Discussion Do you hold anyone accountable for your condition? how did you deal with it?

[Norest4thewicked]

Just curious I suppose. I ask because in my three decades of mental health issues, I have been told by a legion of therapists that the constant rejection and abandonment from my father has had the biggest effect on me. I have recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder that was mistaken for bi polar type one. I would like to go and see my father and speak to him about the impact his actions have had on my life, but he is a frail old man with serious health problems. I have not spoken to him for over ten years. I just cut him out, but I feel he has to know and understand . My brothers were treated differently. Nurtured, loved and wanted. I was his first child from his first wife. The regrettable mistake. My brothers flourish,I flounder. I'm just concerned that the shock of me turning up and being honest with him could seriously damage him. I don't want that. I don't want anything from him other than a couple of hours of his time.

 

[okyeah]

My parents are to blame for almost all my problems socially. They never got my proper haircuts or taught me how to shave. Never bought clothes that fit. Normal things. They neglected me legally. I am not surprised I have the issues I do. I have been bullied everywhere I go. I have no support system or friends. I was basically mute the first year of college. I look back and I feel massive hatred because it has all been out of my control. I never had a victim mentality through it all either. I started going to therapy and it all became clear why my life is in the gutter. My parents created an environment for me to fail. Incompetent people don't deserve to have kids.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Just curious I suppose. I ask because in my three decades of mental health issues, I have been told by a legion of therapists that the constant rejection and abandonment from my father has had the biggest effect on me. I have recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder that was mistaken for bi polar type one. I would like to go and see my father and speak to him about the impact his actions have had on my life, but he is a frail old man with serious health problems. I have not spoken to him for over ten years. I just cut him out, but I feel he has to know and understand . My brothers were treated differently. Nurtured, loved and wanted. I was his first child from his first wife. The regrettable mistake. My brothers flourish,I flounder. I'm just concerned that the shock of me turning up and being honest with him could seriously damage him. I don't want that. I don't want anything from him other than a couple of hours of his time.

Sounds like you were the appointed Scapegoat in the family like me. Read up on narcissists as your dad could possibly be one. Or check out the "raisedbynarcissists" sub on Reddit. It's very insightful on how narc parents treat their children differently. Some are the Scapegoats and blamed for everything and some are the Golden Children (like mine and your brothers).

 

[Norest4thewicked]

Sounds like you were the appointed Scapegoat in the family like me. Read up on narcissists as your dad could possibly be one. Or check out the "raisedbynarcissists" sub on Reddit. It's very insightful on how narc parents treat their children differently. Some are the Scapegoats and blamed for everything and some are the Golden Children (like mine and your brothers).

Thank you for the information. I'll go have a look in a while

 

[Jodes]

A fairly large chunk is my mother. While I might have forgiven her for the past, what she has done up to and including the current I have finally decided to cut contact. I cannot bare to watch the damage she does to herself and everyone around her. You might even say it's not her fault; she's not in full control of ultimately, her actions. And she's also suffered her fair share. But she is clearly selfish and dangerous. Sometimes you only have two choices.: fight or flight

 

[Final Escape]

I do wonder if I would have turned out better, if I had not been neglected and raised by a narcissist/psychopathic mother and no father. Or if I wasn't forced to endure years of government education in public school. If I had been educated better and taught stuff that might actually help me in adulthood lol! I felt programmed by tv as well when I was young. Madonna was who I looked up to as a role model, how terrible is that? She was pretty much kind of a whore and sending message to young girls of those days that this is what u want to be like lol! These days it's different celebs, but they send bad messages to young vulnerable girls about how u should behave as a woman.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Years of physical, verbal, emotional and psychological abuse from the father hardly prepared me for life as a functional adult.
Although my siblings also suffered it's agreed I got it the worst, another scapegoat.

At fifty three I still get intrusive thoughts from back then, and like Final Escape I feel that the education system failed me.

 

[Final Escape]

Years of physical, verbal, emotional and psychological abuse from the father hardly prepared me for life as a functional adult.
Although my siblings also suffered it's agreed I got it the worst, another scapegoat.

At fifty three I still get intrusive thoughts from back then, and like Final Escape I feel that the education system failed me.

I completely relate, I still get intrusive memories of public school. I was definitely the scapegoat in my family as well.

 

[Susannah]

A fairly large chunk is my mother. While I might have forgiven her for the past, what she has done up to and including the current I have finally decided to cut contact. I cannot bare to watch the damage she does to herself and everyone around her. You might even say it's not her fault; she's not in full control of ultimately, her actions. And she's also suffered her fair share. But she is clearly selfish and dangerous. Sometimes you only have two choices.: fight or flight

Sounds familiar. I can no longer escape physically from my mum, but mentally I stay strong and focused, on everything else but her. Otherwise, she'll destroy me.

 

[azucaramargo]

Just curious I suppose. I ask because in my three decades of mental health issues, I have been told by a legion of therapists that the constant rejection and abandonment from my father has had the biggest effect on me. I have recently been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder that was mistaken for bi polar type one. I would like to go and see my father and speak to him about the impact his actions have had on my life, but he is a frail old man with serious health problems. I have not spoken to him for over ten years. I just cut him out, but I feel he has to know and understand . My brothers were treated differently. Nurtured, loved and wanted. I was his first child from his first wife. The regrettable mistake. My brothers flourish,I flounder. I'm just concerned that the shock of me turning up and being honest with him could seriously damage him. I don't want that. I don't want anything from him other than a couple of hours of his time.

Sounds like you and I have the same diagnosis. I know our disorder usually involves childhood trauma. I kind of admire that you are focused on your dad's "contribution" to your mental health. I tend to turn inward and blame myself.

 

[azucaramargo]

I do wonder if I would have turned out better, if I had not been neglected and raised by a narcissist/psychopathic mother and no father. Or if I wasn't forced to endure years of government education in public school. If I had been educated better and taught stuff that might actually help me in adulthood lol! I felt programmed by tv as well when I was young. Madonna was who I looked up to as a role model, how terrible is that? She was pretty much kind of a whore and sending message to young girls of those days that this is what u want to be like lol! These days it's different celebs, but they send bad messages to young vulnerable girls about how u should behave as a woman.

Oh, I LOVED Madonna. I don't think she is the WORST role model to have. And, I think you turned out pretty damned well!

 

[alwaystired96]

I don't like to blame anyone but I do know certain things that happened in my childhood did have a negative affect on me. I'd never forget the one time my father called me ugly or when my sister made fun of the scars I had and told me to go kill myself. My dad was negative towards me and my sister seemed to have a hatred for me for some reason. She would call me fat and ugly and read my diary and text messages and show my parents. My mom was extremely judgmental and she still is. She blames everything on me and makes me feel like a bad person. Now I have a horrible self esteem and I allow abuse.

 

[alwaystired96]

I was made to feel worthless growing. I remember my sister would drop heavy objects by my head as I slept on the floor and I would just lay there hoping one wouldn't hit me. Telling my parents never stopped her bullying either.

 

[Xerxes]

My mom played a big role in my upbringing and my messed up mental state. My worldview was caused by my step father.

 

[Eden2k]

I don't hold anyone responsible. Just wish I was stronger mentally and not a weak little bitch!

 

[Johnnythefox]

I don't hold anyone responsible. Just wish I was stronger mentally and not a weak little bitch!

You're not weak imo, what you have disclosed on here is more than anyone could bear.

 

[Severen]

Madonna was who I looked up to as a role model, how terrible is that?

That's horrible. She has a song trying to make it seem okay to have a baby as a teen...which is basically making your life 1000 times more difficult.

 

[Severen]

These days it's different celebs, but they send bad messages to young vulnerable girls about how u should behave as a woman.

I look at these celebs and face palm because none of them are positive role models for women.

 

[Eden2k]

You're not weak imo, what you have disclosed on here is more than anyone could bear.

You're not weak imo, what you have disclosed on here is more than anyone could bear.

shit should be getting easier not harder. Like wtf!
Ignore me. I'm having a pity party and I'm the only one who showed up.

 

[Final Escape]

That's horrible. She has a song trying to make it seem okay to have a baby as a teen...

Right, talk about helping to brainwash a bunch of teens to think it's ok to allow yourself to get pregnant by some unreliable guy and then get on benefits lol! Keep the baby so the odds of him or her developing antisocial personality disorder rise and your kid is likely to be incarcerated down the road and repeat the cycle of no dad, poverty.

 

[Severen]

Right, talk about helping to brainwash a bunch of teens to think it's ok to allow yourself to get pregnant by some unreliable guy and then get on benefits lol! Keep the baby so the odds of him or her developing antisocial personality disorder rise and your kid is likely to be incarcerated down the road and repeat the cycle of no dad, poverty.

And the benefits in the USA don't really cover much. And the guy could just run away and disappear to avoid paying child support.

 

[NumbItAll]

I don't blame anyone in particular, I just think life sucks and I am a social outcast. My parents should have aborted me.