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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
Apr 17, 2023
3,278
Whenever the fantasy moves closer to reality, I panic. I'm attached to life even though it's miserable and I don't see how it could improve.
 
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sserafim

sserafim

they say it's darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
9,012
I guess I feel scared about failing an attempt and being left with permanent damage
 
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sserafim

sserafim

they say it's darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
9,012
Why? No regrets or missing good times of the past?
I don't think I have any regrets. And even if I miss good times of the past, it's not like I can go back to them lol. Time only moves forwards, not backwards (unfortunately)
 
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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
Apr 17, 2023
3,278
I don't think I have any regrets. And even if I miss good times of the past, it's not like I can go back to them lol. Time only moves forwards, not backwards (unfortunately)
You're right. I suppose I regret not going for the women who were interested in me, but I still had similar issues then, which means they would've all failed, which would be painful in itself.

I don't know if my current situation was inevitable. Early trauma leads to PTSD which has led to everything else. Autism and avpd and ADHD has led you to your current situation. Could anything have been different if you had made different choices?
 
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sserafim

sserafim

they say it's darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
9,012
You're right. I suppose I regret not going for the women who were interested in me, but I still had similar issues then, which means they would've all failed, which would be painful in itself.

I don't know if my current situation was inevitable. Early trauma leads to PTSD which has led to everything else. Autism and avpd and ADHD has led you to your current situation. Could anything have been different if you had made different choices?
Wdym? I always felt like suicide was inevitable for me. Ever since I was little, I always wanted to die young. I think the issue is that the world just wasn't built or meant for me. Asperger's/autism makes you a bad fit for the world, and it's hard to live or succeed in it based on this condition. I think that ctb would've always been my eventual fate/future. The only thing that could be different is if I were born without ASD. Then my life would've been different
 
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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
Apr 17, 2023
3,278
Wdym? I always felt like suicide was inevitable for me. Ever since I was little, I always wanted to die young. I think the issue is that the world just wasn't built or meant for me. Asperger's/autism makes you a bad fit for the world, and it's hard to live or succeed in it based on this condition. I think that ctb would've always been my eventual fate/future. The only thing that could be different is if I were born without ASD. Then my life would've been different
I have felt that too but then part of me is reminded that PTSD and Ocd can be treated. I've had minimal success in that though and now I have other health stuff. I think my SI holds onto the idea it can technically be treated to make ctb more difficult for me.
 
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tbroken

tbroken

Wizard
Feb 22, 2024
691
Whenever the fantasy moves closer to reality, I panic. I'm attached to life even though it's miserable and I don't see how it could improve.
The same happens to me. But when i step back into my mind, i realize again that I'm a little bit screwed. Where i live is a mess, i don't want to waste my energy anymore going away or do more than my body and my mind can take. When you have to partecipate to rat race and you also have to move away is really stressfull.
 
ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

I have finally found my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
5,796
I'm just scared of failing, that's all. There's nothing in life that I'm attached to
 

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