Do you get desensitized of suicide, death and suffering by being on here?

[noname223]

I am not sure in my case. I still avoid goodbye threads because I barely can cope with them. Especially when they are live. I really hate that feeling which might be selfish.

I feel pretty horrible about my life. And the more depressed I am the more do threads of suicide discussion comfort me. Because I feel very often that I am not alone with this. I am not sure to which parts of this forum I get used to.

Losing friends to suicide still scares me a lot. And the people who I lost on this website felt pretty pretty bad to me and I still think about them regularly. I am not traumatized though. I try to maintain a certain distance to members so that this won't happen.

Sometimes when someone describes his or her suffering/torment I have to chuckle. Not because it is funny. Instead because I can relate to so fucking much. Like the thousands "I want cancer" threads. I know rationally it is kind of stupid to wish that and it might be offensive. But I also share the desire someone or something could end me so that I won't have to so fucking badly.

I cannot say how impact of this website on my mind has changed. In my case I have the feeling the potential negative impact decreased while the positive impact remained the same. Which could be a result of desensitization.

The first goodbye threads hit me pretty hard. I changed my behavior not to read them. So maybe it is not exactly desensitization but just a change in my behavior on this website. I noticed if I spend the whole fucking day on here this can make me sad. So I adapted my behavior which increased the up-sides which I receive by spending time on here.

What about your experience?

 

[certified_idiot]

I was already desensitized to that kind of stuff before even hearing about SS. I had already attempted by the time I was 10, so I was pretty familiar with death and suicide before joining.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess the first goodbye thread shocked and upset me more than subsequent ones. It was just the thought of it happening live somewhere. They still make me feel sad though and especially if it's a member I feel more familiar with. So- no, I don't think I'm that desensitized.

Regarding my own suicide. The decision itself hasn't changed. I was sure I wanted to do it before I joined. I guess maybe I actually try to desensitize myself to my likely method- SN but- it doesn't really work because individual experiences are so different and there are the more unpleasant ones to consider.

I still feel horrified reading some people's stories. Sometimes it kind of becomes too much, so in a way, often I prefer to post on the more philosophical ideas around suicide or, off topic. So again- no- I don't think I'm very desensitized because stuff still troubles me. Interesting question though.

 

[tiger b]

I really miss Nembutal Dreams. I know that's selfish.

It feels a light has gone out here since his departure (for me, anyway). Oddly, it's inspired me to engage with life a bit more. As I haven't quite lost all hope (well, aside from inevitable death anyway), I feel like just giving up would be letting down those who really have tried everything and exhausted every possibility.

I've never felt the idea of others suffering as/more than me as much of a comfort.

This is going to sound nuts as well, but people irl seem to be confiding in me more and trusting me even more lately, some almost complete strangers. Perhaps maybe because they sense I can actually listen without any fear or little prejudice.

It's become more obvious for me that I won't seriously contemplate CTB again for at least a long while. I think I'd find it difficult making a few more friends here now if I knew they'd CTB soon as it hurts. I'd still like some, though.

This place has done me a lot of good, and I feel grateful. I guess I am in recovery now. Perhaps maybe I could put something back by being a mod, for instance.

 

[LikeAPendulum]

Of course, but i still have my judgements about certain things. I never liked goodbye threads, especially those who just reply with a one-liner like "Hope you find peace".

And there are always last-minute doubts when I actually do it.

 

[R_N]

I don't think this place changed me in any significant way. But I don't see some things the same way I did when I was first here.

Goodbye threads, I kinda went with the flow before and idealised ctb. Not as much as others did but I was "spiritual" about it kinda. Now most of the time I can't even make myself put a reaction. Because, even if they might find peace they have to go through the process of dying. Hurt their body, themselves to die. And I find myself short of words after realising that fact and seeing it objectively.

I can be a fan of non existence but life and dying... not really, even when it is on my mind for ages.

 

[Reuthry]

Well I am already desensitized of suicide after watching thousands of videos of people killing themselves, but the uh when it comes to being the one who is dying and really planning it etc. like yes this place does that job, watching videos is completely different from being in the situation (at least planning it seriously).

 

[Abyssal]

What is there to be desensitized to? Suicide is natural.

I have found myself growing a deeper understanding of different people's situations and what stresses/traumas can result in. It has impacted me in that way I suppose.

 

[Scythe]

While I did end up becoming more and more desensitized to these topics, it's mostly my fault as I decided to pick up dark humour as a coping mechanism.

 

[oddetoad]

I really miss Nembutal Dreams. I know that's selfish.

It feels a light has gone out here since his departure (for me, anyway). Oddly, it's inspired me to engage with life a bit more. As I haven't quite lost all hope (well, aside from inevitable death anyway), I feel like just giving up would be letting down those who really have tried everything and exhausted every possibility.

I've never felt the idea of others suffering as/more than me as much of a comfort.

This is going to sound nuts as well, but people irl seem to be confiding in me more and trusting me even more lately, some almost complete strangers. Perhaps maybe because they sense I can actually listen without any fear or little prejudice.

It's become more obvious for me that I won't seriously contemplate CTB again for at least a long while. I think I'd find it difficult making a few more friends here now if I knew they'd CTB soon as it hurts. I'd still like some, though.

This place has done me a lot of good, and I feel grateful. I guess I am in recovery now. Perhaps maybe I could put something back by being a mod, for instance.

Seems like he changed name to waiting to die

While I did end up becoming more and more desensitized to these topics, it's mostly my fault as I decided to pick up dark humour as a coping mechanism.

lol