So painful having kids and wanting to ctb. So so painful.
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Snake of Eden
“Ye shall be as gods..🍎 🐍”
- Jun 22, 2021
- 2,473
Yes. Its the worst thing i assume to hinder ctb. My heart goes ought to you
CTBer
Member
- Nov 19, 2021
- 9
No, hate them. Can barely stand my nephew, although I cherish her.
SadJessu
Just tired.
- Aug 17, 2020
- 168
No, not yet. My partner really wants them and I'd like to give that to him, I want him to be happy. At the same time I feel guilty thinking that I might CTB afterwards, leaving them. It seems really selfish.
stellabelle
ethereal
- Dec 14, 2018
- 3,918
Nope. And I never will.
I wasn't "raised" in a "loving" environment or "good" family.
I will never be a part of one either, it's the "outside" looking in.
How fucking sad.
I wasn't "raised" in a "loving" environment or "good" family.
I will never be a part of one either, it's the "outside" looking in.
How fucking sad.
I keep convincing myself they are too young to know what's going on.
...
crippled with grief
- Nov 8, 2021
- 335
It was my dream to have children. Unfortunately I never will.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,370
No. I will never have kids. Life is very horrible and it would be cruel to selfishly bring children into a world where there is unlimited potential for suffering. To never exist means to never suffer.
I can imagine it must be really dreadful, having kids and wanting to ctb, I'm sorry you are in this situation..
I can imagine it must be really dreadful, having kids and wanting to ctb, I'm sorry you are in this situation..
Don't have and probably won't have. I lack any confidence in me being a good father.
Only if I continue living, find a partner who I can really count on and solve my issues, then I may reconsider.
Only if I continue living, find a partner who I can really count on and solve my issues, then I may reconsider.
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TheHatedOne
Death is salvation
- Sep 26, 2021
- 2,028
No and will never have. I'm both childfree and antinatalist.
When I had mine I was healthy. I didn't have a crystal ball too see I'd get ill and want to die. If I did have a crystal ball I wouldn't have had kids. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Now I'm impossible situation.
Starryeyes
Experienced
- Sep 22, 2021
- 237
eternalmelancholy
waiting for the bus
- Mar 24, 2021
- 1,169
I think any parent wanting ctb should wait at least until their kids are 18 or older. If you do it when they are still really young you might traumatize them for life.
Starryeyes
Experienced
- Sep 22, 2021
- 237
Unfortunately that little voice inside your head says they will be better off without you
I don't have kids, never wanted them, and also, I wouldn't want to bring another soul to this already over-populated planet.
You'll probably still traumatize them if even if they're over 18.
Ihadagoodlife
Member
- Jan 18, 2021
- 51
Depression and despair have no boundaries
Starryeyes
Experienced
- Sep 22, 2021
- 237
So children are what excludes people from suicidal thoughts? I don't think any parent on the planet wants to feel suicidal. It happens, regardless of parental status, financial status, education status. Depression isn't fussy who it claims
Ihadagoodlife
Member
- Jan 18, 2021
- 51
Doesn't exclude them, i said i don't judge its just that personally for me it would be the only reason that would keep me from killing myself so i struggle a bit to understand the perspective of someone who would want to kill himself with kids and i wanted to hear more specifics reasons behind it like what is the feeling exactly, why the person doesn't have hope ect.
I'm just trying to understand simply interesting to me but it was a bad question ig anyone can feel this way cause everyone probably value different things to certain extent.
Why do I want to ctb with having a child. Well I'm not a good dad now. I don't want her too look after me. I want her too be free and enjoy life. Not look after a poorly dad. I'd be a burden. I love her with all my heart. I know I won't recover so I don't want my suffering inflicted on her. Mental illness doesn't pick and choose. It can strike anyone down. It's hell.
Starryeyes
Experienced
- Sep 22, 2021
- 237
Oh trust me, I VALUE MY KIDS over anything else. It's just when you feel so useless and a burden and feel like your suicidal thoughts drag everyone down the rabbit hole with you, you feel your OWN value is nothing. More than nothing. I feel like a useless piece of shit.
I think it's horrible to bring a fragile being into this cruel existence and world , people don't even have the right to die by peaceful means
Ihadagoodlife
Member
- Jan 18, 2021
- 51
I understand better now . Ye the only reason i would stay alive for my kids if i had is cause i think i could really help them avoid making some mistakes and help them turn out the best version they can be.
I think i can really be useful in that way and it kind of give me a purpose but if you think you can't help and you feel useless then ye it lose all the meaning and you feel like you just become negative for them even if it's not really true when you feel that way it just the way it is.
Blacklight
Member
- Jan 3, 2022
- 33
melissa286
Member
- Mar 22, 2021
- 26
I can't even imagine how harder that must make things. I feel for you.
Even if I had been physically able to have children, I never would have made the choice to do so, knowing the debilitating illnesses that run in the family. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that my parents chose to go ahead and have me, knowing how high the chance was that I would be sick and in pain all my life. But, I can't believe in reproductive freedom as I do without also believing that people like them have the right to roll the dice on whether or not their kids will be healthy. Anything less is eugenics, which I am totally against. So, while I desperately wish they hadn't had me, I can't hate or blame them for doing it.
And maybe if I'd been born in a country with better healthcare and social safety net, things would be different. But that's just how it is. And I feel just as badly for adult family members I live behind as I would for children.
Even if I had been physically able to have children, I never would have made the choice to do so, knowing the debilitating illnesses that run in the family. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that my parents chose to go ahead and have me, knowing how high the chance was that I would be sick and in pain all my life. But, I can't believe in reproductive freedom as I do without also believing that people like them have the right to roll the dice on whether or not their kids will be healthy. Anything less is eugenics, which I am totally against. So, while I desperately wish they hadn't had me, I can't hate or blame them for doing it.
And maybe if I'd been born in a country with better healthcare and social safety net, things would be different. But that's just how it is. And I feel just as badly for adult family members I live behind as I would for children.
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 21,392
Not currently but it's very likely my future kid(s) somehow obtained a means of time travel, traveled back into my past, and made it so I would never meet their mother thus ensuring that they never get born. I'm proud of them for this.
Same here. I had something wrong that was tolerable and was able to work. I never fathomed it would get this bad. My daughter is 13 and this could really fuck up her life but i'm so sick its literally torture. Have no idea what the F i'm going to do. What a horrible position to be in.
Yes. 2. And i feel the need to ctb, but they are still the reason why i am here. I know it would destroy them. I am a useless burden as person and dad. I am scared for them, that one day ctb will win. But so far, every time i think about them finding out, my heart breaks and that stops me, and makes me stay just for sake of them. I do wish not to wake up every night, so that would be less traumatic for them.
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