinda a one stop shop for all anxiety situations imo. I've never gotten addicted to them though showed slight decency as whenever I'd get any bit of anxious I'd kinda want one, nothing to serious though.

They make me feel great but I mainly use them for good sleep as I find it hard to not wake up in a panic attack.

 

[whywere]

I 100% agree with @saddestbunny, as I was on Klonopin for a while and when they took me off, even the withdrawal time frame that they put in place, it was pure HELL, I remember sleeping for the first two days in a cold sweat and this was with a parred down amount to wean me off.

It works great, did for me at least, but be careful.

Walter

 

[Erik.t.f]

use benzo to sleep everyday and i love it, now and then a xanax

 

[Stormy Raine]

I've been taking benzos forever and I couldn't imagine life without them. They don't make me high or anything like that, they actually help me calm down throughout all the crap I deal daily and focus. I graduated college top of my class on benzos, I often thought I didn't need them and the withdrawals are difficult and my anxiety was unbearable without them. I never worried about addiction because long as you take them as prescribed you should be fine. When you start taking more than prescribed be careful because you are starting to cross the line of abuse. Just follow the doctor orders and don't drink with them, remember they are prescribed for a reason and use them properly and I think you will be fine!

 

[whywere]

I've been taking benzos forever and I couldn't imagine life without them. They don't make me high or anything like that, they actually help me calm down throughout all the crap I deal daily and focus. I graduated college top of my class on benzos, I often thought I didn't need them and the withdrawals are difficult and my anxiety was unbearable without them. I never worried about addiction because long as you take them as prescribed you should be fine. When you start taking more than prescribed be careful because you are starting to cross the line of abuse. Just follow the doctor orders and don't drink with them, remember they are prescribed for a reason and use them properly and I think you will be fine!

Totally agree with you 100%. I am on Hydromorphone for chronic pain, and I do not drink, nor any other drugs or street drugs. I do what my pain doctor prescribes and all is fine.

Walter

 

[LittleJem]

diazepam only worked twice for me. doesn't work anymore. when it worked it was the most beautiful calm and a break from depression. Xanax can put me to sleep and helped me one time to be less depressed- was in tears with suicidal thoughts then was more calm.

I have access to benzos but never used them often. I used to use weed. I don't have addctive personality (only food/shopping addictions). I think benzos can be used safely and are not always addictive. I don't think doctors should gatekeep them from suffering adults.
In my dad's day tney were prescribed more easily and longer term.
In psych ward they give them out like sweeties!

 

[Tobacco]

All that benzos did for me was making me feel like I was on marihuana for one day and then just anxious, anxious, anxious (xanax only has a 6 hour life in your system). They tried giving me lorazepam which has a longer life in the body and it rendered me unable to pee.

 

[jazzcat]

I don't like them, I have insomnia so I used to take them as sleeping pills basically and my body built resistance to them very fast, I was constantly reaching the max allowed and switching to the next alternative, that happened several times until I got fed up and quit treatment all together

 

[loyalskateboard]

Tbh not really. It might be because most of my experiences come from the psych ward but they're not enjoyable. They make everything hazy and sometimes I blackout/lose my memory. I came home from the ward and opened my notebook but couldn't remember writing/drawing in it. I also forgot sending some messages. I guess it removes your anxiety and calms you down but idk. Unless you took a super high dose I doubt there's much recreational value.

 

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

The only time I was on benzos was when I was forced to take some to calm down and go to sleep when I was kidnapped into a ward.

Recreationally, I don't feel like fucking with them. I already got alcohol/BDO as downers and would rather try a new psych or a disso

 

[sol.]

They feel really nice, but if you keep taking them every day you will develop a tolerance pretty fast which means you won't feel the good effects anymore, but you will feel horrible without them. If you do get addicted, getting off of them is hell and you will most likely have to be in a hospital. They also have a cross-tolerance with alcohol.

Also not all benzos are the same potency, you can find the chart online ex. 0.5mg clonopin is the same as 7/8mg diazepam. So try to take less potent ones that last longer (so you don't have to re-dose).

And try to connect with people, isolating yourself will make it worse, especially if you do it out of shame. There is nothing to be ashamed about. You're doing the best that you know and can right now.