Do you *involuntarily* say it out loud?

[Sulyya]

Maybe for a year or more I occasionally mutter "I'm going to kill myself" quietly. It's now up to more than once per day, almost every day. So far only when I'm on my own but had some close calls. I don't think about it first then decide to say it, I just realize it as it's happening while I'm thinking of something else, such as remembering something stressful that I'm avoiding.

Do you do this? If so,
Done it around other people?
What do you say?
Any way to get control of it? Can't imagine anything...

 

[assisted]

EVERYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE IS INVOLUNTARY AT THIS POINT

 

[Yankey Doodle]

Same boat with you actually, I just mutter it out loud whenever I'm alone. With people around? Yeah, but only with people I'm somewhat comfortable with and I've said it a few times and they're aware with my tendencies. What they say, just blurt out my name and like have this look of worry towards me, but just somewhat goes back to whatever we were doing. I just tell them I'm just joking even if they know like I've attempted already. For control? I can't imagine anything really, its becoming second-nature, best way to counter it I guess is to just think about what you're going to say. But honestly, I'm already acting on impulse and it has became second nature to me.

 

[Sulyya]

only with people I'm somewhat comfortable with and I've said it a few times and they're aware with my tendencies.

I can't tell if I want that in my life or not! Good advice though to plan for the chance that it gets overheard.

 

[hourlyrabbit]

I at one point had a friend approach me in private and ask me to stop saying I was going to kill myself and I had no idea I was even saying it. lost that friend to this

 

[CentreMid]

I've done it a few times. Got caught once, used humour as a way out. Told my coworker I saw it in a tiktok vid and started saying it as a joke. not sure if they believed me but I haven;t done it at work since and nobody has brought it up, I don't want anyone there to worry about me anyways.

 

[missingpeace]

I keep asking myself 'why the fuck am I still here' and say 'please just die/go' to myself. I grieve alot over my life circumstances, my expression is mostly just weeping.

 

[TempLoveSlvt]

When I'm alone and annoyed at something mundane, I sometimes just repeat I'm going to kill myself as a way to focus and to calm myself. Though I usually remember to not say it around others, so they won't get annoyed. Thank god so far no one else heard me saying this when I accidentally let it slip out absent-mindedly.

 

[Sulyya]

When I'm alone and annoyed at something mundane, I sometimes just repeat I'm going to kill myself as a way to focus and to calm myself. Though I usually remember to not say it around others, so they won't get annoyed. Thank god so far no one else heard me saying this when I accidentally let it slip out absent-mindedly.

That's an interesting way to use it voluntarily. You find that it calms you at frustrating times?

 

[resolutory]

I quietly say outloud 'I wish I was fucking dead' pretty often when thinking about how much I fucked up my life. Never around people though. I still get the same people but I think I rarely if ever voalise it, usually I just like face palm myself, pretty involuntarily I think, if there's people around when I'm thinking about this stuff.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I only think about how I want to leave this world and I'm pretty much thinking about suicide every waking moment. I guess a way to try to control saying it around others could be to think of all the awful consequences if other people found about your wish to die and how it would make things much worse. We do exist in a world where so many people refuse to accept the right to die after all.

 

[CyberCat95]

When I'm alone mainly. Sometimes if I'm with a friend I'll say 'kill me' when something goes wrong which she will think is a joke. She'll often say 'no' and I'll reply something like 'unbelievable. I have to do everything myself' but it is our sense of humour and she is very Suicidal too so it doesn't really raise concern

 

[HadItAll]

I say it more and more, at this point it's multiple times a day when I get so worked up that I angrily say that I'll kill myself out loud.

Only when I'm alone though. Got to pretend you're a good happy boy when with others.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Say it out loud, think it, dream it.

 

[TempLoveSlvt]

That's an interesting way to use it voluntarily. You find that it calms you at frustrating times?

Yeah, because It's a constant reminder that no matter the hardship I endure, I am here by choice, giving me the power and will to continue. I'm vehemently pro-choice, so something like that matters to me. It sort of gives me an eject button if life starts crashing down. Honestly, I should be saying it more, not just in mundane situations but also when I'm legitimately stressed, but I either don't have the energy or the will to comfort myself. Or if not, I'm with others, and doing that can stress others out. I've made plenty of ctb jokes when I'm in the company of others, and it doesn't always land as much as I hoped it will, and it always leads to some level of awkwardness. It's also somewhat hilarious to imagine myself ctbing over something like forgetting a password or hitting my foot against the table. I'm pretty death neutral, so thinking about ctb doesn't bother me at all. Sometimes, saying "I'm gonna kill myself" is almost like nail-biting or finger cracking to me. It began involuntarily, but at this point, it honestly has become part of me.

 

[Dizzylady80]

I do it all the time over and over, I hate that I do it. I've tried a few things, one is catching myself mid sentence and going "I'm... having a hard time right now" has helped more than anything

 

[puppet_nihilist]

EVERYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE IS INVOLUNTARY AT THIS POINT

I was just thinking about how many times I've said things way too quickly without much conscious thought and later regretted it. Everything about my life is involuntary at this point 2

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I do this all the time, even though I try to suppress it. Sometimes I say things out loud that have nothing to do with suicide, but just the way I'm feeling right then. Not sure what I would do if someone heard me say something about wanting to kill myself. I thought about telling them I'm quoting a book or movie or something, but I'm not sure if that would be convincing.

 

[user1912012]

I do it because I seek attention (never got any from family) but I hold myself back from others so they don't have to be as effected by me when I'm out of their lives. Planning on cbt for 5 years now, guess its similar since I don't have a specific reason to commit anymore, just miserable and want to go.

 

[saringceiling]

I sometimes say it impulsive but when someone is around I really quickly try to play it down. since a while I tried swapping it up with funny terms and sentences. At least the people chuckle then and nobody is concerned.

 

[Pancake]

At first, I did this alone in my room. I started saying it underneath my breath while there's no one in close proximity. Something about saying it makes the pressure bearable (Not exactly easier, just more bearable). I'm able to stop myself in front of people because I'm overly conscious of what I'm saying and how I'm feeling when I'm around people. Too busy being anxious to be thinking about flipping the switch.

 

[y'ffre]

Yes. English is my second language and when I say it I say it in English. Nobody understands me generally.

 

[Candy_Catalyst]

A lot,,, people take it as a joke tho, it works out no one cares enough to dwell on it.

 

[redbathingduck]

When I'm home in my apartment I often randomly yell at or tell myself to kill myself and similar phrases like that. Outside or with other people I don't really have trouble supressing it because I'm often too anxious to talk at all

 

[Lonelyhotcake]

I've been a whole year saying out loud (to my family): "I want to k*ll myself".

They think it's normal and I don't understand why. Maybe they are used to see me depressed all the time and they think everybody else acts like me.

 

[downndone2]

I say things like "why can't I just die" when I'm home alone. So far, I haven't said it around others buy I never leave, so.

 

[dimstar]

Only when I'm alone often while driving I say kill me when I have flash backs of bad memories. Been happening for years. Never infront of people but it comes out before I can even think about what in doing. Made me realize I might be more serious than just talk on the idea. I also get urges to stab/ RIP apart my chest and sometimes would slam my hand into the center of my chest. I think my subconscious knew more than I did at the time about how serious I am about ctb. Your not alone.

 

[groucho]

Yes I do this as well, been getting worse as I get older. Sometimes it sounds vicious almost like I'm bullying myself, kind of strange.

 

[imlookingforward]

it's more like a repeated thought in my head but sometimes i do "joke" and say im gonna kill myself around family lol

 

[Mr. Squiggles]

Maybe for a year or more I occasionally mutter "I'm going to kill myself" quietly. It's now up to more than once per day, almost every day. So far only when I'm on my own but had some close calls. I don't think about it first then decide to say it, I just realize it as it's happening while I'm thinking of something else, such as remembering something stressful that I'm avoiding.

Do you do this? If so,
Done it around other people?
What do you say?
Any way to get control of it? Can't imagine anything...

i do. its also 'i hate my self / life. i need to die. it helps to hit myself while say it