No. I am too sick. It started as mentally, but now physically too.
My friend even comment on it, my heart not beating as hard as it should. If I am gone in the next <9 months, not having an income is why. It is not my time yet but I have been living in hell for years. I am physically sick because I can't afford to eat. Food banks often give not enough and expired food. I got expired chocolate milk last month and it made me really upset because I don't even like chocolate milk but I was hungry and it fucking poisoned me LOL tasted sour

. Nasty. The constant stress has destroyed my heart, I often wonder if I even need to ctb because I'll probably be gone in a few years anyway. But that's what makes me want to do it to some degree.
I also miss talking to people. Having a job was good for that. I only have two friends now, everyone else left lol. I would like to work if someone would accommodate my condition, but I couldn't get a job before the physical issues.