If I'm honest I've almost completely lost that feeling. It comes back every once in a while, the feeling of sadness at how this will hurt my family, especially my dad. To be honest I'm not sure if my dad would survive my death, and if he does it will probably only be for my siblings. But I've been suicidal since I was 10. Over half my life. My family were what kept me alive for years and years and years. But you can only stay alive for other people for so long. You can only fight for other people for so long. Eventually the pain of living became more than the pain of hurting them. I feel horrible for it, for no longer having a desire to stay alive for them. I've almost gone numb to the thought of the pain it will cause them and it disgusts me about myself, but I think my mind is too tired to continue feeling.