Discussion Do you know why you’re not dead yet?

[Nati]

Why I'm not dead already? I've been asking this myself a lot. I've made my decision a few years ago and I'm more sure of it as time goes. I will suicide. For sure. Soon. Why not now??
What am I waiting for? Am I that spoiled that I must have the perfect way of a fast and painless method? I could stab myself. I could drive to the desert and jump of a cliff, I could jump from a building, I could install a hook in my room and hang myself, I could do whatever I want. Nothing would stop me if I tried. is the effort to get these things done or the pain of these methods are bigger than my current pain? Obviously not, than why am I still alive? I don't think I am secretly hopeful that one day everything will be better. I have nothing to live for, yet I'm alive.

Anyone has a theory?

 

[Elegy]

Unfinished business. Scores to be settled.

 

[Someone123]

Fear of the consequences of a failed attempt- in Janiary this will be a better situation. I really wanted to ctb this year, but now I have my hopes pinned on January. It's been gettinug postponed for months, but I could do it now- for a variety of reasons January will be better.

 

[bed]

SI/scared.

Don't want to fail.

Also getting closer to xmas.

 

[koweday]

To be honest I think I've stopped myself after my two attempts in my younger life. I had an opportunity to get a gun a few years ago, but turned it down because I knew I'd kill myself if I had one at home.

A friend of mine died two years ago by taking a tranquilizer, and I think about it more often than I care to admit. He died with someone else, holding hands, in a tent in a national park. I'm one of the rare few that thinks his death was beautiful, and I want it for myself. I heard he bought the medication from Mexico. To be honest, I'd probably do it if I knew how to get it. I want to pass peacefully, and I know his death was.

 

[SamuelClemens400]

I dont have any money and would like to go out with CO poisoning.

 

[Someone123]

To be honest I think I've stopped myself after my two attempts in my younger life. I had an opportunity to get a gun a few years ago, but turned it down because I knew I'd kill myself if I had one at home.

A friend of mine died two years ago by taking a tranquilizer, and I think about it more often than I care to admit. He died with someone else, holding hands, in a tent in a national park. I'm one of the rare few that thinks his death was beautiful, and I want it for myself. I heard he bought the medication from Mexico. To be honest, I'd probably do it if I knew how to get it. I want to pass peacefully, and I know his death was.

Mexico can be a dangerous place to acquire drugs unless you know you have connections you can trust, and even this can change. Still if I had a connection here I thought I could trust and I lived within a couple hours of the border I would consider it.

 

[koweday]

Mexico can be a dangerous place to acquire drugs unless you know you have connections you can trust, and even this can change. Still if I had a connection here I thought I could trust and I lived within a couple hours of the border I would consider it.

I wouldn't even know where to start. The person he died with left two bottles for his parents in case they wanted to do the same thing. I feel like his sister has the answer, but I know asking her will raise red flags. I also don't want to abandon my cats, as silly as that sounds. They rely on me.

 

[Dreamlike Reality]

SI is still a problem . . . The main reason is actually because I've been put on some pseudo-high-security maintenance by my family. My plan has come to their attention. Since I still live with them, there is now a safe in our house where the guns are kept and I am not allowed to be alone whatsoever. To be frank, I think it is overkill, but I can't say that out loud. I'm mostly just frustrated. This changes everything. I don't know when I'll actually be able to carry everything out, I'll probably have to find another way.
Otherwise, the only things else keeping me are simply my boyfriend and my cat.

 

[motel rooms]

Anyone has a theory?

Well, there's this pesky instinct we all have. You probably haven't heard of it yet, SS members talk about it extremely rarely...

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

Well, there's this pesky instinct we all have. You probably haven't heard of it yet, SS members talk about it extremely rarely...

Why is that? It's the hardest part after all! I wish we talked about it all day, all the time! Really though that damn SI...

Why I'm not dead already? I've been asking this myself a lot. I've made my decision a few years ago and I'm more sure of it as time goes. I will suicide. For sure. Soon. Why not now??
What am I waiting for? Am I that spoiled that I must have the perfect way of a fast and painless method? I could stab myself. I could drive to the desert and jump of a cliff, I could jump from a building, I could install a hook in my room and hang myself, I could do whatever I want. Nothing would stop me if I tried. is the effort to get these things done or the pain of these methods are bigger than my current pain? Obviously not, than why am I still alive? I don't think I am secretly hopeful that one day everything will be better. I have nothing to live for, yet I'm alive.

Anyone has a theory?

Maybe you're waiting cause there's no rush, no immediate need to CBT even if you don't think you have much to live for. Since you and everyone else is going to die anyway, maybe your content for right now just waiting to see what happens good or bad.
And also SI like hotelbeneaththeground mentioned

 

[stellabelle]

Still waiting for "justice" which is a flat out fucking lie.

 

[DivineMedicus]

I haven't established an acceptable distance (physically and emotionally) from family/friends yet. Once that's done I can CTB in peace knowing that some of the pain will be diminished from the aftermath.

 

[FuneralCry]

The reason why I am still alive is because suicide is difficult, even know we want to die, it goes against our instinct to survive. There is also the fear of failure, I am scared of ending up in a worse quality life. I lack a peaceful, reliable way to exit. I think if I had that suicide would be a lot easier. However eventually no matter what I will be free from this world and I will finally find the peace I am looking for.