Do you have friends?

[hypertext]

It seems like a lot of people on this forum are totally or almost totally alone.

Me personally, I do have some friends and I used to be popular until I had a breakdown. But none of my friendships are deep or meaningful to me, it all feels incredibly shallow. I have no one in my life who I feel that I can share my true feelings with, and so the relationships I do have bring me little comfort. Even the girl I am dating, I can't talk to her about my dark thoughts at all.

I have family but they are halfway across the country and we barely speak. I will feel really bad for my dad when I CTB because we have a good relationship, but I can't justify continuing to live.

Do you have people in your life? What are your relationships like?

 

[Rocinante]

I have three, but I'm not very close with them.
I had a "best friend" that I could talk to anything about, and Vice versa, he would always cause distress for me and the moment I called him out on his bullshit and tormenting me he decided to leave.
Don't think it's worth the effort to befriend anyone. Relationships are transactional for most. You have to offer something they can benefit from to keep you around.

 

[annxietty]

Had many friends before moving out from my hometown, after that I only kept talking with my best friend at the time, until something happened and lost contact with her also. But to be completely honest I think Ive never had a true friend, never talked about my problems I only heard other people's problems, I cried in silence looking down at my textbook in class without anyone noticing because I refused to open up about the crisis I was going through at home.
Many years have passed (maybe 6-7 years) since I had something similar to a friend, now I talk with some people over the internet and play some games with them, but I dont know their real names, their worries, their faces... For many people that could still be considered a friend, not for me.
I hope you find someone you can share your feelings with, its very hard.

 

[azurarcher]

I have 3 friends back from school, they're really nice, we know each other so well we talk almost telepathically, we even get similar dreams at night. Our communication is irregular but quite natural, I don't think I can have better friends than them. It's just... they grew up but I didn't, so now they feel far away, busy with their adult lives. And it's understandable but still makes me sad.

 

[peachchildtenshi]

Pushed all of them away, just trying to isolate myself lately. Not knowing what to do next since I dont make friends even in academia as well as I used to back in hs.

 

[Unwr!tten]

I have 3 friends back from school, they're really nice, we know each other so well we talk almost telepathically, we even get similar dreams at night. Our communication is irregular but quite natural, I don't think I can have better friends than them. It's just... they grew up but I didn't, so now they feel far away, busy with their adult lives. And it's understandable but still makes me sad.

Hello! This is my very first post, but I felt compelled to say that I know exactly how you feel. I had two very best friends in high school and then I moved away and we all changed sososo much snd nos I barely to them. :(

I do however have two other really good friends I first met online but even though they're my very best friends and I know if I CTBed, they'd be absolutely destroyed, I can't talk to them about my suicidal thoughts because they'd just suggest I go to a hospital. They're naive and don't understand what those are like. I was naive, too until I went for the first time last October.

 

[stermc]

I do have some friends. Till college, I only had one friend, who has been with me since I was 8yo. When I got to college, I somehow managed to make great friends. I had a really social active life at the time, but not so much anymore.
Now I would say I have 6 or 7 people I really can count on.
We don't talk or see each other everyday or all the time, but we are connected.
At some point, I started to think I didn't have anyone or that no one actually cared about me, but I realized they were also going through hard times. Since then, I always try to remember that, even though they are not suicidal and etc, they also have their own problems.

I believe that's the beauty of real friendships: remembering that we are all dealing with our lives but still there for each other.

 

[Archer]

Most of my "friendships" have been from meeting people online but they only last about 1-3 months if I am lucky then we just end up never speaking to each other again probably because of my lack of ability to hold a conversation. But as of now I have no friends I have my 2 grandparents and it's about the only socialization I get even though I'm in my room most of the time and of course I have my coworkers which I wouldn't exactly consider to be my friends but we make jokes every now and then and it feels good for a moment and then just nothing. It's a strange feeling when I interact with people because I am not 100% sure if the emotions I am displaying to them are real or not because as soon as we stop talking I go right back to feeling nothing.

Now I don't think being alone is the reason I feel depressed or suicidal because to be honest I like being alone most of the time, I would like to have a few friends though and especially one that I could trust and speak freely to, and hug... man I would kill for a hug right now I haven't been hugged in years including family members but yeah that's about it.

 

[depresso_expresso03]

I haven't had many, especially growing up. As of recent (last year-ish), I had a close group of friends who I could turn to. But most recently, they went away and all I have now is a single one.

My fear is if I make a ctb attempt and end up getting hospitalized from it, they'll leave because of the trauma it'll put them through and it'll end up putting me into an even worse place mentally than I was before the attempt.

 

[warriorofeld]

Yes but it's getting harder and harder to be a around them, they already know something is up with me since my current predicament started..

 

[Gonnerr]

I have 3 good friends , it helps me stay alive , without anybody i would be gone.

 

[scamper]

I have no friends in the real world, but I have quite a few online as it's where I spend most of my time. It sounds sad to some, but I prefer it that way. Most of my relationships are very surface-level but I do have one close friend. I've told them about my plans to ctb, and even though they don't want to see me go, they understand that I've made my decision and they are able to partake in mature discussions about the topic, and for that I'm very thankful. Not everyone is quite as rational, I know from experience. Everyone should be very, very careful about who they open up to about suicide. If you want to talk, make sure you talk to a rational, mature person you trust who can hear you out and listen to your point of view.

 

[CentreMid]

I have only a handful of "close" friends, everyone else is more of an acquaintance. I consider my partner to be my best friend, despite the current rockiness in our relationship rn

 

[azurarcher]

Hello! This is my very first post, but I felt compelled to say that I know exactly how you feel. I had two very best friends in high school and then I moved away and we all changed sososo much snd nos I barely to them. :(

I do however have two other really good friends I first met online but even though they're my very best friends and I know if I CTBed, they'd be absolutely destroyed, I can't talk to them about my suicidal thoughts because they'd just suggest I go to a hospital. They're naive and don't understand what those are like. I was naive, too until I went for the first time last October.

Hi! That's what happened to me too when I returned from abroad after dropping out... It was so much like the game NITW that it helped me to cope. x.x

Yep, we all should be careful about this, some people just can't handle the weight of such information. Tbh I have the same fear, I don't want to burden them or cause distress but also if they don't expect it then the shock might be too much.
Did you go there willingly and do your friends know you went there?

 

[Lonlemoon]

Other than my Boyfriend, I have one. Her and her family (my godson, and her twins), my boyfriend, and my mom are probably the only reasons I smile and find ways to stay on this earth. I try not to burden her with how dark things get for me sometimes, but I do know I can always run to her if I need to. We've been there for eachother in that way before.

 

[charlotte_]

luckily i do have some friends and 1 of them whom i consider a best friend and would do anything for. still, ik im selfish for this but it sometimes makes me feel really lonely inside knowing how im not their first option (in terms of friends), never were anyone's and i dont know if i'll ever be in the future

 

[Viranamari]

I do have friends. I'm friends with everyone but close to no one. They consider me close but I don't really think the same. I always found soltitude to be depressing but sometimes, I believe its for the best. I can always count on them for non personal matters so I'm not that distant from them. I also wouldn't consider myself a loner.
Even if you have no friends, I don't believe there's anything wrong with that. Humans cause good and bad feelings so having friends or not having friends is completely the same. You'd get sad either way.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

No. But there;s a big difference between being alone because you don't have friends and being alone because you want to.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Hi! That's what happened to me too when I returned from abroad after dropping out... It was so much like the game NITW that it helped me to cope. x.x

Yep, we all should be careful about this, some people just can't handle the weight of such information. Tbh I have the same fear, I don't want to burden them or cause distress but also if they don't expect it then the shock might be too much.
Did you go there willingly and do your friends know you went there?

Yeah, I moved away willingly to try and start a better life for myself. It was directly after High School and at the time, I needed to get out of my Mother's home as she was very abusive.

I love my current friends now though and my friendship with them is so deep and even if I can't talk to them about my thoughts when it comes to CTBing, I know that if there's one of few things keeping me alive, it's them.

 

[RichardFirst]

I did, but I took steps to deliberately distance myself from them. I don't have the energy to maintain friendships anymore, and i derive little from the exchange anyways.

 

[Darkover]

i have no friends

 

[Linda]

There is nothing you can do that will "magically" acquire friends. But there certainly are things you can do that will increase your chances. The most fundamental is getting out to where there are people. If you don't meet someone, there is zero chance of them ever becoming a friend. Most casual acquaintances don't turn into friends, of course, but all friendships start with casual acquaintances.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I've had friends come and go, be it online or irl. I don't really take friendships seriously for that reason. I have 1 irl friend but we haven't been able to hang out since he is readying to go back to Asia to be with his wife.

 

[Fl4u]

None.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always personally preferred to be alone, it's for the best as you cannot trust and rely on other people, many people just create more problems and make things worse.

 

[Death is my goal]

no

 

[Skathon]

No. Never had any.

 

[damnatio memoriae]

A few.

 

[SilentSadness]

No, I don't have friends.

 

[persuasion]

I really wish I didn't have any. I'm a bad friend. It's too exhausting meeting them regularly. Ever since I got a gf and none of them has one I feel even more separate and uncomfortable around them, and I only see them every few months. Kind of feels unnecessary to have friends now.